Anger Management: How to Manage Anger Issues

Anger, in itself, is not a "bad" emotion. It is a reaction most of us feel when confronted with a major frustration, disappointment or loss. However, like any emotion, when we lose our ability to control or manage our anger, we often encounter problems. An inability to control one's temper can cause problems at home, in the workplace and at social events.

While it may sound easy to "control your temper" or "manage your anger" often times it is not. This is because anger often triggers our survival instincts - so not only does our brain tell us we are feeling angry it also tells us we need to get into "fight" mode and duke it our for survival. Realistically, we may not truly have to fight for survival when we are angry, but we do experience an adrenaline rush which can trigger the response.

The good news is, people can and do learn to control their tempers, manage their anger and deal with the adrenaline rush in positive pro-social ways. However, it is a skill and like any skill it must be practiced for maximum effect.

Below are some tips to help you get started learning to manager your anger:

1. Count to 10. This probably one of the oldest (and some would say corniest) ideas, but if you try it can really work. If you make it to 10 and you are still feeling angry - keeping going. Even if you have to count to 100, it may be better than blowing your stack and letting your anger control you!
2. If counting alone isn't working - add to it! You may want to try taking deep breaths in between or pacing until you are more in control of your emotions.
3. If possible, do not raise your voice. Hearing your voice increasing in volume is a cue to your brain your body is in danger. This in turn tells the brain to pump out more adrenaline which increases the "fight" response. Waiting to speak until you can do so in a calm manner will help your body calm down as well.
4. Think about a place where you are relaxed. Visualize a calm location and travel there in your mind.
5. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in the future?" Sure, little things irritate and anger us, but try to keep things in perspective. For example, will it matter five years from now someone took your parking place? Chances are it will not.
6. Think about the consequences of your actions. Is it worth screaming at the person who cut in line ahead of you at the grocery store? Is it worth looking like a fool for screaming at them to get your anger out? Probably not.
7. Put yourself in the other person's place. C'mon we all make mistakes, we all get angry. Who hasn't accidentally bumped someone in a crowded elevator?
8. If you have feelings you have to let out - try writing them down. Maybe you want to carry a small pad of paper and a pen with you so you can do it "on the spot". It may sound like a crazy idea, but writing often helps people "get out" emotions, like anger, while remaining in control.

Remember; as you read and try these tips - if one does not work - try another! Also, you may have to try things more than once before you find a way to adapt them to work best for you. Anger management is a skill you can learn - you just have to practice! Remember you want to control your anger - not have your anger control you!