And You Are?

You know those annoying, time-wasting business meetings where someone wants you to "think outside the box" and it always starts the same boxy way - with everyone introducing themselves?

Yeah, I hate those, too.

They can be interesting though. A few years ago I realized that most people introduce themselves by saying, "my name is so-and-so". I mean, that's nice enough but does it really say anything? I mean, the goal of an introduction is just that - to introduce someone to the who and what of yourself. I mean, if I just need your name I can ask, "And your name is?"

But when someone asks, "and you are?" or they implore you to "tell us something about yourself" just saying your name seems, to me, to dodge the question being asked.

Me?

I am Tressie. To the core of my being that is who I am.

What is a Tressie?

Well, not to tell all my business but my kind of Tressie trends towards practical romanticism and really violent sporting events - think groceries instead of roses and boxing instead of golf. I curse like a sailor because, well, sometimes it is just appropriate. And fun. Lots of fun. I do not hurt things or people for sport. I do not allow myself to be used for someone else's entertainment to my detriment. I am no one's forever girlfriend. I believe in a universal consciousness and a prophet named Jesus. I do not lie but I do not always tell the truth if it can do more harm than good. I can dance but I can't sing a lick. I do not believe in coincidences but I do believe in surprises. I made a conscious decision, years ago, to be the kind of person I would like to meet knowing that it is infinitely harder but ultimately more rewarding than being a stone cold bitch - which, sadly, I am remarkably good at being.

I am, in a word, Tressie.

Who are you?

What do you stand for? What will you never stand for?

Oh, sure, I know it's ridiculous to think people are asking for your personal constitution when they ask your name. But knowing that constitution insures you'll never answer to any name other than your own. The answers to these questions guide not only who you are but who you'll allow others to be in relationship to you.

Relationships. Now, see, this is where who you are becomes crucial. Does not every relationship begin with an introduction? How many times have you entered into a social contract with another person - a lover, a friend, a business partner, an employer - only to find yourself miserable or used, or both?

Now, ask yourself if you introduced yourself properly.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

It hurts to find you're culpable at least part of the time, don't it?

I find that the more clear you are about who you are, the less likely people intent on molding you to fit their purposes bother with you. Opportunists are nothing if not wise investors. Why choose a victim who will resist their efforts when there are so many people willing to be used?

If you're the kind of person who picked up this book then I think it safe to assume you are the kind of person no longer interested in being defined by anyone but yourself.

The best way to prevent redefinition is to clearly define who you are. Then you can introduce yourself properly at the beginning of every relationship. Watch how far and fast users, abusers, the chronically damaged, lechers and leeches run from a clearly defined you!

Then think of all the free time that leaves. Hell, just the time you'll save not entertaining bullshit from ill-intended asshats should be worth the time spent writing yourself a damn constitution!

See, Tressie curses. Like a sailor.

But see how you weren't surprised?

Exactly.

Find more Practical Aphorisms From a Foul-Mouthed Spiritualist and offer up your own rules for living!