An Idiot's Guide to Failure

There is a solution. Available now, produced exclusively for you, is our brand new guide entitled "How to fail without even trying."

Step 1: Show up late or, better yet, don't show up at all

Nothing screams I want to fail quite like absence. It might make the heart grow fonder but stop showing up to class and your grade will sink faster then a lead weight in a swimming pool.

Step 2: Make insane accusations

No one likes to be accused of any wrongdoing but normal accusations are just too slow and old fashioned. A faster way to get your grade reduced would be to make accusations that make no sense and are clearly false.

For example, while driving near campus tell your friends that your psychology professor stole your car. If that doesn't work, claim he steals your shoes at night and replaces them with a nearly identical pair only his replacement pair is covered in exactly eight hours worth of dust.

As soon as he's convinced you're not actually crazy, I'm sure you'll notice your grade plummet.

Step 3: Make up sources

Do you have paper that needs writing? Do you want it to sound official and valid without all the work of doing research? Well you're in luck because you can accomplish all this and earn that F simply by making up sources.

Did you know that according to a University of Wergina study, on average, three out of every five men found walking down any street in your hometown are actually giraffes disguised as people? For that matter I bet you didn't even know there was a state called Wergina!

Keep in mind that if you want to guarantee that F your sources will have to be as outlandish as possible. You wouldn't want the professor to think your facts were true now would you?

Step 4: Keep talking about the same thing over and over

Scramjets might be cool and your household pet might be groovy but at some point you have to move on and talk about something else, right?

Wrong!

You need to beat that topic into the ground if you want to truly earn that F! Write several papers about your dog, not just one. In fact, write about your dog in all your papers! That cute little puppy love's you so much he'll do anything for you, even help you fail.

Step 5: Bribery is your friend

Next time you have to hand in a test or paper, attach a single one dollar bill to your document with a small note reading "there are four more of these bad boys with your name on them if you know what I mean *Wink* *Wink*." Heck, most professors will be so impressed with your generosity that they'll give you that F without even asking for the other four bucks!

Final note

Start using our guide today and you could start seeing results in less then forty eight hours. But remember, next time you fail part of that F belongs to us!