An English Paper on Why Nice Guys Finish Last, What?

I am sure that a good portion of people in today's society have heard the cliché "nice guys finish last" or some form of that phrase. All it takes is a good look around at society to see that the "nice guy" is indeed at a disadvantage in many aspects of life. Although nice guys can manage to survive despite their disadvantages in parts of life such as business, sports, or schoolwork, there is a more obvious, and not so easily brushed aside issue; the dating scene. Not to imply that the "nice guy" syndrome only applies to men, but for simplicity's sake, why do women, in general, tend to lean towards the real men, who may sometimes be mistaken for a "jerk" when compared to nice guys, while continually brushing aside the nice guys that lend their shoulders to cry on when a woman complains about how there just are not enough nice guys in the world. Sometimes women do not even know what they want for themselves, therefore confusing the nice guys that listen to what women say they want. However, not all blame can be put on women; nice guys must lack something that "jerks" have, perhaps they just are not masculine enough and do not have a backbone. Maybe the "nice" guy image may even just be an act and under the image may not even be genuine niceness, but instead, a manipulative hidden agenda. Society is not to different from the high school days where a large portion of the attractive women are seen dating jocks, bad boys, or "jerks" while the ever so helpful nice guys who lend their homework assignments and themselves as emotional tampons, are often seen sans attractive women.

You do not have to look far to see that a majority of attractive women are continually vying for the attention of "jerks" and bad boys while there is usually a nice guy on hand that she only views as a friend. In high school, this is obvious when you see the thugs and jocks getting all the girls while the nice, quiet, and/or helpful guys are on the side, always there for the girl, but nonetheless, on the side. Even throughout life, you will always hear of stories of how a girl will cry to her "oh so nice" guy friend about how her abusive boyfriend abuses her, yet will not give the nice guy a second glance and just go back to her abusive boyfriend while having thoughts similar to "Why can't there be more nice guys like him?" While nice guys are off buying girls flowers and chocolates, "jerks" are off being self-centered and having their way with multiple women. There has to be a reason that women prefer to be stood up, rejected, and even abused in opposition to being spoiled and given attention; logic seems to be at a complete loss when dealing with the dating scene. Hopefully, emotions can provide a better explanation.

Perhaps part of the emotional explanation can be blamed on women; after all, they are the ones who confuse men in the first place by saying they want chocolates, flowers, to be loved, etc. Women may say things that they think they want, but in reality they end up running towards the "jerks", "Well I think the truth is this: Women, more times than not, don't even know THEMSELVES what it is they are after" (Adonis). Nice guys have been learning the wrong way to attract women and end up failing, especially if they learned from a woman. Oftentimes, what a woman says is completely different from what she does, "Women tend to SAY what they THINK when they're asked a question. But they tend to ACT on their EMOTIONS when an actual SITUATION presents itself" (DeAngelo). The problem with relationships and dating is that they run on emotions, not acts. For example, someone may want materialistic gifts and may temporarily have some form of happiness from the gift, but that happiness is likely not so directed at the person it came from as much as it is directed at the gift itself. Therefore, part of the blame can be placed on women and society, if women themselves do not know what they really want, how can the nice guys know what to do?

If only part of the blame can be placed on society and women themselves, then the rest of the problems of the nice guy syndrome stems from the nice guy himself. Just because nice guys seem to be horrible with attractive women does not mean that they have to turn homosexual or stay single for the rest of their lives. Since the nice guy has a low chance at finding an attractive woman, they will have to settle for other types of women,

"Gentlemen! Do say: what type of woman will the Nicest Nice Guy attract? 'Sperm whales.' 'Hags.' 'B*tches.' 'Uglo girls' Indeed! What trait commonly unites all these girls that end up with the pathetic Nice Guy? Silence. Gentlemen! Your silence most offends me! Sure, these girls may be sweet. Sure, they may be smart. Sure, they may be many things. Yet, there is one thing that they aren't. They are not feminine. They are not girlish. The men nod" (Pook).

Pook's theory brings up a whole new way to look at the nice guy dilemma: Why do nice guys attract these types of not so feminine or girlish women? It is safe to assume that a straight, feminine girl would like a man since it has already been predetermined by nature that the only perfect other half of femininity is masculinity; actually, that is the only other choice. With that thought in mind, does that mean that nice guys somehow lack masculinity while "jerks" are the true men?

If the "jerk's" masculinity compliments and attracts the feminine women, then the nice guy must be lacking in masculinity if the nice guy does not compliment feminine women but instead, women that are not so feminine.

"And, likewise, what are these Nice Guys, these blobs of appeasing rolls of gooish flesh? Are these the men of the world?''NO!' These boys are not exactly feminine, but they certainly aren't masculine. They are neither. They are the androgenous blob who, without a spine, is clay to fit to any woman's desires or whims. Nice guys love women as a drowner loves a life preserver. He clings on to her because he cannot swim the waters of Nature. Tossed and tossed he becomes through his love life" (Pook).

Again, the concept of desires versus attraction comes up when nice guys lose masculine points for appealing too much to a woman's desire. Although a lack of backbone may not be the only reason nice guys fail with feminine women, it provides background for most of the other issues that a nice guy may have when dealing with women. A common trend observed by Pook between the nice guy and the "jerk" is that the "jerk" goes after what he wants and acknowledges that he wants the girl, whereas the nice guy does not even have the backbone to let it be known that he wants a woman, "-Acknowledge your sexuality" (Pook)! More often than not, a "jerk" or bad boy can be observed "hitting on" a girl because they know what they want, the girl, so they go for it, meanwhile nice guys are weaseling their way around the bush by acting like friends because they are too afraid to express their own sexuality. If a nice guy cannot let what he really wants from a woman be known, he will confuse the woman into thinking that he is only seeking friendship, thus eliminating the brief window of opportunity that he had to attract her.

Sometimes a woman may be smart enough or may like a nice guy enough to see past the friendship charade that the nice guy puts up, however, a lack of backbone can still hurt the nice guy in the long run. Usually, a man with a strong backbone will only appease to a woman's desires sometimes, and just does what he wants to do, letting the woman tag along if she so wishes. Nice guys on the other hand, lose more masculinity points when they cannot make a decision on what to do,

Don't ever say 'Idon't know, what do you want to do'. This is murder!! If you ever use that line or anything similair, you have already blown your chances. What you are really saying is 'Yes, I will be your puppy dog. Ask for anything and it is yours.' Make a decision for crying out loud. You know whether you want to do something or not. Don't be afraid to say it" (CoolHandLuke).

Even when chivalry was still alive (and that is assuming that chivalry is dead in the first place), men were expected to take the initiative and lead the woman, it was just the socially acceptable role of men. In present time, I think that the majority of people do not like to make decisions, but instead like to be lead; leading requires work and skill and not everyone can be an effective leader. In addition to CoolHandLuke's observation that a nice guy's lack of initiative making him seem like a puppy dog, it seems like the social standard of dating is for the man to ask out a female and there is no point asking someone out if you do not even know what you are going to be doing.

In addition to masculinity and attraction, it is also hard to be attracted to someone whom you do not respect, and once again, backbone is required for respect. If a nice guy is so scared and insecure about losing a woman that he will let her have her way even if it goes against his own values, then he is losing respect, "If she says or does something to try to take advantage of you, make it known right away. If you let her get away with it, she will know she can keep doing it. And then you, my friend, have shown her that you are not to be respected. Women want a MAN who they can respect" (CoolHandLuke). It only makes sense that people want to take a step forward in life, not backwards, so the only reason anyone would affiliate themselves with someone who they do not respect is to use them, and that is a long way from being attracted to the person.

Unfortunately, the nice guy does not only fall short on masculinity and backbone but also something much deeper: nice guys oftentimes are not genuine. The "nice guy" syndrome makes much more sense if you think of it as an unconscious act or putting on a face to cover up a hidden agenda; the "nice guy" may not even be a nice or generous person in the first place.

"Normally, I would think the problem is rather 'forced niceness,' which is nothing but hypocrisy. A guy who's overly nice and servile to a girl and does everything she wants in hopes that he'll get to nail her is not being "nice," he's simply making a feeble and pathetic attempt at manipulating her" (The Pedantical).

Being nice is about being generous, respectful and helpful, but when a "nice" person has a hidden agenda to try and manipulate another person, then they do not actually have any of the genuine qualities of a nice person. A genuinely nice person is easily respected and liked, when I say genuinely nice, that would mean someone who is helpful, generous and respectful while still standing by their beliefs; they are nice because they want to be nice, not because they expect something. Therefore, it is not too hard to understand that women do not like "nice" guys just because women can see through the nice act and realize that underneath the act is the real reason why the "nice" guy is giving in to her every whim: hopes that he can make her like him if he just does everything that she wishes.

Modern society has the nice guy at a disadvantage in life, and to top it off, there are too many stereotypical nice guys around. A stereotypical "nice guy" is usually not too successful in many parts of life, especially the dating scene. Not only does the stereotypical nice guy have a weak backbone, making them too easily influenced by what women say, lack masculinity, which is a great compliment to a woman's feminity, but the stereotypical "nice" guy may not even be genuinely nice, but instead, a lying manipulator that uses generosity to hide an agenda. In life, the real men who exhibit qualities or masculinity, backbone and genuinity, even if that means being a genuine "jerk" or bad boy, gets the girls while the nice guys just sit on the side and get pushed around by everyone else. Unfortunately, it is not hard to believe that nice guys fail with women since they already lack two important traits that women look for, masculinity and a backbone, while their only good traits, generosity, respectfulness and helpfulness turns out to be no more than a simple manipulating act.