Anger Management Tale: Angry Blake

Here is a story scenario you can use to help teach about Anger Triggers, Anger Cues, our Fight or Flight Instinct, and Self-Mentoring techniques. The story is called "Angry Blake." Blake was filled with fury. You could have cut the tension between his parents with a knife. They yelled at each other half the night, as Blake lay trembling and angry in his room. At school, he felt the need to vent that anger on some of the other students.

Section 4: Read Anger Management story: Angry Blake

A. Teacher reads story to the class called "Angry Blake."

B. Story Description: Blake was filled with fury. You could have cut the tension between his parents with a knife. They yelled at each other half the night, as Blake lay trembling and angry in his room. At school, he felt the need to vent that anger on some of the other students.

Chapter 1: Blake Is Angry

Blake was feeling really angry!

What is Anger?

Anger is nothing more than a strong desire ...

* to not be disrespected anymore.
* to not be left out.
* to not be unloved.
* to not feel insecure.
* to not feel unsafe.
* to not be kept from doing what you want to do.
* to not be kept from having as much fun as you want.
* to not feel like a victim anymore.
* to not feel powerless and vulnerable.

In other words, the angry person is missing out on having one or more of his or her Basic Needs being met.

What are our Basic Needs?

William Glasser describes them as our needs for Survival, Belonging, Power or Respect, Freedom, and Fun. Abraham Maslow, in what is called the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, describes them as our Life Needs for air, water, food, shelter, etc.; our need for Safety & Security; our need for Belongingness & Affection; our need for Respect & Self-Respect; and our need to try to achieve Self-Actualization.
Blake has choices. Lots of choices! What will Blake choose to do?

Blake's Anger Triggers and Anger Cues

Think about your Anger Triggers. With Blake, his Anger Triggers were a build-up of lots of things: a bad dream, his parents getting a divorce, burnt toast that morning, memories of kids putting him down in the past, ... . Lots of things combining together to make him wake up in a bad mood.

How does Blake know that he is angry? He knows he is angry because he is experiencing some Anger Cues. Anger Cues can be things like: you have a headache or your head pounds; you have a stomach ache or your stomach tightens; your neck muscles tense; you flex your jaw muscles or your jaw tightens or your teeth clench; your face feels tight or flushed; your chest feels tight; your heart palpitates; you breathe in gulps or you can't breathe or you experience deep or fast breathing; your voice gets high or rough or it comes out in a whisper; your hands sweat or clench or shake; your upper back hurts or your lower back aches; your legs feel tight; you feel cold or chilled; your eyes tear or roll or get hard or look crazed or glazed; your body takes a fighting stance or feels frozen or stiff; your hair stands up; or your arms feel heavy.

What do you think are Blake's Anger Cues?

Blake is feeling POWERLESS right now. He needs, he wants to feel POWERFUL.

He walks down the hall looking for an easy target. He finds Cody.

Chapter 2: Blake & Cody

Cody is walking down the hall on his way to class. He's fully focused on a juicy bit of gossip he wants to tell his best friend. Walking quickly, he comes a little too close to Blake.

Blake quickly sidesteps and tries to make it look like Cody intentionally was blocking him.

Blake pushes Cody hard. At the same time, Blake yells, "Hey, Jerk! Get out of my way!"

Then Blake goes barreling on. He feels a quick POWER SURGE of satisfaction. Unfortunately, it only lasted about five minutes. Then he was right back to feeling angry and like a victim again. You might say that Blake and Cody were involved in a Victim-Victimizer Cycle.

As for Cody, he had all kinds of voices going through his head.

His FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "Warning! Warning! You just got pushed and called a name. It's time for action!"

Cody wonders, "What kind of action?"

His FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "You can try to FIGHT him in some way, or you can choose some form of the FLIGHT option."

Cody asked, "Okay! Which should I do, FIGHT OR FLIGHT?"

Everybody has an Inner Child who urges us to act in a less-than-mature fashion. That Inner Child is also that part of us who still sees the world as an amazing place and can still get a sense of wonder and joy out of the smallest thing. That Inner Child is the part of us who keeps us playful, no matter how old and gray we become. That Inner Little Kid who lives inside of Cody said, "Well! He pushed you and called you a name. You should do something."

Also, everybody has some kind of grown-up who seems to live inside of him or her. Perhaps it's the voice of your mother or father that you hear or whatever grown-up who is a primary agent in your life. Perhaps it is simply your Inner Wisdom voice, that little small conscience voice that we all have inside of us. In any case, Cody's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "If you push him back or call him a name back, that would be Reflex Action."

Cody wondered, "What's Reflex Action?"

His Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "Acting on your first reflex or impulse is Reflex Action. But if you give in to Reflex Action, you're letting Blake have control over you."

Cody's Inner Kid said, "But it's all his fault! He deserves it! Oh, no! Look! He's getting away! And you didn't do anything to defend us!"

Cody stands there, feeling helpless and POWERLESS. He couldn't decide how he wanted to react. But since Blake had already walked out of sight, it was too late anyway! Cody sighed heavily. Shoulders slumped in dejection, Cody walked sadly off to class.

Chapter 3: Blake & Diane

Blake was still feeling angry. He needed another adrenaline rush to try to make himself feel better. Diane was the next weaker and smaller target that he sighted.

Blake stomped over to Diane and said, "Hey, you Ugly Moron! You're such a Pimple Face! You're all covered with zits! Why don't you go put your head in a bag so we don't have to see how gross you are?!

Diane also has a bunch of voices going through her head.

Her FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "Warning! Warning! You just got called a bunch of horrible names. It's time for action!"

Diane wonders, "What kind of action?"

Her FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "You can try to FIGHT him in some way, or you can choose some form of the FLIGHT option."

Diane asked, "Which should I do, FIGHT OR FLIGHT?"

Diane's Inner Little Kid voice said, "Well! Those names he called you were totally unfair! You should do something."

Diane's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "If you call him names back, he probably will hit you. And if you cry, he'll just keep calling you names."

Diane's Inner Little Kid voice complained, "But it hurt our feelings! You can't hit him, because you're not strong enough. If you call him names, he might do something even worse to us! I feel like crying! Don't you?"

Blake watched in great satisfaction as Diane's eyes pooled up with tears. She quickly turned and ran into the girl's bathroom. He called after her, "You Ugly Crybaby!" Laughing a mean laugh, he walked on to class.

This time, his power surge of satisfaction lasted for about a half an hour. Unfortunately for him, before the class period was over, Blake felt his feelings of helplessness, anger, and discomfort growing.

Once again, Blake felt like he needed another adrenaline rush to try to make himself feel better. This time, Alicia was the next weaker and smaller target that he sighted as he was walking out of class.

Chapter 4: Blake & Alicia

It was lunchtime. Alicia stood at her locker, putting her textbooks and other school supplies away. As she reached for her lunch money, Blake came rushing up.

Suddenly, he stopped short and smiled in grim satisfaction. Remembering how successful his previous words had been with Diane, he snapped, "Hey, you Ugly Moron! You're such a Pimple Face! You're all covered with zits! Why don't you go put your head in a bag so we don't have to see how gross you are?!

In a matter of seconds, Alicia too has a bunch of voices going through her head.

Her FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "Warning! Warning! You just got called a bunch of horrible names. It's time for action!"

Alicia wondered, "What kind of action?"

Her FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "You can try to FIGHT him in some way, or you can choose some form of the FLIGHT option."

Alicia asked, "Which should I do, FIGHT OR FLIGHT?"

Alicia's Inner Little Kid voice said, "Well! He called you a bunch of horrible names. You should do something. He's mean!"

Alicia's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "Wait! Think for a moment. Are any of those names true about you?"

Alicia said, "No! They're not! Besides, I only have two zits - one on my chin and one on my forehead."

Alicia's Inner Little Kid voice said, "You see! He's not being fair!"

Alicia's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "Think for a moment! You know this is probably his way of just crying out for more love! Why don't you calmly and kindly ask him if he's having a bad day? You could even ask him if he would like to talk about whatever is making him so angry."

Alicia's Inner Little Kid voice said, "Don't be nice to him! He doesn't deserve it!"

Alicia's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "Both of you, listen! It's the smarter way to FIGHT back. Have you ever heard the expression, 'Kill him with kindness?' Well, don't kill him. But try a little kindness and see if it works."

Alicia took a deep, calming breath. Then she kindly and calmly asked, "Hey, Blake! It sounds like you must be having a bad day. Do you want to talk about it?"

Blake's mouth fell open in confused surprise. This was not the hurt or angry reaction he was expecting at all. Instead, Alicia almost sounded like his words didn't even touch her. What's more, she actually sounded like she cared what happened to him.

Slowly, he closed his mouth and thought for awhile. Then he opened his mouth and finally said, "Well, actually, it's been one of the worst days of my life. Everything has been going wrong!"

Alicia said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Blake said, "Well, uh, ..., maybe. Yeah, ..., I guess. Um, .., well, um, ..., my parents are getting a divorce. That really stinks!"

Alicia said, "Oh, I'm so sorry! That is hard! Are you going to have to choose who you want to live with?"

Blake said, "I'm not sure yet! They haven't told me how that's going to work."

Alicia responded, "Wow! That does sound confusing and hard. Maybe you could go talk to a guidance counselor about it."

Blake kind of frowned. Then he shrugged and said, "Maybe! Well, uh, ..., I better get on to lunch."

Alicia asked, "Do you mind if I walk with you, Blake? I'm heading in that direction. too."

Blake nodded. Neither of them talked much. But they did kind of smile a bit as they parted to go to different lunch lines. As Alicia headed off to the Hot Lunch Line, she called out to Blake, "I hope your day gets much better! Talk to you later!"

Blake kind of waved as he headed off to the Deli Line. He actually felt a bit lighter, all due to Alicia's kindness. Lunch tasted good, and he had a pretty good time sitting and talking with some of his friends.

Chapter 5: Blake & Tim

The next day, Blake was right back to feeling angry again. You could have cut the tension between his parents with a knife. They yelled at each other half the night, as Blake lay trembling and angry in his room. He thought, "Man, I hate this! I hate their yelling! I hate the way they make me feel! I can barely take the suspense of wondering who I'm going to have to end up living with. Man! I need some help! Maybe Alicia was right. Maybe I should talk to a guidance counselor. I'll think about it for a while first."

At school, Blake felt his frustration and anger build and build. Once again, he needed to take out his frustrations on someone. This time, it was directed at this rather easy-going black kid named Tim.

Tim was kind of sauntering through the hallway, taking his time getting to class. Blake came barreling up, stopped suddenly, and snapped, "Hey, Jerk Face!"

Tim was no exception to having his FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct kick in when a potentially fearful situation occurs. His FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct warned, "Warning! Warning! You just got called a name. It's time for action!

Tim wondered, "What kind of action?"

His FIGHT OR FLIGHT Instinct Voice said, "You can try to FIGHT him in some way, or you can choose some form of the FLIGHT option."

Tim asked, "Which should I do, FIGHT OR FLIGHT?"

Tim's Inner Little Kid voice said, "Well! He called you a name, and he looks kind of dangerous. You should do something!"

Tim's Inner Grown-Up or Inner Wisdom voice said, "Why don't you be clever and use some strategy? Change the subject. Then distract him with something he might like to do."

Tim nodded his head thoughtfully at this bit of Inner Wisdom, paused for a moment, and smiled slightly. Then he said, "You know, I love skateboarding!"

Blake said, "So? I love dirt biking! What's that got to do with me calling you a Jerk Face?"

Tim said, "Awww! I figured you were just having a bad day! When I have a bad day, I like to think about skateboarding. I love the speed! I love the cool maneuvers I can do! I love that feeling of power when I do flips and land back on the wheels! I love listening to heavy metal music while I try to be in the air for what feels like 10 seconds. I even like the feeling of wrecking now and again, believe it or not. What about you?"

Blake was a bit confused. He asked sarcastically, "What about me?"

Tim asked with interest, "What do you love about dirt biking?"

Blake said, "Well ... ." Blake was confused. He couldn't hold on to his angry feelings and think about what he loved about dirt biking at the same time. He quickly weighed his options and then shrugged. Slowly, Blake said, "Well, I kind of like wrecking too. It's kind of fun to show off my scars as each one tells a story about one of my adventures on the dirt bike."

Building momentum now, Blake said with greater and greater talking speed and enthusiasm, "Yeah! I love the feeling of getting away from everybody. It's so much fun and I feel so free! I like to see how far away I can ride. I really like the suspense of those rock climbs. It gets me all hyped up! I like to listen to heavy metal music too. That gets me even more pumped up! Then I love doing tricks in the air, the speed, popping my dirt bike into fifth, and doing a wheelie! It's great! Jumping is like flying! Boy! Just talking about it makes me want to get out there and get on my dirt bike now! I can hardly wait for school to end so I can do just that!"

"Wow, Blake!" Tim said. "You make me want to try out dirt biking sometime. That really sounds great!"

Blake said, "Yeah! You make skateboarding sound kind of fun too! Well, I gotta get going. I don't want to be late to class! See you around!"

Tim said, "Yeah, Blake! See you around!"

Chapter 6: Conclusion

Blake found thinking about dirt biking was really helpful! He did daydream about doing that a lot. Every chance he got, he went out and made those daydreams come true. Daydreaming about dirt biking and dirt biking in real life made Blake feel a lot better. However, problems at home kept growing.

One day, he decided to take Alicia's advice. He made an appointment with Mrs. Feelgood, the Guidance Counselor. It felt really good to talk to a caring adult who could actually teach him some other ways to get control of his angry feelings.

Day by day, life got better for Blake. His life wasn't perfect, but it was much better than it was before.

You may be wondering what happened with those four kids picked on by Blake.

What about Cody?

When Blake saw Cody, he did nothing. He had been so angry that day, he simply pushed the first kid who came along. He didn't even remember that Cody was the one he did that to.

What about Diane?

When Blake saw Diane, he called her a name again. He felt another brief power surge. He liked the feeling of being able to push Diane's buttons.

What about Alicia?

When Blake saw Alicia, he smiled tentatively. He felt like he had actually made a bit of a connection with her.

Alicia smiled warmly back and asked, "How is your day going today? Any better?"

Blake smiled in relief that she was still being nice and said, "Yeah! Much better! By the way, I took your advice."

Alicia asked, "Which advice was that?"

Blake said, "I made an appointment with Mrs. Feelgood. Meeting with her is helping a lot."

Alicia said, "That's good! I'm really happy to hear about that. Hey! Do you want to walk together to lunch again?"

Blake nodded and said, "Sure!"

Then the two of them started talking as they walked to the cafeteria.

What about Tim?

On his way to lunch another day, Blake saw Tim. Blake smiled in a friendly fashion and called out, "Hey, Skateboard Guy!"

Tim smiled back and called out, "Hey! Master Dirt Biker! What's up?"

Blake replied, "Nothing much at the moment. But after school, I'm off to ride my dirt bike. I've got a new maneuver I'm working on!"

"Tell me about it," Tim encouraged. Tim and Blake walked to lunch, talking a mile a minute about their two favorite things: skateboarding for Tim and dirt biking for Blake.

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