An Independent Holiday Survival Guide for Divorcees

An Independent Holiday Survival Guide for Divorcees - Many people, from all walks of life suffer the repercussions of the dreadful divorce. From parents to pets, everyone suffers, especially the children. Surviving the holidays is hard enough for most people, but toss in a divorce and the world might as well spin us all dizzy. How can anyone survive the holidays after a divorce?

The thought of giving thanks at such a difficult time, nearly impossible for anyone, but it doesn't have to be that way. Believing in ones self is the first step to regaining control and going on with your life. Divorce is ugly; it breaks down the mind and body, seemingly casting a shadow on the future. Step into the sun and shake that shadow loose.

Stressing out about whether or not to take the kids to your ex in-laws, why, you know these people better than you know yourself. Go, be eloquent and let the kids have fun, sit back while everyone else does the work and enjoy being a guest for a change. You owe it to yourself and your children, be proud of who you are and strong through the upcoming holiday season.

Children are very confused when it comes to adult themed situations, and divorce only adds to the confusion. Don't give the children more to worry about than they already have. If you are not going to accompany the kids to your in-laws festivities, assure them it is okay to spend the holiday apart from one another. Remind them to have fun, be sure to keep in touch with them through out the day and be excited for them when they tell you what a great time they are having. Positive reinforcement is essential to their growth. Don't let them know that you would rather be with them instead; this will make them feel as though they shouldn't be away from you. Help them to feel comfortable about not being all together on this day. Try to let them see that you are not being a bad person because you divorced their other parent.

Try to predetermine who gets the kids for what holiday and stick to it. If you split the day up between two parents this will surely stress out everyone and the children need stability now more than ever. If you have more than one child try to keep them all together for the holidays, avoid separating them if you can. Keeping the kids together will reinforce the family unit, even though you aren't with them on that day.

If you are dropping the kids off at the in-laws, make sure you have your own day all planned out. Spend time with family and friends, or attend a social function to meet new friends, don't spend the day alone. Spending the day alone can only put you in a place that will make you more depressed, and you don't need that.

Take this time to reflect on all the positive aspects of your life, beginning with the children. They are your life, and you must make every decision as if you were making it for them, which is to say if your child was making this decision, what would be best for them.

I find that after a divorce it is very difficult to determine who we are now that we are single. It doesn't matter if you were with your spouse for one year or for sixty years, redefining your individuality is confusing at best. Try not to live in the past, you aren't the person you were back then, and you never will be again. With time comes change, blossom in to the person you always wanted to be. Don't let anyone or anything stand in your way. Be strong and confidant of your ambitions. Anything worth having will never come easy. Use your head, put your heart into your children and you will be surprised just how easy it will be to release the past and proceed into the future. Never give up your dreams and aspirations, the only one you can really count on is you.