And Heeeeere's...TUBA!

He'd been going on for almost five minutes. Tuba sat there staring at him.

He watched Will pace back and forth with his arms moving in wild, jerking motions, like he was wearing a coat of peanut butter and fennel seed, fighting off a flock of birds.

Finally Will said, "So, that's it, that's the story, Tuba. I need your help."

Tuba said nothing, and began to laugh. Will was hurt. Then he started to laugh too. Before long the two brothers were in hysterics, convulsed with laughter.

Will felt tears welling in his eyes then remembered Mary and her situation, his situation. Abruptly, the happy tears dried up. The laughter dried up. And now it was Will's turn to stare vacantly.

Tuba stopped laughing.

As if he'd understood all along, Tuba said soberly, "So you want me to convince her to go to a nunnery or a convent?"

"Tuba. You're the master of getting out of jams. You always were," Will said with a hand on Tuba's shoulder. "Get me out of this one. Don't do it for me either, though I am your brother. Do it because you know you can."

"How long you been working on that speech?"

"Since this morning. I figured I would appeal to your pride. You've got a lot of that, you know."

"Is this still part of the speech?"

"My good brother...you'll never know."

They both chuckled and thought over the situation.

Will's girlfriend Mary was pregnant. She was in love with Will, according to both she and Will. And now Tuba was supposed to find a way to gently extricate Will from the relationship before fatherhood ensued.

"This seems like something you ought to be able to do on your own, you know."

"I know. It does seem that way. But it just isn't that way," Will said.

Lately Will had been envisioning the child being delivered as a baby deer, a tiny white-spotted deer coming out of Mary's human womb. He couldn't help it. Two fuzzy, baby nubs on the skull where the horns would grow. New nightmares came to him everyday.

The baby would turn its watery, Bambi eyes at him and bleat, "Daaaaddy," and the world would break apart.

Increasingly, at the back of all these crazy thoughts was the end of the world. Will simply could not imagine existence after Mary gave birth.

"You'll think of something, Tuba."

"One thing though..." Tuba said.

"What?"

"No matter what happens I won't marry her. I can't. I've got plans too you know."

"What?"

"I won't marry her instead of you."

Looking sharply at his brother, Will searched Tuba's face, and saw only the boyishly round, pale face of either ignorance or innocence, the thin colorless hair that imperfectly covered the pink scalp. He looked like a new-born zapped with sudden age, like a baby old man who had never taken on the characteristics of a race, sitting pale and refusing to marry Mary, out of an uncomprehending stubbornness and pride.

"Of course not," Will said. "That's no solution. That would be a whole new problem. You're growing up, little brother. You're growing up, but you're not there yet."