America's Got Talent - Final Auditions, 2009

The final countdown for the 2009 auditions of "America's Got Talent" brought us a reunion with good ol' BreakSk8 and Status Quo-now named SQ Entertainment. As TRUE reality-TV buffs will recall, both dance teams formerly made their debut into reality-television during the first season of Randy Jackson's "America's Best Dance Crew," where SQ Entertainment reached 2^nd place, right behind the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dance icons known as the JabbaWockeeZ.

As for "America's Got Talent," both teams earned mainly praise from the judges, but not without a dab of criticism-particularly for BreakSk8. Pierce Morgan expressed negative sentiments about the team, noting, "I'm going to stick to my gut feeling, which is that the skates are a problem." Methinks the only problem is the thatch of dark tweeds comprising Pierce's atrocious hairpiece. Regardless of his harsh critique, BreakSk8 did manage to skate through to Round 2, along with their ABDC peers, SQ Entertainment.

Other acts brimming with talent included 'A capella' singers, Mozaic; the gorgeous Lollipop Girls; drum-stick and ladder 'players', Recycled Percussion; piano extraordinaire, Jeffrey Ou; natural born singer, Koshka Raenelle; and a little Honoluan princess and singing-superstar named Ciana Pelekai.

Sadly, even the final episode of "America's Got Talent" was littered with rubbish. For instance, consider choir director Joseph James, who literally shattered my eardrums with his high-pitched squealing. Mind you, many props to him for representing himself with dignity, pursuing a righteous career, and trying his hardest-which, evidently, was a bit too much for our ears.

The next outrageous act to grip the stage was Brian and Anthony Locker, two pianists who foolishly thought it wise to intermix piano-playing with slapstick comedy; they were like a bad Laurel and Hardy act.

Following them was 'classically-trained,' but classically-untalented singer Inara Darko; a raucous circus act resembling two homosexual seals making seaside love (Scott Renkes & Derren ____); and Doctor Franklin Ruehl, a PhD-holding intellectual whose 'straws through a potato' act wasn't even worthy enough of Kindergarten.

The final act to steal the stage this season of "America's Got Talent" was Beale Street Flippers, featuring four friends from the rough streets of Memphis, Tennessee. To the tune of Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean," the young-buck acrobatic superstars flipped, flopped, and flapped like turbines all across the stage-while the last member moon-walked across the front. It was a bedazzling site to behold; one that elicited just two words from Pierce Morgan: "Flipping incredible!"