An Autistic View on Communication

Many people believe that autistic people have a problem communicating. It is true that autistic people have problems communicating but it is also true that "normal" people have a problem listening.

Non-autistic people, in my experience, seem to put far greater weight on body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice than on the actual words being spoken. This happens to such a great extent that a small but significant portion of "normal" people are unable to absorb a reasonable amount of meaning from the written word. Many non-autistic people consider the written word impersonal, probably as a side effect of their reliance on body language, facial expression, and voice tone for understanding.

Autistic people tend to do quite the opposite. Many autistic people are easily duped because we often take what people say at face value. Some autistic people prefer to communicate with the written word and despair of figuring out what all of those facial expressions, tones of voice, and body language mean. To get by, many autistic people find that they must learn to mimic non-autistic facial expressions, body language, and tones of voice.

Clever Hans, a horse once thought to be a genius of a horse that could understand human language and do math problems, had the same capacity non-autistic humans have for reading body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. He could read his trainer's non-verbal signals so well that Hans could tell when the trainer thought the number count of stomps was right or what the trainer wanted him to do. Clever Hans was so clever about reading his trainer that the trainer had no inkling that the horse was not actually figuring out math problems or any number of other intelligent looking things.

Add a few thousand words to what Clever Hans was able to do and you have the average non-autistic human's communication strategy.

"Normal" humans only seem to process a small amount of what others actually say and most autistic people don't speak the other language, the language of the body, that makes up, in my estimate, well over 50% of interpersonal communication. Not only do I believe that over half of "normal" human communication is physical, I believe it is given a higher weight and consequence than the actual word component of human language.

Now let me explain why I think this.

Over the years I've noticed a disturbing trend in my communication with non-autistic people. I will state something then later discover that the person I was speaking to interpreted what I said entirely different from how it was meant. That is, if they remember the topic of the conversation at all. However, if I simulate the expected facial expressions, tones of voice, and eye contact correctly the person I am conversing with will almost always interpret what I say correctly and they will recall it very clearly later.

Needless to say, it's a bit exhausting to simulate normal facial expressions, eye-contact, tone of voice, and body language for a prolonged period of time. So, if you have an autistic person in your life, you can make his or her life a lot better by actively listening when he or she speaks.

Sources:
Life experiences as an autistic person.
http://www.squidoo.com/coping_with_Aspergers