America's Got Talent, Season 4 Semifinals, Part 1 Results

The Semifinals round of America's Got Talent kicked off on Tuesday, the 2^nd of September. Tonight is the results show, during which there will be both tears of joy and despair. It's unfortunate, but only a select few can be chosen to proceed to the Finals. Remember though-only one act will ultimately reign supreme. Who will it be? It's up us as Americans to decide!

The ten acts that performed last night have returned for judgment. Included also are performances from Miss Piggy / Kermit and our own 'Pimp Daddy Hassle,' as he's been dubbed by the illustrious Nick Cannon. Hasselhoff rejoices, stating, "I'm looking forward to sharing the stage with Miss Piggy and Kermit." I hope they share the same sentiment about sharing the stage with you, ya' crazy Hoff-Nut!

The first contenders facing judgment are Arcadian Broad, the Texas Tenors, and Drew Thomas Magic. As Pierce Morgan himself stated last night, young Arcadian Broad is yet too inexperienced for a showcase in Las Vegas. Drew Thomas Magic, on the other hand, possesses both the experience and talent, but screwed up last night with a horrendous performance too reliant on sentiment versus illusion. Therefore, the act moving forward is the Texas Tenors! Well done, gentlemen!

It's now time for an outrageously lame performance by America's most famous puppets: Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. I suppose this act was chosen to appeal to children; it certainly isn't doing much for my 27-year-old self. It's sad what happens to our innocence as we age! Apparently, I have turned into Pierce Morgan, in that I'm now an old, mean, and ugly OGRE!

Up next are Grandma Lee, Tony Hoard and Rory, and Paradiso Dance. Grandma Lee-in my opinion-is slowly fading away, as her jokes are becoming evermore repetitive in nature. And though Tony Hoard and Rory did perform exceptionally well the previous night, I still feel that a dog act just doesn't quite cut the cake for Vegas. As for Paradiso Dance, their act still remains romantic, sexy, and highly entertaining. Sadly, America does not agree with my stance, as Paradiso dance is in fact the first to depart. Next to leave are Tony Hoard and Rory, thereby paving the way for Grandma Lee and her batch of naughty jokes. Kudos to you, you "NAUGHTY NAUGHTY" old Lady!

Before moving forward, we are given a Hoff-tastic performance by the one and only David Hasselhoff. In the words of Simon Cowell, "That was horrendous!" God bless Da Hoff's chiseled good looks and fun-loving personality, but the man was not born for singing!

Kevin Skinner, Acrodunk, Voices of Glory, and the Fab Five are the last four remaining acts. Each act delivered out-of-this-world performances the night before, making this perhaps the most heartwrenching decision of all. The first act to proceed is Kevin Skinner, whereas the first act to leave is Acrodunk.

As usual, the judges must now decide between Voices of Glory and Fab Five. In an unbelievable, yet joyful upset, the judges choose to allow BOTH ACTS-Voices of Glory AND Fab Five-to move onto the next round. Well done, indeed!

Tune in on September 8^th for the Part II Semifinals Auditions of America's Got Talent.