An Order of Letter-Writing with a Side of Mind-Reading

As a writer who participates in a number of markets and venues, I am often called upon to write letters for others. Numerous reasons suggest why people hire writers to write their letters. Specific motivation is rarely information to which I have access and probably appropriately so. But I have learned so much about human nature in the course of writing many hundreds of letters.

One of the realizations I have reached is that my job as a letter-writer also requires me to be a mind-reader. Unfortunately, in addition to my skills with usage, grammar and punctuation, I haven't been endowed with mental telepathy or omniscience. Here's the example:

On more than one occasion, I have been provided the request to write a letter that reads essentially as follows: Please provide a character reference for my brother-in-law's sister's cousin who is facing charges for first degree murder. My initial response is that he or she is probably a murderer and so my mind begins to wander. Do we seek leniency because the murder consistently walks his dog? Or is it because he sent his mother Mother's Day cards when he was younger? Of course, when I have the opportunity to request additional information, I do so. But very often I get no response and I wonder if I fell short on my duties by not assuming that this cousin was someone who was about to be honored by his community.

Another amusing commentary on humanity has to do with inadvertent mistakes that I made in the completion and transmission of the letter. This was recently the case. I had created one of my better letters to someone who was assembling a marketing introductory piece and I had accidentally used the word "body" rather than "bodily." The client was adamant that I make the change before she would accept the letter. It's a fascinating statement about the client/provider relationship and at least three possible interpretations exist.

On the plus side, this may communicate, "I have respect for your creative and professional talent and don't want to do anything that may deface or defile your art. As a result, I prefer that you fix it." The darker side suggests, "I paid good money to be provided a perfect work and anything less than perfect is unacceptable on any level." And somewhere in between the two: "I really don't know too much about one word or another and I would just as soon have you make the mistake if there is one to be made." Of course I made the change and returned the letter, shaking my head with curiosity.

Another of my observations concerns the frequency with which I am provided all of the information that could possibly be available about the client other than that which is germane to the need. Recently I received a request for reconsideration of an application to a university that was previously denied. The client told me the name of the university and the fact that she was a twirler and all-around good person - can you please help me get into this school? It's hard to imagine that SAT scores took priority over world-class twirling (I'm sure that this was the case). But I didn't hear anything about grade point average, service to the community or career aspirations that coincided with the academic reputation of the university.

What I do is rewarding and it is quite common that I develop long-term friendships and more complex work assignments with those for whom I write letters. But much of it is so very amusing. I'm paying you X dollars for a letter accompanying a resume to become a pharmacist at a high profile university medical center. It's up to you to figure out why I'm the best candidate.

This may be good preparation for a career as a psychic or palm reader. Or maybe it's bigger than that and I can do letter-writing with levitation and mysticism as additional sources of income. At very least we'll know that my levitation will be literate.