An Offer for Bookburners

For all you bookburners out there, I have a special treat for you. Right now, I have in my possession a book that contains sex, rape, violence, incest, murder, and -- gasp, be brave, you devout Christians -- magic. I know you want to add this one to your little bonfire, but please allow me to continue before you seize it.

In a free society like this, I'm amazed at the existence of people who have taken it upon themselves to save us from the offensive written word. With criteria known only to them, members of this unofficial Literary Police fight to ban certain books from our schools. They usually cite inappropriate content as justification for their actions. From what I've heard, inappropriate content includes explicit violence and sex, racism, and a dark, grim tone.

Ever since he came on the scene, Harry Potter has been on the Literary Police's enemy list. The basis is the widespread usage of magic in the world created by J.K. Rowling. Naturally, all good Christians are offended by anything championing magic, and I'm sure a few Wiccans are irked by the liberty Rowling takes with certain aspects of witchcraft. Other targets of banning include Robert Cormier's The Chocolate War and J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye. Can't let the gloominess and swearing corrupt the young ones, don't you know.

Now, I'm aware all people have their own tastes when it comes to all aspects of life including what books they read. Some of us embrace the standard happy ending while others see grim, dark ones as more realistic. Some hate profanity in literature, but others see it as part of natural speech. So why can't people just ignore what they don't like and focus on what they do like? Why can't they just practice self-censorship instead of forcing their beliefs on others?

Well, because it would be too simple. Normal people can't stand things being too simple. They can't stand other people enjoying something they find offensive, so they want to eliminate it. Hence the book bans and burnings that still plague this democracy and annoy the heck out of me.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if the Literary Police is being a bit silly when it picks its victims. I do admit I never want to see Hitler's Mein Kampf or The Turner Diaries in any high school, but Huckleberry Finn? Granted, racism is present, but the book is not promoting it. When Rowling created Harry Potter, I doubt she meant the books to serve as a training manual for future wizards and witches. They're just another series crafted in a grand tradition of letting children (and some adults) experience a world where anything is possible. As for C.S. Lewis' Christian-coded fantasy Chronicles of Narnia, people get killed in battle, giants try to eat people, and an evil witch in snake form gets beheaded. I swear if the Literary Police has its way, our libraries would be empty, and our future would resemble the one depicted in Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, where firemen act as society's censors. Perhaps some of the Literary Police should try to actually read the whole book before banning or burning it.

So, you devout protectors of society, are you still interested in my book? Do you want to take it from me and feed the purifying fire that only decreases the already questionable air quality? Do you want to save our community from smut?

You're welcome to it. After all, I have a lot of dictionaries at home.

Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara.