'American Idol' New Orleans Contestants Interesting Enough Without All the Sob Stories

Tonight's "American Idol" had its ups and downs. On the plus side, there was finally a contestant worth getting excited about, and a few more worthy of a second look. On the down side, after I complimented Randy "Dawg" Jackson last night, he sadly seemed to completely lose all ability to speak relevantly in New Orleans. Maybe the pressure of being in his home town was too much.

End With a Bang, Start with a Whimper...and a Wail

"American Idol" began with a small segment featuring contestant Blake Patterson. A screen of text notified us that Blake had just auditioned for Hollywood. Blake was at a grand piano, playing quite nicely, singing "Smile" with true emotion. That emotion led rapidly up to a crescendo of yelling out the lyrics in obvious agony, and then running off in tears. "He won't be going to Hollywood," the text tells us.

Well. So much for being a kinder, gentler "American Idol."

Let's End the Auditions Right After This

After informing us that New Orleans had 6500 "American Idol" hopefuls, we finally got to see one worth looking at--and listening to. Twenty-one-year-old Jordan Dorsey, a tall and handsome piano and voice lesson teacher, chose to perform "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" as his "American Idol" audition. You'd expect to cringe over such a song choice, but not with Jordan. His voice was smooth and sweet, floating effortlessly up to the high notes, and giving the song a touch of elegance. Then he picked up the tempo, announcing "I'm gonna change it up," and snapped his fingers along with a jazzier version of the tune. Nicely done, all around.

"American Idol" judge Jennifer Lopez gave the camera a meaningful "hubba hubba" gaze during Jordan Dorsey's performance, and as he finished, she let out an appreciative "Whoooo!" She announced she had "goose-pimples all over my body," and it wasn't just the cold air in the room. "It's not the cold, it's the warmth of his voice," Steven said helpfully. The three judges were sold; Randy perhaps because both he and Jordan were sporting the same fashion statement of a plain white t-shirt. Bring on the wardrobe people, please!

Clothing choice was a small concern in this case. After two hours of "enh" yesterday with a bit of perking up at the end, it was nice to start off "N'Awlins" with an "American Idol" contestant worthy of getting excited about. Fingers crossed that we get to see what song choice Jordan comes up with next in Hollywood.

Can Feel the Humidity from Here

"American Idol" gave us a slice of New Orleans' swamp land and gators, and you could just feel the heat and humidity, even if there was 4 inches of snow on your front lawn. "American Idol" followed this up with people who should be metaphorically thrown into the swamp, assaulting the judges' and home viewers' ears with very, very bad singing.

It Wasn't an Affair with the Mailman, It Was Steven Tyler...

Next up was "American Idol" contestant Sarah Sellers, an attractive gal with perfect hair, a bright red dress and dark-framed, rectangular glasses. Her whole look and manner said "Sexy Accountant," and Sarah informed the "American Idol" panel she was a marketing analyst by day and an aspiring singer by night. All Steven Tyler wanted to know, however, was "Where did you get those lips?" Sarah took the question in stride, saying no one in her family had that feature, so she wasn't sure where it came from. The obvious innuendos ensued.

Sarah Sellers chose to break out a Bob Dylan tune, "Make You Feel My Love." It was a deep, husky-voiced performance that was definitely appealing. Steven said "You had me sold the second you laid eyes on me," which was an interesting way of putting it, but Steven took the other judges' ribbing and declared his appreciation of Sarah's vocals. Randy liked her voice and Jennifer Lopez declared her "one of the best we've heard." Not too shabby, and it's a golden ticket to "American Idol" Hollywood.

Too Sexy for His Shirt

Cuban, ship loader Jovany Barreto was on "American Idol" to sing, but he was prepared to be eye candy as well. Declaring his love right off for judge Jennifer Lopez--who apparently became a "goddess in [his] eyes" after she married his hero Marc Anthony. Hmm, okay. "American Idol" played up the devotion with glamor shots of J-Lo and her musician hubby, with plenty of sparkle and romantic stars.

Dressed in a shirt, tie and vest, Jovany performed Luis Miguel's "Contigo en la Distancia" with a good, strong tenor voice. Afterward, he slobbered praise on J-Lo, who was already ready to like him. She admired his "very powerful voice" and said she liked that he was just as moving with a whisper as he was with the more belted out tones. Steven Tyler felt he was "delicious" melodically. Jovany earned three big "YES" votes.

I have to give Jovany credit for winning the audition on his vocals, and waiting until he'd gotten the golden ticket to do his strip tease act. Jennifer's interest was piqued when Jovany started flipping open buttons, and she implored her panel cohorts to let her enjoy the moment. The guys wouldn't stand for that, however, so Randy and Steven joined Jovany and his ripped abs in a simultaneous tummy reveal. Whatever your preferences for physique, there was a little bit of everything going on in that "American Idol" threesome. "We all look the same, it's crazy!" Randy joked.

After the strip tease, Ryan Seacrest congratulated Jovany on his ticket to "American Idol" Hollywood, but couldn't resist a jab about how Jovany somehow managed to get the guys to strip--and not the sexy female star. Inside the judging room, J-Lo was still reeling. "What just happened here?"

Blast from the Past

The next audition was a combo act. "American Idol" contestant Jacquelyn Dupree walked in with a cluster of high school pictures of judge Randy Jackson--and then she brought out his former high school coach. It was old home week, and while it was a little awkward, Randy seemed genuinely nostalgic when looking at the photos of his younger self. With his usual lack of filter, Steven asked Randy's coach "Did you ever paddle his a#$? The coach didn't blink an eye, and replied that Randy had been too big--then a beat later murmured that hitting Randy "might've broke the paddle."

After all the ribbing and hugs, it was time for the actual audition to start. Jacquelyn sang "I'll Stand by You," by the Pretenders. Luckily, after all the spectacle, she turned out to have a good voice and good control of the notes. Jennifer Lopez said it was "soft, real, beautiful and awesome." Steven thought she had "great ups and downs," which we can assume he meant in musical scale, not quality. Randy was probably still looking at his high school photos, but it was three yeses to send Jacquelyn to Hollywood.

Simply Red

Sixteen-year-old Brett Loewenstern was another "American Idol" contestant who appeared to have features the rest of his family didn't. This time it wasn't a Steven Tyler-esque set of lips: instead the slight, whispy-voiced teenager had a striking halo of red, curly hair. During his "American Idol" bio, Brett spoke of being picked on in school, singled out for being different. Well, being different can be a very good thing on "American Idol," so Brett chose a good venue on his quest to "Be happy with yourself no matter what."

After a brief banter with the "AI" judges, Brett launched into his version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Brett had a good voice, but I wasn't as overwhelmed as the judges seemed to be. Apparently the return to old school "American Idol" style singers is not my cup of tea. All the belting, runs, whispery interludes and stylizing tends to grate after awhile. Not that Brett displayed all of those techniques, but he definitely suits the showy style the judges seem to be looking for. Jennifer Lopez seemed particularly entranced, and said he reminded her of Simply Red, not just because of the hair, but "'cause of the soul."

The Train Wreck

You know things aren't going to go well for "American Idol" hopeful Gabriel Franks when they show the confident character getting his number to stick on for competition and having the paper stick completely to itself instead of to his shirt. Apparently "AI" numbers are the competition equivalent of plastic wrap.

The "American Idol" judges were first fascinated with Gabriel's looks, which Randy prompted him to say were similar to Steven. Steven wasn't convinced. "I know it well, and you have Mick Jagger's mouth." Of course Randy wanted to know what he meant by "I know it well." The truth was, Gabriel did resemble Mick Jagger pretty heavily, yet somehow decided to sing "Bad Romance."

The performance was akin to some sort of musical seizure. Gabriel went completely over the top, with contorted facial expressions and the creepiest I-need-an-exorcism random eye-rolling I've ever seen on "American Idol." There were also some overly exuberant hand claps and a lot of roaring vocals. The sad part was, underneath all of the insanity, was potentially a good voice. My husband and fellow armchair critic thought Gabriel should have gone with the obvious and tried a Mick tune, or even something like the Doors. But alas, it was Lady Gaga craziness and it was three "no" votes for Gabriel.

Bigger Train Wrecks

Gabriel was small potatoes compared to the disturbing montage of bad "American Idol" auditions that followed. There were screeches, wails, forgetting of words and Mardi Gras costumes. A ship's foghorn thankfully put a stop to a strangely "rapping" performer wearing one white sequined glove and a multi-color sequined hat. Bad. Just bad. After one such miserable, not-a-snowball's-chance-in-hell performance, the usually sweet tempered J-Lo asked, "You've seen the show, right?"

Just like Space Camp Doesn't Make You an Astronaut, Going to "Idol" Camp Does Not Make You a Singing Star

Eighteen-year-old Alex Attardo was feeling confident in his chances to win a ticket to Hollywood, based on all that he learned at "American Idol" camp when he was 15. The judges were hoping for greatness, and instead got a completely out of tune, yelling and wavering vocal performance. The notes were just not there.

Possibly waking up from his "Idol" nap, Randy took the ruthless route, suggesting "maybe we should cancel the camp." Steven tried to put a nicer spin on it, gently telling Alex that "you stray too far on the melody." Randy followed it up with a blunt "It was terrible." Alex gasped in shock at the tough critiques, and Jennifer Lopez moved on to the vote to spare Alex any more of Randy's critiques.

Jacee Badeaux

Clearly "American Idol" is pushing for a teen idol. So far, I'm not buying it. Tonight we got Jacee Badeaux, a sweet-faced boy with a high adolescent voice. Jacee startled the judges by singing "Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay," and surprised them further by infusing his light, girlish tone with a little bluesy edge.

Jennifer looked as if she wanted to ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks. "You're so sweet and so cute," she enthused. She and Steven both agreed Jacee's voice was "a thing of beauty." Randy added something about liking Jacee's hand movements that went along with the lyrics. Um, okay. I guess presentation is important. Whatever the critique, it was three "yes" votes and Jacee is going to "American Idol" in Hollywood.

Grab Your Hankie

I'm going to join the chorus of fan and critic voices saying enough with the sob stories on "American Idol." I know we're supposed to bond with the contestants, and that would be fine if I felt the best contestants were chosen, regardless of their back story. But when the bare minimum of vocal skill is required, as long as you have a family tragedy or hardship to trot out, that pushes the manipulation too far.

And the manipulation went into overdrive for this final contestant of the night. "American Idol" contestant Paris Tassin tearfully shared the story of getting pregnant at 18, even though "she wasn't ready." Simultaneous thoughts in the home viewing audience were: "Shouldn't you thought of that beforehand?" In any case, Paris' daughter was born with some disabilities, and Paris was hoping to win "American Idol" to help her take care of her child.

Paris chose to sing "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood, because she felt she could identify with the lyrics. She started off with a nice, pleasant country voice and good solid notes. Once she belted out bigger notes, however, things went off, and the tempo seemed a bit random. Nonetheless, like Kara before her, Jennifer Lopez was "spontaneously" moved to tears by the performance. She remained tearful throughout the judging, telling Paris, "I could feel what you were singing."

"I did that for my daughter," Paris said, and then in a "random" coincidence after the judging wrapped, J-Lo ran into Paris in the lobby. She showed her "caring" side with the little girl, who clearly wasn't too keen on all of these strangers and cameras pointed at her. She turned her back on it all, which was the right idea.

Here was an example of story trumping vocals. Even Paris realized she hadn't put in her best performance, insisting after the three "yes" vote that "I'm gonna do so much better." This is nothing against Paris, who does have talent, but what about the people who did do better the first time around and didn't get a chance because they didn't have a "story"?

"American Idol" in New Orleans: Final Verdict

Thankfully, the featured contestants in New Orleans were more interesting than the New Jersey auditions. Jordan Dorsey is my pick for the night, but I also enjoyed Sarah Sellers. I'm trying not to get too attached to any one contestant, however, since the Hollywood cuts are going to be ruthless, and there's always the possibility we won't see some of these people again after tonight--except perhaps in a quick flash in a montage of those going home.

Two things were still good tonight--the show still largely focuses on the talent, rather than the crazies. Steven Tyler was still funny tonight, and I appreciate his true enthusiasm for the music. Three things were unfortunate. As I said in the intro, Randy seemed to have lost his way again, largely relying on his fellow judges to let him know what opinion he should have. I don't understand why he does this. The few times Randy dared to disagree in past "Idol" episodes, I often agreed with him. Here's hoping he can find his voice in the next few weeks and not devolve back into "yo-yo" and "dawg" for every response.

I also didn't appreciate the exploitation of a young child to win "American Idol" votes. And do we really need more fake crying episodes? What is the point? Most fans like Jennifer Lopez already. She doesn't need to resort to tactics like these to show how "sensitive" she is. Just let her be a judge, that's what she's there for. For my third complaint, I really did not enjoy the Ford ads on the screen during the episode. I felt like I was watching a YouTube clip. I kept looking for the little "x" to click so I could get rid of the ad. Does "American Idol" not make enough money already in advertising?

It's Cheese-head Central next week as "American Idol" travels to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Tune in to "American Idol" every Wednesday and Thursday night at 8/7c. Check your local listings as times are subject to change.