An Upclose Look at Perfectionism

Many people in our society today call themselves perfectionists and they do so with a strong sense of pride. I am a perfectionist and I always thought that was a good thing. I would brag about my accomplishments, how well I could multi-task and I felt as though I were Superwoman.

The attitude regarding perfectionism is widespread and it is often reinforced by people's language patterns, the media and even in some religious beliefs. Our attitude surrounding perfectionism is that being this way brings rewards, financial and otherwise. But are these rewards really possible or are we just asking for disaster by striving to be perfect?

There is a difference between perfectionism and the normal health pursuit of excellence by people who take pleasure in striving to meet high standards. What would life be like for ourselves and the world if we were not concerned about quality in everything we do?

There are those people though, like myself, who set the standards for everything they do so high that they are beyond reach. Perfectionists push themselves to reach impossible goals and they measure their self-worth completely on how much they do and what they accomplish.

I was a workaholic for many years despite health issues. When my body finally gave out, I didn't know who I was or what my purpose in life was. I had completely wrapped my identity up in my work and productivity that when it all came to a screeching halt, I felt worthless. I was lost, felt alone, and for the first time in my life, I had to stop, examine myself and my life, and learn who I really was without work. There is growing evidence that the price people pay for having perfectionistic attitudes includes poor health, decreased productivity, little self-control, low self-esteem and they have problems in their relationships.

Perfectionistic attitudes can also be found in people who suffer from depressive illnesses and other mood disorders. Many mental health professionals believe the thinking patterns of perfectionists can lead to the perfectionist experiencing more punishment than reward. The most common mental distortion that is found among perfectionists has been labeled "all or nothing thinking". Most perfectionists tend to view things as either black or white. When a perfectionist makes a mistake, they view themselves as a total failure. They fear mistakes and overreact when they make them.

Perfectionists also make a lot of "should" statements such as, "I should have done that differently so I wouldn't have made a mistake" or "I should do better". By making these statements it leads the perfectionist to frustration and guilt. The perfectionist becomes stuck on his or her mistake. The worst fear for a perfectionist is disapproval from others. As Dr. Phil says, "What you fear you create", and it is so with perfectionists. Because a perfectionist fears rejection they anticipate it and will act defensively to criticism from others. This behavior tends to push others away. In the perfectionist's mind, this pushing away reinforces his or her belief that a person must be perfect in order to be accepted by others.