'American Idol' Top 13 Results -- the First Girl Goes Home

Not surprisingly, "American Idol" eliminated a girl from the Top 13. Sadly, the bottom three were also all women. It seems it's going to take a really amazing lady, and/or a lot of producer manipulation, to get us a female winner again. The "AI" teen girl voters just don't care about other girls. It's all about the dudes. Sadly this anti-woman sentiment seemed to spill over into the Diddy Dirty Money performance as well, but we'll get to that later.

Get Well Soon

Ryan started off the show by informing us that "American Idol" contestant Casey Abrams had been hospitalized again, and they were wishing him well. According to THR, Casey has ulcerative colitis, "an inflammatory bowel disease which affects the lining of the large intestine." This is serious stuff, and is exacerbated by stress, so Casey found himself in the hospital getting transfusions again. I don't want Casey to drop out of the competition, but his health is the number one concern. I hope he gets good treatment and takes care of himself.

Worst Space Planning Ever

Next we got to see the "American Idol" mansion, and the Top 13 contestants racing through it like excitable 10-year-olds gone wild. Ashthon slides down the grand staircase on her butt! Casey dunks his face in the hot tub! I'm surprised we didn't see them running with scissors, turning all the lights on and leaving the refrigerator door open. Thirteen sets of parents were at home, cringing in shame.

The big moment for the "AI" kids was running into their community bedrooms, because nothing says A-list mansion like a room full of iron-framed twin beds in institutional rows. Apparently the kids will be singing "It's the Hard-Knock Life" before they go to bed, trying not to wake an inebriated Miss Hannigan.

Shock of the Night

No, it wasn't the final elimination. The surprise was that the group number, a medley of Michael Jackson tunes, was--dare I say it--actually good. After the painfully stilted, auto-tuned awkwardness of season 9's group songs, it was refreshing to see this year's top singers actually putting together a cohesive number that had good vocals and energetic choreography. The "American Idol" contestants tackled "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'," "Rock With You," "Black or White," and "Man In the Mirror." Stefano Langone seemed to be the most excited about doing the songs, and he had a couple of great solo moments. It didn't seem like Scotty or Thia had a solo bit, but the whole number moved pretty fast.

Insert Intense Marketing Here

"American Idol" presented us with the first Ford music video of the year. The sum total of my response is a shrug and an: "enh."

Next we got what amounted to a ten minute trailer for upcoming flick "Red Riding Hood." Amanda Seyfried was in the audience and had even less to say in response to Ryan's questions than the "AI" contestants usually do. The "AI" contestants walked the red carpet and ranged from slobbery fangirling over star Shiloh Fernandez (no argument here) to Paul McDonald flirting with a smitten Nikki Reed and then going "Is she a famous actress or something?" Whoops. Guess it's not surprising Paul hasn't seen the "Twilight" series.

The Bottom Three...Maybe

The first trick of the night occurred when Ryan called for the bottom three: Jacob Lusk, Karen Rodriguez, and Stefano Langone. I was trying to remember if they had ever given the final vote this early in a results show, and the contestants started sweating and apologizing for last night's performances. Then Ryan announced they were "All safe!" Erm, well, except for Karen. Psych! Yes, because raising someone's hopes and then snatching it all away the next second is just awesome drama, and sadistic in the least bit. Good for you, Karen, for showing restraint and not punching Ryan in the face.

Adam Lambert

I am still trying to figure out how I felt about Adam Lambert's stripped down acoustic version of his song "Aftermath." Part of the problem may be that "Aftermath" is probably my least favorite song on his excellent first album. Personally, I would have loved to hear him do "Soaked (Watch here, but ignore the truckload of glitter that dumped on him and just listen to his operatic voice)" or "A Loaded Smile."

Speaking of glitter, Adam's style was as minimalistic as his performance, going for the handsome rocker rather than the fierce glam rocker vibe. At the start of the song he seemed a little unsure of himself, and I wondered if it was the nerves from being back on the "American Idol" stage, or if he gets some of his confidence from that glam persona. Without all the pomp, he seemed a little vulnerable out there.

Oddly, on a second viewing of "Aftermath," it didn't feel as hesitant in the beginning as I'd originally thought. So maybe we needed a few moments to adjust to a subtler Adam before we could really get into the performance. On both listens, however, it's clear he really hits his groove later in the song and gets to show off those pure, powerful belted out notes and his sweet, sweet tone. We even got a little bit of the scream in there to please his "AI" fans, and the crowd went berserk.

Doin' the Dougie

Ryan talked with Ryan about the different versions of "Aftermath." Adam said he'd done the acoustic version because he wanted to strip it down and make the message the focus. Ryan then mentioned Adam's remix of the song benefiting The Trevor Project. Adam hoped people would find the upbeat dance mix motivating, and Ryan quipped that he'd be doing "The Dougie" to the music. This led to a an impromptu teaching session, with J-Lo demonstrating a bit of the dance craze with Adam--who attempted a few moves after J-Lo's instruction. The camera then panned to the "AI" contestants, where half of them were wildly acting out their own Dougie style. Hilarious.

As usual, Ryan gave plenty of fanboy love and respect to Adam. In honor of Ryan, we'll make a gratuitous comment regarding Adam having one of the prettiest, sweetest smiles on the planet.

Three Girls Are a Crowd

It was time for more Needless "Idol" Torture. Ryan called up Lauren Alaina, Ashthon Jones and Haley Reinhart. Lauren turned on the pout again and said, with trembling lips, "They were right; it wasn't good. I watched it. It was bad, and I'm sorry." Then she looked about to cry. Ryan said he wouldn't drag it out since she was getting emotional (why start being compassionate now?) and told her she was unfortunately safe. Well, maybe that's not exactly what he said, but "unfortunately" and "safe" were in there, and that's what I heard.

The "American Idol" judges talked about Haley and her conflicting styles. Randy said she should be "somewhere between R&B and country," whatever that means. J-Lo made a Stevie Nicks comparison and told her to work with pop/rock. Now at least that makes sense. Ashthon said that her learning experience from last night was that she needed to pick a song everybody knows. Sadly, song recognition can help a contestant--but seriously, if you totally nail a song in an appealing way, no one will care if they've heard it before or not. When you release your own album, it's hopefully not going to be all cover songs that everyone knows already.

Apparently everyone over 16 is exempt from emotional considerations, so Ryan announced that Ashthon was going to the bottom three. Just as the girls hugged, Ryan added, "with Haley." Haley looked far more likely to punch Ryan than Karen had. Ryan announced that everyone still left on the couches was safe, and was surprised when no one believed him. Jacob, who'd been told twice that he was safe, looked like he was terrified they were going to pull the rug out at any moment.

Diddy Dirty Money

Skylar Grey kicked off Diddy Dirty Money's "Coming Home" with beautiful piano playing and stunningly rich vocals. Once again, Diddy proved his business genius in finding talented people and then using them to make himself wealthy. The good news is that Diddy gets them exposure so they can hopefully make some good money of their own. The bad news is that we have to hear him mucking up the song.

Dawn Richard and Kalenna Harper once again got relegated to the background, actually singing in the dark while Diddy took the spotlight. Eventually they were allowed to step into the light, but once the song was over, Ryan had a little mini-interview session with Diddy--completely ignoring the women standing on either side of him. It was incredibly awkward as the girls trailed behind the two men as they moved over to talk to the "American Idol" contestants and back again, the girls' mics silent lest they accidentally speak before being spoken to. Personally I would have preferred just listening to the three ladies sing for five minutes.

The Final Verdict

At the end of the hour, we'd reached the final results. Karen was the first to be sent to safety, then Haley. Despite Ryan saying she "might" go home, Ashthon knew it was all over. She once again sang the Diana Ross tune that got her sent home, but as is so often the case, she sang it so much better tonight than she did on performance night. She had more of an elegant tone, was a heck of a lot more on pitch, and all I kept thinking was, "Why didn't she do this last night?"

The judges "deliberated," but Jennifer was forced to tell Ashthon "Not this time, baby, I'm sorry." Ashthon was very emotional, particularly as she watched her goodbye video montage--that featured David Cook's remake of "Don't You Forget About Me." As the credits rolled, Naima was the first to nearly tackle Ashthon in a huge hug.

As far as who went home, it was a fair verdict. Ashthon hadn't lived up to her earlier promise, and the judges couldn't save her twice. What was unfair was Haley Reinhart being in the bottom three, especially considering all of the totally safe people who apologized for sucking the night before. Randy does have a fair point, however. Haley needs to figure out what genre to stick with so she can build a fan base--else she'll probably be going home next.

Watch "American Idol" every Wednesday and Thursday night on FOX, at 8/7c. Check local listings to verify times.

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