Angel and Edward Cullen Discuss Love, Fame, and Sucky Vampire Stuff

Angel: So you're the one all the girls go wild for.

Edward Cullen: My heart belongs to Bella.

Angel: Give me a break, man. You've got girls ripping your clothes off, begging you to bite them, everywhere you go.

Edward Cullen: I think you have me confused with the actor-what's his face, Cedric Diggory.

Angel: The Harry Potter character? Nah, you mean Robert Parkinson.

Edward Cullen: Robert Pattinson. Right.

Angel: Enjoy it while it lasts.

Edward Cullen: What do you mean?

Angel: You're immortal, but the girls won't love you forever. They'll have a new vampire boy-toy in five years. Just you wait and see.

Edward Cullen: I'm nobody's "boy-toy"! I know some crazy stuff went down between you and Buffy, but some of us are in healthy romantic relationships.

Angel: You turned your wife into a vampire!

Edward Cullen: I had to, to save her life. Plus, she wanted to be a vampire. I never would have done it if...

Angel: Calm down. You're too sensitive.

Edward Cullen: A little sensitivity wouldn't kill you.

Angel: Remember when I came back from Hell to be with Buffy? I am plenty sensitive.

Edward Cullen: It's a shame you had to go to Hell. Is that where I'll go someday?

Angel: I don't know. Do you have a soul, or don't you? Stephenie Meyer wasn't real clear on the details.

Edward Cullen: She likes to focus on my cold, hard skin and my angelic face...and Bella. Dear, lovely, whiny Bella.

Angel: That's your wife you're talking about.

Edward Cullen: I'm thinking, maybe I shouldn't have turned her into a vampire. Eternity is a long time.

Angel: What's done is done. You could always leave her, I guess, and try to convince the Volturi to kill you.

Edward Cullen: No. I already pulled that stunt once...and I hate Italy. I've always wanted to go into space. Get away from it all. Be the first vampire to walk on Mars.

Angel: Don't let Bella and that freaky telepathic kid of yours stop you! Do it, man!

Edward Cullen: Vampires would make ideal astronauts. We don't need to breathe, for one thing.

Angel: Do I need to hold your hand and escort you to NASA? Go, be an astronaut. Don't worry about Bella. She'll be fine. I'll take care of her.

Edward Cullen: Don't go out of your way. Don't take care of her too much, if you know what I mean.

Angel: Trust me. She'll be fine.

Edward Cullen: I won't have to shave my head to be an astronaut, will I? My hair is my trademark...

Angel: What do girls see in you?

Edward Cullen: I saved Bella's life. Several times. And I play piano. And sing.

Angel: While the most memorable thing I ever did was kick tons and tons of demon ass. And don't forget the part where I had sex with Buffy, only to turn evil afterwards. And then, later, after I got my soul back, I got some demon blood in a cut on my hand and turned human for a day, and had some more sex with Buffy...until I decided I needed to go back to being a vampire so I wasn't too weak to fight evil. Joss Whedon is a cruel man.

Edward Cullen: Oh, c'mon. "Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog" is brilliant! Sometimes, when Bella and I are fooling around, we like to sing "On the Rise."

Angel: That's nice. Sometimes when I'm brooding, thinking about how I can't ever have the woman I love, doing tai-chi and whatnot, I hum the theme song to my own television show.

Edward Cullen: Ah, Angel. You're one of a kind. I'd love to stay and chat, but the sun will be rising soon.

Angel: How is it that I burst into flames in the sunlight, while you turn all pretty and sparkly?

Edward Cullen: Beats me. Let's just be thankful we never turn into bats. You're serious about taking care of Bella for me? And answering my fan mail and stuff?

Angel: Consider it done. Make us proud on Mars, Edward.

Edward Cullen: Tell Bella it was fun while it lasted.

Angel: Is that wolf-guy dating your daughter yet?

Edward Cullen: Don't even go there. It's...complicated. See ya 'round. Like, maybe in a hundred years or so.

Angel: Take care.

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Sexy Vampire Discussion Questions: (Feel free to debate this stuff in the comments section below)

Who is the hottest vampire ever? (I vote for Angel/David Boreanaz. Edward/Robert Pattinson's other-worldly good looks just don't do it for me. Sorry. I also didn't like how Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise looked as vampires. Blech.)

Who would win in an Angel vs. Edward Cullen battle? (I vote for Angel.)

SOURCES:
My fascination with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and the Twilight series.
I've made fun of the Twilight series in a previous article: "Preposterous Moments in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series."
I was also inspired by Bat Canary's awesome poem, "Sexy Vampire," and these articles:
http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1608825/story.jhtml
http://www.sugarslam.com/top-10-hottest-vampires/
http://www.afterelton.com/blog/lylemasaki/sexiest-undead-men-ten-sexy-pop-culture-vampires