Amy Lee of Evanescence

Nearly five years ago, I turned myself onto a band called Evanescence. I had never heard of them before, but the vocalist blew me away. They reminded me of Lacuna Coil, an Italian female-fronted goth/metal band that some say Evanescence ripped off. I won't get into the originality debate.

I'm writing this article to convince Amy Lee that she should marry me. I'm also writing it to contravene the naysayers. Evanescence reminds me of a time when mainstream rock was actually worth listening to. This was back before nu-metal, pop/punk, and emo detritus soiled the airwaves and made it impossible to listen to the radio without wanting to insert a 20-inch catheter into your…left ear.

Evanescence released Origin in 2000. It was well-produced for an independently-released debut. The band's brand of electronic goth sounded fresh, though it was mired by "Christian rock" cheese that would taper off with time. When 2003's Fallen was released, I was frustrated. I couldn't find any information on this band anywhere. I wanted to see more pictures of this Amy Lee. I also wanted to see more pictures of her in addition to more pictures of her. See, when I italicize certain words, it almost seems like I'm not obsessed with Miss Lee. Almost.

Soon enough, Evanescence was everywhere. While I loved the band's LP's, I eventually became sick of them. It happens to any band that is overexposed. Critics pressed to label them as a flash in the pan. When co-founder Ben Moody decided to leave his meal ticket, the band's denouement seemed imminent. Little did the public know that Moody was holding Evanescence back. He was far too interested in writing pop ballads, as evidenced by his collaborations with Avril Lavigne and Anastacia. I would like to assert that Ben Moody is an idiot. He will be begging to crawl back into Evanescence within the next few years, if he hasn't already.

Is Evanescence simply The Amy Lee Show by this point? Who cares? If the music holds up, does it really matter who plays in her backing band? I don't feel sorry for her bandmates. They're getting a free ride, and they probably appreciate the fact that they can rake in millions without being recognized in public. Speaking of Amy Lee's cleavage (???), I'm growing weary of reading jokes about her weight. Some have even called her fat. FAT??!?!!??!?

If she's fat, then I'm an albino Brontosaurus with a penchant for Ritz crackers. Regrettably, the majority of the male gender confuses curves with fat rolls. I'm sorry, but Amy Lee is beautiful. It's a good thing that The Open Door, Evanescence's third full-length album, is a strong batch of pop/rock ditties. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to justify staring at the CD jacket for hours on end.

What do you mean that's abnormal?