An Adoption Tale

When I was a young girl teen pregnancy was just starting to climb in our hometown. In fact, of the 300 girls in my graduation class there were at least 100 unwed mothers. Back in the day adoption was the alternative you had to an unwanted pregnancy.

Finding myself pregnant at 16 and unwed was one of the hardest things my mother and father had to endure during my rebellious years as a teen. When I told my mother that I wished to keep the infant that I carried, the thought was strictly selfish.

Little did I know that not only was having a baby was an unforgettable experience but a difficult one also. By staying in our little town while pregnant I was forced to leave school and endure the snickers of those who once had been my friends.

After a long and hard delivery I finally took a baby girl home from the hospital. Now I was sure raising a baby was easy because after all women had done it for centuries. Wow what a surprise I was in for. After the first month I was so confused and delusional I talked to my mother about adopting this tiny little life to another family.

My mother then said it might be easier if I adopted my daughter to her and my father so that they could raise her. My mother found an attorney and she and father did all the work to get everything set up. I was so immature that the issues of my parents raising my child as my sister never even came to my mind. I am sure mom and dad had thought of this but did not speak of it because they so strongly wished me to continue with the adoption.

Once in the attorney's office to sign the necessary papers I paused. Did I think to myself, "this may not be the right thing." No I thought this would be the most convenient choice. The difficultly came when I realized that by adopting this child to my own parents I in reality was making my life obsolete to them. Once the baby was clearly their legal responsibility I was required to leave home because I could not stay and assist with the baby. My mother over the next 14 years became more obsessed with keeping my daughter in the dark as to her original birth that it became impossible for me to visit them.

I married when this baby was 8 and began another family of my own as an adult. My mother never accepted my son and daughter as grand children - to tell the truth she never even sent them a Christmas card or gift clear up till the day she died. My family was not welcome at their home for fear that my children may tell the adoptive child of her origin. I need to add here that my husband was the only one who knew of the adoption our children did not know.

I don't think adoption is bad but when a child gives birth to a baby it is difficult for them to see years into the future to see the hardship of what their steps are making. Not only hardship on the child who is adopted but on yourself the hurt, guilt all of that hits an adoptive parent. If I had this to do over again I would have adopted my child to an unknown person, to have her actually become a wall between my relationship with my mother and father is one of the worst experiences of my life.