America's Next Top Model's Cycle 8: Der? What?

Last week's two-hour premiere of America's Next Top Model's Cycle 8 (what a mouthful!) was not worth the time invested. What did viewers get to see but a bunch of fame-hungry girls in skimpy bathing suits claiming that they had what it takes to make it to the top. And then when some girls' dreams were busted within the first hour, they cried or yelled or made up excuses. One girl claimed that you needed personality, apparently, not looks, and that was why she didn't get called back. Oh-kay?

That was just the introduction to the stupidity that went on for the rest of the show. Viewers met Kathleen, the first to get voted off, who apparently has a thing for fur: "I like fur. It makes you look hot," she told cameras. Later, when defending her for-fur stance in front of the judges panel, Kathleen said, "Animals die of natural causes just like humans." Twiggy set the poor dear straight: "Yes, but those aren't the animals they use for fur." "Oh," Kathleen said, "I didn't know that."

There seems to be a lot these girls don't know like constructive criticism, personality (lack of it got Samantha kicked off last night's episode), and taking responsibility for one's photo shoots. Renee is a big fan of making excuses. She blamed her poor picture, which the judges seemed to like, on not knowing how to be a class-clown while all the other girls got photo assignments tailored to their personalities. Uhm, it's called being versatile, Renee. Or is that word too big for you?

Speaking of big words, Russian mail-order bride Natasha doesn't understand anything. Both photo shoots have left her confused by a language barrier and when last night's runway challenge judge used the word "cognizant" when describing her runway behavior (she was "less than cognizant", he said), I cringed watching her expressionless face.

But really, none of the girls seem to know anything about modeling. I can't say that the photo shoots give them much to work with either. The first episode asked them to model a controversial issue. I'm starting to feel Russian here! Last night they were modeling high school stereotypes: jock, nerd, slutty girl. However, the girls left don't have anywhere to go but up, or off the show and back into oblivion. Hey! Kind of like the other ANTM winners!

Let's see who is still in the running:

Brittany, 21: Her first shoot was good. She was almost there. Second shoot...about the same. Going in, I can't say she was a favorite of mine, but she definitely seems to have turned that around given her shoot performances. She's also one of the quiet ones.

Cassandra, 24: Cassandra won me over in the first episode when she started doing imitations of Natasha and Kathleen. The girl has some acting chops. As for her photo shoots, I think she has potential, but again, not quite there yet.

Diana, 21: For a girl who came in with such confidence, I was completely disappointed in her photo shoots. Plus-size or not, you can't be ANTM if you can't take a good photo. Her face tends to go dead and she didn't really get the shot last night.

Dionne, 20: Dionne had to pose naked with a bunch of vegetables strung around her body in the first episode. I think she did pretty well for the situation. Last night she got fierce and sultry. But she's not a contestant that really stands out.

Felicia, 19: She is the girl who claims to look like a baby Tyra. Okay, but can she photograph like Tyra? Both pictures so far have been praised by the judges. Last night's action shot of "jock" Felicia was really superb. The girl knows how to move her body.

Jael, 22: What is Jael smoking? I want to like her. She's got edginess (which needs to come out more in her photos), she's got a great body, she's got talent with fashion and walking (she won the first competition challenge), but then she speaks. And I want to hurt myself. Her smoker's voice is annoying and nothing that comes out of her mouth is worthwhile. I can only hope she begins to feel more comfortable with being herself on the show otherwise, she's done.

Jaslene, 20: She looks familiar because she was one of the unlucky finalists from last cycle. Does anyone else think Jaslene reminds them of John Lequizamo in "To Wong Foo..."? She does take some pretty fierce photos, though. Take last night's shoot, for instance. Jaslene as the high school outcast was perfect! She nailed the sulky, slouchy, trenchcoat look.

Natasha, 21: Natasha is from Russia. She married a 40-year-old American man who brought her back home to Texas. She speaks with a pronounced Russian accent that has many viewers speculating that it's overdone. She made the cut last night but just barely.

Renee, 20: Renee is doing this for her baby boy and for her husband who is in Hawaii "trying to make some money". If Renee really wanted to help the fam out, she could take a good photo and stop being so self-righteous. My favorite Renee excuse so far: She was mad that Jael won the thrift-shop outfit challenge in epsidoe one because "Jael thrift-shops."

Sarah, 20: Sarah talks the talk, but can't seem to walk the walk. When it came to her first photo shoot, all her past modeling experience/talent seemed to run away, if it ever did exist. Last night her knowledge affected her again by causing her to overthink the shots. Uh-oh.

Whitney, 21: The other plus-size model on this show. Whitney did better than Diana in the first shoot and might last longer, but competing against all the twig-like girls will be difficult, especially since we all know that plus-size girls have a short shelf-life on this show.