'American Idol' Hollywood Week 1: Contestants Face the Chopping Block

Hollywood week has always been something of a blur. I get carpal tunnel from trying to jot down the parade of contestants whose names are shown for a millisecond before the camera cuts to someone else. The difference this year was that even though it was fast-paced, round one in Hollywood was fairly boring. It felt more like one of those filler episodes of "Lost," where they'd try to catch you up with the plots you might not have understood the first time around.

In the case of "American Idol," the producers were probably trying to capture the people who had skipped the auditions and tuned in only for Hollywood. Therefore, we mostly got film on the people we'd already seen, and we got the Cliff's notes versions of their sob stories. If all we're going to do is follow the producers' favorites for a month, why don't we skip the torture of the auditions? I don't need to see someone in a cat or armadillo suit singing poorly to enjoy the "American Idol" experience. Give us 12 (or 24) contestants to start with and lets move on from there.

As "American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest informed us, contestants were brought up on stage in lines of ten. The "Idol" hopefuls had to sing a cappella, with no feedback, and face a sudden death elimination. Of course, as far as we could see, each group only had one or two people--those we'd seen already and some faceless, shadowy forms in the background. Apparently some of those invisible folks actually made it through to the next round--why couldn't we have heard a few of them sing?

"American Idol" first tried to wind us up with a look at a very nervous Brett Loewenstern, his wild red hair seemingly as jittery as he was. I wasn't as smitten by Loewenstern as the judges in the audition round, but in Hollywood his vocals on "Let It Be" were really strong and lovely. It was soulful, clear, and without a bunch of messy runs. Loewenstern made it through, along with a gal named Symphony that I don't think we've met--but I'm guessing we will soon.

Next we got a quick shot at three contestants moving on to the next round. Rachel Zevita, who got to Hollywood based on the strength of a previous season's audition, made the most of her time in this round and nailed her performance. Young Thia Megia sounded a little shrill, but the judges still liked her. Melodica player Casey Abrahms was possibly even stronger this go around, and got enthusiastic applause from the rest of the "American Idol" contestants.

Victoria Huggins, the young feisty girl with the Miley Cyrus speaking voice worked the stage in her plum-colored dress and boots as she confidently belted out vivid notes. Unfortunately, her melody was a bit all over the place, and she had to repack her 11 bags and head on home.

Last night's Adam Lambert hopeful, er, "American Idol" hopeful James Durbin tackled The Beatles' "Oh! Darling" and sounded smooth and true before swooping up into a giant wail. It skated a little too much into screech territory, but the rest of the performance got him through to the next round. Next up was Paris Tassin, the contestant that moved judge Jennifer Lopez to tears during the New Orleans auditions despite her lackluster sense of melody. While she had a sweet tone, she seemed a little flat on the notes, but she's still got the judges' support and will move on.

Former Miss Teen USA Stormi Henley wasn't as lucky. Once dubbed the "smallest voice" in the competition by J-Lo, Stormi wasn't surprised that when she got sent home, telling the "American Idol" interviewers that she couldn't compete with the bigger voices in the competition. We knew it, Jennifer knew it, and she knew it--so we can safely blame the male judges' hormones for sending this sweet girl to Hollywood.

Once again, "American Idol" was in love with Lauren Alaina, and once again I thought she sounded breathy and insubstantial on the verses. Her bigger, louder notes sounded better, but it will be interesting to see if she can sustain a whole song as the Hollywood rounds progress. I have more confidence in her than in another "AI" favorite, Chris Medina. The judges asked about Medina's disabled fiancee, "American Idol" rolled the story tape again, and once again the judges seemed to vote him through on backstory. I'd be happy for Medina to go through if he'd wowed us in this audition, but his vocals were flat, his voice broke a little at one point, and he just didn't exhibit the vocal strength of some of the other contestants.

Uber young Jacee Badeaux got through with his sweet alto voice, and Hollie Cavanagh overcame her sobbing, nervous wreck audition and bellowed out such a powerful, soaring verse that the audience of contestants let out a whoop of approval. Robbie Rosen, who Randy previously complimented for "marinating on his notes," improved over his auditions as well and treated the judges to a little vibrato, a little falsetto, and a whole lot of gorgeous tone. Judge Steven Tyler couldn't contain himself, letting out a "wow" and various other sounds of approval. On to the next round for these three.

Steve Beghun, the goofy but talented accountant from the Milwaukee auditions, unfortunately paled in comparison to the previous performers power-wise. He took the Hollywood trip as a sign he was on the right track, and though he's going home, he's not quitting. "American Idol" then tossed out the news that belly dancer Heidi Khzam was going home, as well as shocker elimination Sarah Sellers. It'd be interesting to know what got this sexy market analyst/singer with the husky voice booted from Hollywood, especially as Jennifer Lopez had declared her "one of the best we've heard" during the New Orleans audition.

"American Idol" went for the drama in the next bit, showing the exes Rob Bolin and Chelsee Oaks hanging with Mr. & Mrs. Perfect, Nick Fink and Jacqueline Dunford. Though they were all a bit wavery and showed more potential than actual power, Nick was the only one sent packing. Despite the way the show played up Nick and Jacqueline's overly syrupy puppy love, these kids seemed harmless and not mean-spirited, so it was a shame when Nick had a meltdown and tried to protest the judges' decision--even bursting into song in the aisle again. The couple seemed shell-shocked after being ground through the "AI" drama machine, with Jacqueline confessing that they'd never thought of anything bad happening at the auditions. Welcome to the evils of Hollywood, you Formerly Optimistic Kids.

Winding down, we got deep-voiced country singer Scotty McCreery, the relaxed natural talent of Jackie Wilson, and Jerome Bell, a vocal acrobatics fan from the Milwaukee auditions. All three made it through to the next round by singing repeats of their original "American Idol" audition pieces.

Then we got an inexplicably hostile "American Idol" performance from Tiffany Rios, whom you may remember as the Jersey girl with giant stars strategically placed on her bikini top. Poured into a bustier and super tight skirt, Rios began her Hollywood audition by snarkily announcing, "I'm tired of seeing people try to do what I know I can." Much to the chagrin of every contestant who wanted to punch her right then, Rios wailed out some pretty impressive notes as she clutched at a stair railing for support during her animated performance. Despite her rudeness, Rios is moving on, no doubt to stir "good TV" up during the group number round.

Sadly we said goodbye to Travis Orlando, the kid from the Bronx who's spent time with his family in a shelter and had a supportive brother who got him through it all. Unfortunately Orlando caved under the pressure, and his nerves completely obliterated the good notes we'd heard at the New Jersey auditions. The good news is he won't be giving up his music, so here's hoping we'll see him in another year or two when he's further honed his performance skills.

So ended the ruthless hacking at the 300-plus performers who had shown up to Hollywood. The number of screechy bad meltdowns "American Idol" shared with us proved that the judges had sent way too many people through, usually based on their charms rather than their skills. Suffering through the contestant carnage seems utterly pointless, since "AI" narrowed our view of the auditions to the people who will most likely make up our top group. We didn't get to feel any sense of wonder or discovery tonight--only a sense of disappointment or inevitability. That's not the best vibe for a reality show.

Those also appearing in the next round in Hollywood include San Francisco super talents Clint Jun Gamboa, Emily Anne Reed and Stefano Langone as well as the-jury's-still-out-for-me Julie Zarilla. We'll get another dose of the adorable, sweetly harmonizing Gutierrez brothers, the stellar vocals of Milwaukee Summerfest worker Naima Adedapo, crazy "awkward Idol" Ashley Sullivan and White House intern Molly DeWolf Swenson.

Tune in to "American Idol" every Wednesday and Thursday night at 8 pm ET. Check your local listings as times are always subject to change.

Check out: Has 'American Idol' Found Another Adam Lambert in San Francisco?