An Imbecile Hears a "Metafour"

I sat at the bar with a cigarette in my hand, I was holding it for one of the bar rats who was busy in the lavatory. When he came back into the room, he thanked me for holding his smoke and then sat on the stool to the right of me. Seeing how we had become so acquainted, I felt as if he should hear about my horrible day and seeing how drunks are usually enlightened and knowledgeable individuals, he should be able to shine a light of hope in my eye. So I, very carefully, went though my problematic day.

"You're a sad sight." He said. "Look at my glass; do you think it's half empty or half full?"

What a dumb question, I looked at this fool for a second, then at the glass and said "Well its obviously... Hold on... It's obviously... Dear God." That's when I realized, I had no idea! I looked at the glass closer and studied it like a text book, right to left and bottom to top. Still, I could not figure out if the fullness or the emptiness, occupied more space and it drove me absolutely crazy. I took out my tape measurer; thankfully I always carry one for such a situation and measured the glass. Both the full and the empty came in between the two notches somewhere in between 4 inches and 7 cm and 8 cms, this simply wouldn't do. I had to uncover this mystery of this glass and whether it was indeed "half empty or half full". I had to get out of this bar and start immediately.

I asked the bar rat for his glass but he refused. He obviously wanted to solve the mystery for his own selfish reasons, which wasn't going to happen if I had anything to say about it, so I had to hit him over the head with a bottle of bourbon. I took his glass and ran out the door, but I couldn't find my car. I looked everywhere but it was no where to be found. That's when I remembered, silly me, I didn't bring it. The 13 mile hike to the bar should have been a dead give away, but regardless, I needed some wheels. I walked back into the tavern, reached into the bar rats pocket and took his keys plus a breath saver and went on my way.

I noticed something very interesting about the bar rat's GPS system; he still had the coordinance set for some location. Surely, it involved the glass in some way, so I decided to let it be my guide. The name of the place was called "Empty", and thankfully, it wasnt very far. The display said that I had 274 miles until I was there so I should be able to arrive by morning. I started the car and was on my way to Empty.

About half way down the road, I noticed red and blue lights flashing behind me. What was I going to do? I was driving with a glass of beer and the cop would probably be furious that I didn't have one for him as well. I was so close to discovering whether the glass was in fact, half empty or half full, I cant get stopped now. The officer told me I was that my driving was reckless. I responded with, "Wreckless? I must have had fifty in the last year... Was I suppose to report them?" I was lucky that she wasnt actually a police officer and more of just someone trying to live a dream of one of New York's finest, so I got off with a slap on the wrist... and the arm... and the face... I dont want to talk about it.

So I finally arrived at Empty, which was lucky, because I was just out of fuel. It was strange because Empty was remarkably near MIT. I knew there had to be someone there who could help me figure out my little conundrum. I went inside and found the most prestigious scholar of the entire university who then pointed me in the direction of one of the math tutors. I walked in the learning center and slammed the glass on the table and with the most intense look in my eyes, I asked him, "Is this glass half empty or half full? Give it to me straight, man!"

Thats when he looked at me with this strange and condescending look. He then told me, "Sir, that's just a metaphor." I wasnt sure what "metafour" meant and I was too embarrassed to ask, so I had to think. I decided the best way for someone like me to understand that kind of advanced mathematical lingo was to break the word "metafour" down. Meta, meaning beyond or to the next level and four as in 1,2,3,4, so my guess was that metafour was a number greater than 4. Unfortunately, after telling him all that, his head had very messily exploded and I was once again left without an answer.

I guess I'll never discover if that glass is half empty of half full but then again, maybe it wasnt about the actual contents of the glass. Could it be that it represented something more, perhaps the dim way I looked at the world? Maybe the bar rat was just trying find a formerly clever, overdone and cliché way of telling me to look on the Brightside of things... unlikely. I may have been set back but I wasnt giving up, there were many other universities to ask. I will let you know, as soon as I find out.