Anger Management for Your Toddler

I am a first time, stay-at-home mom of a 16 month old very active boy, who I sometimes think is bipolar. He has these unbelievable mood swings. He'll be happy as a clam one moment, and then in the next minute when he doesn't get what he wants, he has a complete meltdown. Does this sound familiar or am I all alone? When he has these "meltdowns", we have a nickname for him, we call him "EJ" (The first letter in both dad's and mom's first names). That is the name my husband wanted to name our son, but let's just say that did not happen. However, when he acts like he's possessed, that is what we call his alter ego. Anyway, enough said about my son for now, you'll hear more about him down below. I know that we all have our stories about the crazy things our children do. Children are a gift even when they act like they were given to us by an enemy.

In this article, I will attempt to give you some first hand tips on how to keep your child from completely "losing it". Not everything works all of the time, but everything is worth a try when you are desperate. Now, I am not an expert by any means. I only have one child though I do live with my sister-in-law and her family which includes two other young children. I have seen them all have their moments. Each child is different. Please take these tips and apply them with your parenting style. They say "it takes a village to raise a child" and whoever said that, I believe it.

Now, let's begin with my top 9 tips for keeping your toddler from throwing fits or at least shortening the length of them. These are not in any particular order; please pick and choose as you see fit:

1. Distraction. When your child appears to be on the brink of an outburst, distracting him or her is a great method to derail the oncoming drama. My sister-in-law tells my son, "where's the spider?" Immediately, he'll look and point up to the ceiling. I'm not sure if he actually saw a spider up there, but this seems to work 50% of the time. Another distraction is animals. If you don't own any animals, don't despair; use your neighbor's pets or even a book that has animals. Our neighbors have ducks, believe it or not, and my son loves to look over and see those ducks. If your child is not an animal lover, try music. My son loves an upbeat tempo, it makes him want to dance and it keeps him from throwing those unwanted tantrums. You get the point with the use of distractions in keeping your child happy.

2. Get out of the house. Being home all day everyday is boring; it's as simple as that. Your toddler will get bored. My son loves it when he hears me say, "let's put your shoes on." He get so excited, he'll go find his shoes and sit down for me to put them on because he knows that means he is leaving the house, even if it's to just go outside to see the animals. During the week, I try to take him out to the mall or to a friend's house or to do errands at least 2-3 times. He is much happier when he gets to go out with mommy or daddy. It is also less stressful for me to think of things to do with him in the house besides watch Baby Einstein.

3. Let your other family members or friends handle it. Before you begin to feel like you might commit child abuse, hand your toddler off to a friend or relative. I am fortunate, at times, that I live with family. My son especially loves his cousins, so when he is getting frustrated with me, I say "go find your cousins." If you don't have family members nearby, try calling a friend to come help you. You definitely need a break and maybe your child needs a break from you. A fresh new mind and spirit is generally a good thing. Don't be afraid of how your child might make you look if he does end up throwing a fit with your friend or family member. It's natural for babies to cry and such; just be grateful if you are able to get help from a friend or family member.

4. Maybe your toddler is hungry or thirsty. I have a story of a time when my son was having a major fit. He cried and threw his head back. I tried to hold him, distract him, etc, but nothing would appease him. This was right after he ate and I had offered him water in a different cup than his usual. Well, I finally gave him his "usual" sippy cup of water and he drank it and that made it all better. All he wanted was water from his cup. There were other occasions when he just needed a snack to calm his nerves. I guess you could say that the way to my son's heart is through his stomach at times. Go ahead and give food or water a try the next time yours is acting a little crazy.

5. Give your baby a massage. In many countries including New Zealand, Fiji and Venezuela, infant massage is very common. Now, it's true that you would usually start this ritual when your baby is much younger, but who's to say it won't help your toddler? My sister-in-law spoils my son once in a while and gives him a little rubdown. She puts him on his back and massages his arms and legs. He lies quietly and it really does calm him when he is at the beginning of a possible breakdown. If your child is having trouble sleeping through the night, this might also help in that area. You can read more about this method on many sites found on the Internet.

6. A warm bath, perhaps. We have a friend who said that whenever she wanted her son (when he was younger, he's 8 now) to sleep, she gave him a bath. It seems that a warm bath calms the nerves and is just plain soothing. Now, this one doesn't work on my son, but it may help with your child. Bath time with some fun bath time music might be just what the doctor ordered to keep the peace.

7. Keep a temper tantrum chart. Now, this may not sound like a lot of fun and it may not sound like you are preventing the eruptions from taking place, but you will be in the long run. Take notes of when your child has their fits and breakdowns. Take note of what the circumstances were and the time of the day. This way, you will know what the buttons are that trigger the unwanted fits. Knowing your child is one of the best ways of preventing the unwanted behavior from occurring. Of course, the world is not perfect and you cannot stop every single tantrum; however, you can help minimize them.

8. Is it naptime? This is probably the most obvious of all the reasons a toddler may be irritable and prone to throwing fits. Your baby is just plain tired and needs to sleep. More than likely, when your toddler gets enough sleep, he'll be a much happier camper and so will you. And if you have the luxury, do yourself a favor and get some rest while the baby is resting. After all, your child will feed off your vibe if you are tired and grumpy, he will more likely be too.

9. Regular Schedule. If your child is not on a regular schedule, get her on one and do your best not to alter it. Your child will more than likely do better when she knows what to expect from day to day. I try to schedule appointments, errands, outings, etc. around my son's naptime. This ties in to #8 because my son needs his nap or he will be grumpy and is less likely to sleep through the night from being over stimulated. Schedule. Schedule. Schedule.

There you have it. My top 9 tips for keeping your child from having meltdowns or at least, limiting them for the sake of your sanity. I leave you with 9 because I am confident you can come up with a tenth way to prevent your toddler from having his next temper tantrum.

Ultimately, I hope that these tips will help you in your quest to deal with your children's behavioral issues, good and bad. Just remember, you are not alone out there in the world of parenting and you will survive!!