American Idol Withdrawal!

The countdown has begun. I only have months left until I get my fix. My hands shake and my mouth is dry. My dreams are haunted at night with distorted dreams of past nights that we spent together. The excitement and the endless discussions of what would happen at the end of the evening. The building expectation along with the sense of what might come. I am in "American Idol" withdrawal.

Visions of Chris and Taylor dance through my head. I love how they do what they do and just can't make up my mind exactly who does it best. The way they hit that certain note gives me shivers that run up and down my spine and I long for the time when we can be together once again. I miss the uncertainty. Who will become the winner? Will they live up to my expectations? Can my heart and my loyalty be held safely until next season, or will something I hear or read about their antics knock them off of the pedestal that I have placed them on? I know I have built them up to much higher standards then they might deserve, but it was all so much fun. Each week I looked forward to our time together, though the hour went so fast when we were united. Just when I decided that I had made a decision about who I loved the most, beautiful words and the look in the person singing that love song just for me would change my vote. Once again I was back into limbo. Who would be worthy of my devotion and my vote?

How I long for the endless discussion and the ever changing, and emotionally charged Internet chats that seem to follow wherever my favorite show goes. All the talk about it's worthlessness and lack of talent only proves to me that nobody knows everything. I even loved how Sanjaya made that little girl cry. I loved how I actually learned what something called "beat boxing" was. Face it! "American Idol" actually brought God to the masses. What about all of the arguments about whether that slightly over-weight guy, with the curly hair, was gaining enough support from his church and other Christians around the world to win? I guess it really didn't matter though because he lost anyhow even though he seemed to have the support of the big "Guy" upstairs on his side.

I miss the idea that anyone no matter how overweight, or sexy, or even how someone with premature graying hair and an awkward dance style can become a star. Okay maybe not exactly a star but the chance to be a star. I started out with the theory that "American Idol" was a crock. I would never lower my standards and watch something so silly. There were so many other things on T.V. that could and should hold my interests. What about The Discovery Chanel or The Learning Chanel? Week after week though I would look around to see if anyone would notice when I changed the channel from enriching my mind with knowledge to watching what I use to categorize as "sleaze T.V." When and how did I become addicted? Was it the adrenaline? Maybe it was the thunder of applause when someone did their best, or the tears that would flow unchecked down the cheeks of losers that crept into my heart. The fact is that somewhere or someway the nasty barbs exchanged weekly between Ryan and Simon threw at each other must have missed them and must have hit me instead, because I crave the feel of the competition and the love that Paula so freely gives to everyone, even me. I need it and I want it.

Though I missed "The Nation-wide Tour of Idols", that passed through my city a few weeks ago my eyes searched the local newspaper to read all the reviews and comments that I could find made about "Idol." The few sentences I read about how how Jordan wasn't quite her usual sparkly ( no pun intended) self and how the choreography was so precise that a watch could be set by it, still didn't quite do it for me. I need more. I need my fix. I wonder how I can begin to fill the months and weeks and days and hours until my anticipated high comes to pass? Will I survive? I know I must, and writing about "American Idol" will have to see me through. Looking on www.americanidol.com to read the latest about the auditions that will run nation-wide through-out the early fall, will have to fill my heart with hope of a future time when the two of us will spend the evening together once again. We will once again share our dreams and as I belt out the songs along with a new "American Idol" hopeful and think about what I would have worn if it was me up there, I will wonder why it is not me on that stage? I could have made that little girl cry too.