An Open Letter to Bo

There's a new mouth to feed in the White House. The Obama's have adopted a Portuguese (something or other) by the name of "Bo."

It's exciting to have a new family in the White House, but this new member could very easily be overlooked by the high profile of its other family members. To that end, I would like to issue an: "Open Letter to Bo."

Dear Bo,

Congratulations on your new position as White House Chief of Pets. In your new position, you will be placed under constant scrutiny. It will be up to you to maintain a level of professionalism and follow the White House protocol expected of all "First Pets."

It's true, you'll have a legacy to follow. The Clintons had Socks, The Bushes had Millie, the Johnsons had their beagles Him and Her, Ike had Mamie. (Incidentally, it's not known whether the Carters had a four-legged family member or not. It is rumored that Amy had a Chia Pet, which was thrown against the wall and broken into thousands of pieces, during an extremely ugly mood swing, because her little green friend refused to retrieve a stick.)

Your best bet is to follow the example of your predecessors. There is an exception here, of course, and that is Checkers, the Nixon's dog. No one is quite sure what was behind that scandal, but the White House can do without another black eye like that one.

Speaking of scandals, there will be much written about you; some true, some false, some merely speculation. Therefore, beware of headlines found on supermarket check-out lines. Headlines like: "Madonna Having Bo's Puppies." "Obama's Pet Takes Ride in Alien Spaceship." "Bo Grows Second Head."

Don't let these headlines create unnecessary stress for you. The stories are unsubstantiated, the pictures have been doctored and their writers are elementary school dropouts.

During your tenure, you will be expected to host other guests of your species. Included on the "A" list are Morris, Benji and the current Lassie. Those on the "B" list, or, not to be invited under any circumstances are, Garfield, a troublemaker, overeater, and left-winged radical, Flipper, a chronic rug-wetter and Rin-Tin-Tin, K9 Cop, a potentially dangerous guest and known Republican.

For your benefit, Bo, here is a list of "Do's" and "Don'ts" you should keep a dog's eye out for.

Do's - (1) Be punctual. Delinquency is a true sign of poor upbringing. (Rumor has it that Millie was late for a luncheon and she ended up eating kibble in the kitchen and almost got stepped on by a meandering Vice President Quayle, who was busy eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.)

(2). Always finish your meal. Remember there are animals starving in Katmandu.

(3). Always present a neat and proper appearance, clean coat, manicured nails and no disgusting eye crust.

Don'ts - (1) Bathe in public; especially body parts you wouldn't want seen on the cover of The Globe.

(2). During interviews, never discuss, in detail, any White House business. Simply respond with a "No bow-wow." Or, "I don't wish to bow-wow on that at this time."

(3). Finally, don't push your nose into foreign dignitaries crotches when they aren't expecting it. It could be cause for an "international incident."

If you follow these guidelines, Bo, you too, will follow in the paw prints of your historical predecessors. So, keep your head and tail raised high, bark with pride, and use the toys provided to you and not the pillows on the expensive sofa in the Oval Office.