Ancient Aliens: The Series

Contrary to what most readers will assume, I'm one of those who will listen to just about anyone's opinions and / or pet conspiracy theories provided that such opinions and/or theories are at least minimally plausible. Since, on average, I am presented with such plausible theories about once every ten years I have concluded that anyone claiming to have "proof" of such things as the "UFO Conspiracy," "JFK Conspiracy," the" "Bilderburgs and 'the Jews ' Conspiracy," or the ever-popular "George Bush (either 'HW' and / or 'W') Did It" (whatever "it" was) will invariably have some combination of 1) too much time on their hands and 2) not enough brain between their ears.

I offer the above opinions as background because, earlier today and purely by accident, I happened to stumble across the History Channel and its most recent offering of pseudoscience, conspiracy theories, and other such exercises in silliness, which underlie the arguments presented in Ancient Aliens: The Series . For those readers who have been fortunate enough to miss these hour-long collections of tripe, I will provide this brief summary.

According to its pages posted on the History Channels web site, Ancient Aliens "e xamines 75 million years of the most credible alien evidence here on Earth, from the age of the dinosaurs, to ancient Egypt, to the skies over the western desert in the present day United States." In pursuit of this goal it fails miserably.

This series of "documentaries" purports to offer "evidence" that, in the remote past, extraterrestrials visited our backwater neighborhood of the galaxy and essentially created ancient civilizations such as the Sumerians, the Indus Valley Harappans, Polynesians, the Egyptians, and (of course) the Mayas. There mere fact that there is no credible evidence in support of such wild speculations does not seem to have been a major stumbling block to the authors of Ancient Aliens , who liberally salt the voice-over and on-camera dialog with such weasel words as "Is it possible ...?" "Did the ...?," "Could it be ...," and the always effective "Does the Bible describe ...?" This last "weasel phrase" is followed by a statement so absurd that it would be laughed out of a kindergarten-level Sunday School class.

About halfway through the "Angels and Aliens" episode, the Ancient Aliens writers imply the reason that the Incas established their civilization at the tops of the Andes Mountains could have been because that was where Noah ran the Ark aground after the Great Deluge! This cannot be the case, of course, because every Fundamentalist Christian and Moslem "knows" that the Ark is on top of a mountain halfway around the world from South America and that proof of its existence is being suppressed by the CIA, the Vatican, the Russian Mafia, and the Illuminati. Besides, both the Bible and the Qur'an clearly state that Moses led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and into the Land of Goshen, not out of El Salvador and into Guatemala.

The fact that no reputable scientists espouse such ridiculous ideas seems to be immaterial to the producers of Ancient Aliens since, as its "authorities," this series liberally quotes such charlatans, hucksters, and purveyors of snake oil as the late Immanuel Velikovsky (Worlds in Collision , Earth in Upheaval , and Ages in Chaos ), the recently deceased Zechariah Sitchin (The Twelfth Planet , The Wars of Gods and Men, and Stairway to Heaven ), and, of course,the still-breathing Erich von D ä niken (Chariots of the Gods , Gold of the Gods , Miracles of the Gods , Gods from Outer Space and Gods ad nauseum ). And, should you limit you interest in history to more recent events according to its web site, Ancient Aliens will soon broadcast an episode ("Aliens and the Third Reich") suggesting that these same Ancient Aliens may have been in collusion with the Nazis, who may have been developing flying saucers at the close of World War II! Maybe this episode will also explain how an advanced civilization, one supposedly capable of interstellar travel, couldn't come up with a "superweapon" to bail out one of the most incompetent "military genius" of all time.

Maybe I should try harder to avoid such insults to my intelligence and just stick to the Bleached Blonde Bimbos of Fox News Channel from now on. At least the BBBs are more fun to look at than watching a few middle-aged dorks wandering around Chilean Andes looking for ET.

Has anyone seen my tinfoil hat? Could it be that the space aliens took it?

See Also

Ancient Aliens: The Series (2009 - Ongoing). Kevin Burns, Executive Producer, for Prometheus Entertainment . Distributed by A & E Television Networks . Broadcast dates and times vary.

Gould, Stephen Jay. "Velikovsky in Collision. " in Ever Since Darwin:Reflections in Natural History, New York: Norton, 1977, 153-159).