An Opportunity is Knocking with 20 Questions on ABC's Opportunity Knocks

The door bell rings. Seeing as I'm the host of the new game show "Opportunity Knocks", I'm the one ringing the door bell. A 15 year old girl answers the door in dance shorts and a tank top, the usual attire, and questions why I, her own brother, am standing outside with a film crew and a large bus behind me. I give her a big cheesy smile and say "Opportunity is knocking! Well, it rang this time. Never the less, it's time to make our family rich!"

My sister skips into my parent's bedroom and urges them to frolic with her into the living room (because my family likes to frolic). I let them know that they're the newest contestants on the newest #1 game show around. Upon hearing the glorious news they sat down, eagerly anticipating the first question. Little did they know, I had about 20 different kinds of smoke hidden up my sleeve. What kind of smoke, you ask? Well, here's the list of questions I have prepared. I'll let you in, but only you.

1. Who was my first girlfriend? I had a promiscuous childhood up until around the fourth grade. So, in all likelihood, this could be a tough one to answer. However, the family still keeps in touch with this girl, so it's certainly a fair question. Ah, the glory days of being three years old.

2. How many times has my little sister slapped me in our lifetimes? This is an interesting question, and I may be the only one that even remembers the two instances. It's a vicious slap, too. I'm lucky to have only made her THAT angry twice in 15 years, let me tell you.

3. What is the total number of C's showed up on a report card of mine throughout grade school? I was traditionally a straight-A student, so my parents eventually became a little apathetic to each 6-weeks as far as my grades were concerned. For the record, it was 2. Once in Spanish. Once in Algebra 2.

4. What is my worst fear? Cliche, yes. But it should be universally known that my number one fear starts with a g and ends with an erms. I'm the ultimate clean freak, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It'd be interesting, though, to see if my family would attempt to over think this.

5. What does my sister want for Christmas this year? This seems to remain unchanged each year, no matter what she got for Christmas the previous year. Here is the list that she usually swears by: 1) A dog. 2) An mp3 player. 3) A brand new phone, preferably the most expensive thing. Get this one right, and maybe we could actually afford a phone like that, sis.

6. What is my sister's favorite perfume? Yes, surprisingly, I know this one. My parents have gone through so many purchases buying that girl perfume that I have to doubt they'd know the one she likes the most.

7. (To my sister) What did you and I record on our parents' answering machine when you were 3 years old? My sister and I sang "Jesus loves me, this I know", and for all we knew at the time we were going to be famous. But, really, the recording only played every single time someone were to dial our number while we were away.

8. What brand is my favorite pair of pants? The joke is on them. You see, I only wear one brand of pants. I'm sure many people are interested in what brand of pants I wear, seeing how famous I am. Too bad, though. I'm not here to commercialize. However, I'm all for fan mail and stalkers.

9. What did I make on my first test in college? I was pretty upset about this, and I don't think I'll ever forget it. All I know is that the class... No, heck, the entire system is unfair. Or, at least that was my initial reaction. I've calmed down quite a bit now. But, if my family listened, they would definitely know the exact score of that dumb compilation of ink on a piece of paper.

10. What stuffed animal did I sleep with since I was a baby, up until I was around 6 years old. Yes, I slept with my bear that I got from the hospital I was born at. This would be interesting because I was known to have both this and my Barney doll in the same area on several occasions. This one, though, I couldn't seem to live without.

11. What is my father's official job title? You see, he changes divisions weekly, it seems. So, his current job title is always a toss-up. He talks about it plenty, though. So, lets see if Mom and sis know the latest development.

12. Who is my sister's best friend? Sometimes, I don't think I could even pinpoint this one. Although, I know the current BFF is a gal named Danielle. I wonder if the folks tune out the drama after a good 18 years of it.

13. If dad could be any animal, what would it be? My dad has always liked Cardinals. I don't know why. I mean, they're red and shiny (sometimes). But, why not something that may actually have a chance of beating another birdie up? Like an eagle, or a large turkey? No, that's mean. Cardinals are cute, I guess.

14. (To my sister) How old is our mother's mother? Maybe it's just me, but how many teens know their grandmother's, or grandfather's, age? Not too many, I'd bet.

15. How many piercings does my sister have? Now now, don't get any ideas. They're all on her ears. But I know for a fact that she got one without mom or dad ever knowing about it. They may have silently noticed the piercing, but she never even wore a stud in it since she got it. She's the most rebellious daddy's girl there is, only without the whole party scene thing.

16. What is my favorite TV show? With the recent craze over "The Office", that's probably the first show that would come to most anybody's mind if they know me well. Too bad it's a certain TV show with a certain Jack Bauer leading the way. He's a bad man. A really bad man.

17. How many baseball cards do I own (to the nearest thousand)? Not a tough one at all. I stopped collecting baseball cards when I was 14, and I still ended up with a little over 14,000. Naturally, I was very, very proud of this number, and made sure everyone I was even fairly acquainted with knew about it.

18. How many tubes of chap stick does my sister own? I don't even know the answer to this one, but she does. She has an entire chest drawer filled to the top with chap stick. She'd pick up one a week or so for a while for a couple years in a row, and I never understood why she did it. Quirky kid.

19. How many Texas Rangers games have I been to (to the nearest 10)? I've been to many. And I mean many. As I'm sure most of you all know, that means lots and lots of pain and heart ache. They never fail to be terrible at baseball once the All-Star break comes around. Answer = 100. A nice, fat, round number.

20. What does mom say her favorite passion in life is? Here's the thumper question, specifically designed to be impossible, yet answerable. Why impossible, you ask? Mothers are complicated women, believe it or not. No one really knows how they think until they are one, so I hear. That's the million dollar question, if there ever was one.

There you have it, the full 20 question list at your finger tips. Now, you may want to seize the opportunity and watch "Opportunity Knocks". If you see any of these questions show up on the show, you know where they got their inspiration, right?