An Open Letter About Security to the Guy in Charge

There are a few things about your organizations that have been on my mind. As you will see, they all revolve around recent security breaches that have taken place within your wide range of institutions. I'm going to begin at the beginning.

Incident #1: I was driving through the downtown area of the town that you run. I can't remember your position right now - Mayor, Chief of Police, City Council, City Manager? Oh well, it doesn't really matter for this discussion. As I was saying, I was driving through downtown the other day, and I was struck...by a brick. Yes, a brick. Red, rectangular, heavy, and hard as a, well, hard as a brick. This brick was unlike any brick I have ever seen before, mainly because this particular brick was flying in a very unbricklike manner, that is, directly through my windshield. Most of the bricks I've had contact with in the past seemed to be very content with sitting still, even to the point of being cemented in to place. This brick, apparently, had higher aspirations. Not content with forming a collaborative relationship with other bricks for the purpose of defining space, this brick coerced a local youth into heaving the brick skyward, in the general vicinity of my vehicle. While I do not blame the brick for its dream of flight, I feel that a fair piece of culpability must be attributed to the aforementioned youth. Even if you discount the obvious seduction by the wily building material, the actions of the youth make evident his malevolent intentions. You see, when I stopped my vehicle to surmise the damage that this misguided brick had inflicted, the youth proceeded to strike me about the head and neck with some sort of blunt object. It might have very well been another brick, but I can't be sure, as I began to lose consciousness at an alarming rate.

I'm not quite sure what time it was when I regained consciousness, as my watch was missing. I think it may have joined the brick in a cross country journey, or it may be at a local pawn shop. You never can tell with watches. Either way, as I opened my eyes, I noticed that the streetlights were just beginning to turn on. The streetlights in the downtown area are very nice, with a Victorian influence to their design. If I remember correctly, these lights cost the city twice as much as standard lights, but they were supposed to add a certain appeal to the area. If only the light design had included some sort of discreet video surveillance apparatus. The footage could have been used to apprehend the brick-wielder who absconded with my vehicle, watch, cell phone, and embarrassingly, my pants. Maybe if the downtown area was safe, people would actually go downtown and enjoy the pretty streetlights. As it is, you have spent millions on lights and flowers and decorations, but the place is more dangerous Baghdad. It's even worse than Chicago!

Incident #2: A few days after my unfortunate downtown incident, something completely different happened to me. I was riding my bike to work, since my car was still on hiatus, and I stopped by one of the convenience stores that you own. The store itself was very nice, with a wide selection of convenience and comfort foods, cold beverages, small toiletry items, magazines, and gourmet dried meat products of all varieties. The cashier was very friendly and knowledgeable, and I hardly noticed her mustache. The store was clean and well stocked, and I felt completely safe. As I browsed your selection of lightly flavored water products, I began to notice that your pricing structure was very high. Most products in the store were 20-30% more expensive than in competing establishments. As I continued my journey through your single serving oasis, I think I may have stumbled across the root of your pricing problem. I counted no fewer than three people surreptitiously sliding various packaged foodstuffs into their pockets and leaving the store. In fact, I believe that one of them was the youth from downtown. He was wearing my pants.

I approached the cashier, Darlene, and informed her of my discovery. She snorted out a laugh, and nodded knowingly. She then let me in on what I feel may be a company secret - the out of control shoplifting and internal shrink are the main reason why your prices are so ridiculously high. The only way to combat the overhead incurred by the theft is to penalize the honest people.

I think you may have missed an obvious solution here - why not increase your security? The added expense of a good surveillance solution, or RFID, or even a uniformed security guard could be easily offset by the lack of pilferage. As things stand today, I cannot afford to patronize your store, as I am saving money for a new car, watch, and new pair of Toughskin jeans, which are quite hard to find.

Incident #3: As you may or may not know, I work for one of the large corporations that you head. Before I continue with my retelling of this incident, I would like to thank you. The health plan is excellent, the 401k is superb, the vacation plan is more than generous, my workspace is elegant and functional, and my boss is a prince, or at least he used to be. He is now referred to as "The Artist Formally Known as Prince", which is a bit cumbersome, but splendiferous none the less.

Short story long, I'm a little concerned about the measures we are taking to combat corporate espionage. For example, I was speaking with one of my coworkers the other day, and he mentioned that he copies Kim Jong Il on all emails. Is this a problem? Also, our ecommerce website has been taken down six times in the last three months by hackers. Finally, I was at the store a few days ago, and I noticed a familiar product - our Model X4b, which we still have in beta, is being marketed by a Russian firm. It appears they bought the plans on the black market, and they are pitching it as "The Bigshot Beater". It just seems a little curious.

There are several simple things you could be doing to ensure corporate security. Email and internet filtering would be a good start. Of course, it wouldn't hurt to do some more thorough background checks on new employees. Also, industry standard firewalling practices would make our web presence much more secure. Finally, we may want to stop hiring people just because they threaten to burn down the building if we don't.

Incident #4: I was picking up my kids at school the other day, and I noticed your picture with the school board. My, you're busy! Anyway, I was a little surprised by what I found at the school. First, the amount of graffiti and vandalism at the school is appalling, and the gang references are quite disturbing. Second, I had to break up some pretty serious bullying. Apparently, a student wearing my old pants was preparing to strike another child with a brick! Third, I noticed some very shady looking characters lurking around the perimeters of the playground. Most of them were carrying large shopping bags full of candy. I'm not sure, but this may be a problem. Finally, I noticed that several faculty member's cars had been keyed.

Throughout my time at the school, I didn't see any adult supervision, security presence, or security devices. I asked the principal why security was so lax, and he gave me a very surprising answer. He stated that the security budget had been reallocated to the district's three new educational programs: "Self Esteem is Rad!", "Trees Are Better Than People", and "Condoms For 3^rd Grade". The principal assured me that these programs were of the utmost importance. When I attempted to discuss the need for security, he called me a racist. I guess I'm just a little confused. Maybe if I had a PhD like you, I would understand.

It seems to me that some very basic measures could be taken to begin to increase the school safety. Posting faculty at high incident areas, hiring a few security guards, instituting harder punishment for students who are starting trouble - all good steps. You may even want to consider a good video surveillance and access control solution. At the very least you need to make sure your outside locks are all working, and you have good lighting. Oh, and you may want to start blocking off "blind" areas, such as underneath stairwells and hidden alcoves.

Mr. Bigshot, I think all these examples can be summed up in this: If you haven't addressed safety and security, nothing else really matters. The pretty streetlights are wasted tax dollars because downtown is a war zone. You're convenience store is going under because you have no control over internal and external shrink. You're corporation wastes time dealing with corporate espionage and not innovating new products. Your schools are so dangerous that kids are more concerned about getting out alive than the Precambrian Era. You've spent millions on parks that no one can use. You have a very pleasant convenience store that is horribly overpriced. You run a great business with great products, but your lack of security is stifling your employees and handing ideas to your competitors. You're school is a worthless social experiment gone wrong. It seems like you're so close, yet oh so very far. You've only done 50% of the work, now you need to do the 50% that will make you successful.

Get your priorities straight, Mr. Bigshot. Stop making symbolic gestures and start doing your job.