An Open Letter to Wayne Huizenga and the Miami Dolphins

I understand you are a very charitable person, but you have gone too far by hiring a mentally challenged person as the Dolphins' General Manager. Randy Mueller is clearly suffering from being born with a 47^th chromosome and his ill-advised decision making is bringing unnecessary suffering upon Dolphins' fans. Do you want that Mr. Huizenga? Thousands of your most loyal fans and customers coming down with severe bouts of depression, all because of your decision to help a man in need. Randy probably thought he was applying for a position with the New England Patriots because the front office decisions over the past few seasons do not show a person who is looking out for the best interests of the team-or a person with a properly functioning brain. Yes, that is it. Mueller is a closet Patriot fan, mentally handicapped, and hired out of pity.

Mr. Huizenga, you are too nice-a trait that does not fair well in professional sports. Look at Bill Belichick, he is pure evil, but he is a champion. Hell, I wouldn't put it past him to have planted Randy Mueller in your organization as a means to ensure AFC east dominance.

"Send the retard," Belichick said, "he will cripple the Dolphins for years to come."

You must fight fire with fire, Mr. Huizenga. How could you allow Randy to send Chris Chambers to San Diego? Were you out of town or has Randy locked you in a closet due to direct orders from Lord Belichick?

This must stop. I've been a Dolphins' for 13 years, which is funny considering that number was once worn by the most revered Dolphin of all-time, Dan Marino. Maybe it is time to bring Marino back. I mean, Testaverde is 43 and can still sling it like the rest of them. What's a 3 year age difference? Have you seen those Nutrisystem commercials? Dan looks fit to play and I think it is time to consider bringing him back, but get an o-line first-something that dolt Mueller can't seem to figure out. In the event that you've managed to miss some of the moronic moves Mueller has made, let me give you a brief recap.

Most recently, idiot Mueller has managed to send Sammy Morris and Wes Welker up north to his favorite team. Sammy Morris was the perfect back to couple with Brown, but now we have the unfunny joke, Jesse Chatman, in the backup role. It wouldn't be fair to lump Lorenzo Booker into that category since we have yet to see him play. Wes Welker is a small guy, but with a huge heart and completely devoid of fear. He is a perfect slot receiver, but now he is only helping Tom Brady on his way to breaking every single season record ever recorded. Let's avoid getting into the horrid 2007 Draft because it only brings back bad memories and could potentially cause an ulcer to development.

Sending Sage Rosenfels to the Texans instead of Cleo Lemon was yet another terrible move on Mueller's part. Rosenfels has shown great potential every time he has stepped onto the field. All he needed was a chance to gain some game experience as a means to develop into a quality quarterback, but no, Mueller doesn't want Miami to have a good quarterback. Instead he wants a QB who is either injury prone or inept. He has certainly succeeded in doing that. The line, on both sides of the ball, has been Miami's Achilles heel for awhile now, and instead of making some moves to get proven players, Mueller has left it up to the coaching staff to move around the players we already have.

I'm going to stop now because my mind is flooding with anger and my stomach is starting to get upset. If I was a sue-happy American I would sue Randy Mueller and the Dolphins' for health related damages, but I'll refrain from doing that. Instead, I hope you realize what a horrible mistake it was to hire Randy Mueller. It would be best for the Dolphins and their fans if Mueller was fired. Send him on his way, back to the depths of hell a.k.a. New England. If you don't respond within the month, I will be forced to assume you are locked in a closet somewhere in Dolphin Stadium and will send help immediately. Good luck, sir, and may Mueller receive a pink slip before the 2008 pre-season. Sincerely, Joe Dimeck