Anita and the Missing Computer

It all started when Dusti woke up. That's all it took. It was the sixth time it had happened in the past seven days, so she was feeling only a tad bit "off". Dusti groped a hand toward her laptop, feeling for the mouse, thinking that was the one thing that would make her feel better. Waking up to the whining of her hard drive always got her heart pumping. Only, as she absently patted from one spot on her bed to another, did she realize that her beloved computer was missing!

Immediately she called her best friend, Anita. Dusti had known Anita for (plus or minus) a couple hundred years, the majority of which were filled with Anita's absence. It made their friendship endure when others would have long given up. Anita was unique, kinda smart, and sorta pretty. She was almost as clever as her ferrets - though - sometimes - a little... clueless. And absentminded. And dizzy. Even so, Dusti just loved her to death and so she called her anyway. After all, the situation was critical!

Anita viewed the caller ID and said a very very bad word. Even though she already knew what the problem was, she picked up the phone to a very agitated Dusti. Anita listened as Dusti screamed that her computer was missing and her Farmville crops would go to rot in their virtual fields in just a couple of hours if it wasn't found.

Anita sighed and calmly assured her best friend that most Farmville crops would more than likely to come back to life since Farmville routinely rolled back their times, but did she know that deadly earthworms usually furtively shudder after mating with black widow spiders? She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Dusti.

Why was Anita trying to distract her friend? Because she had snuck out from Dusti's house with the computer hidden in her armpit only eight hours prior. It was a striking little computer... how could she resist? Besides, it was more intelligent than she was and she had an idea that it would teach her new tricks - if she could figure out how to turn it on.

It didn't take long before Dusti got back to the subject at hand: her missing crops. Anita reluctantly invited her over for breakfast, assuring her they'd find the computer. Dusti grabbed her favorite hammock that she used in place of a purse (and which was filled with all her pet ferrets, three cell phones, and other miscellaneous items that often came in handy in an emergency).

After hanging up the phone, Anita realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the computer and she had to do it immediately. She figured that if Dusti took the cherry red candy-painted 'Lac, she had at least eleven minutes before Dusti would get there. Then Anita would be peculiarly screwed. The thought troubled her for a few moments.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, nine oafish cockroaches (that were lured by her own computer clicking) interrupted Anita. Anita sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling gloomy, she aimlessly reached for her mouse and fearlessly smacked every last one of them. Apparently, this was an adequate deterrent for the moment - as the now unenthusiastic critters began to scurry back toward their mouse hole, squealing with barely concealed rage. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the 'Lac roaring up the driveway. It was Dusti.

~~~v~~~

As Dusti pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency and stress. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Giant to pick up a 12-pack of Diet Pepsi, so she knew she was running late. With a hasty leap, Dusti was out of the car and quickly jaunted toward Anita's front door.

Meanwhile inside, Anita was panicking. She had to find a place to hide the computer until she had time to tinker with it. Not thinking, she tossed the computer into a box of rotten pickles, quickly closed the lid and then slid the box partially behind her sofa. Anita was puzzled when she thought she heard the sofa squeak in protest, but at least the computer was concealed. The doorbell rang and rang as she debated what to do next.

'Come in,' Anita finally yelled. With an impatient push, Dusti opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in an 18-wheeler,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Anita assured her, looking past her friend to see if a cool looking driver was behind the woman. "Drat! she thought.

Dusti took a seat in a chair precariously close to where Anita had hidden the computer. Anita yawned and rubbed her eyes trying unsuccessfully to hide her apprehension. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted out. "No, no - I brought my own drink", Dusti said, digging around in the hammock and pulling out one of the Diet Pepsis she had stashed between sleeping ferrets. Suddenly Anita noticed a funny look on Dusti's face. Dusti slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Anita felt a stabbing pain in her right eye when Dusti asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the box filled with the computer and those rotten pickles right by her oscillating fan.

'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!'

A lie that also smelled.

A shrewd look started to form on Dusti's face. Getting up, she turned first one way and then another, gazing around the room. Then she saw it. A box that seemed clearly out of place.

'Th-th-those are just my grandma's clothes from when she stays overnight. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier', clamored Anita.

Dusti nodded, noting that Anita's grandma had passed on at least 150 years before. Then, before Anita could react, she quickly lunged toward the box. Squinting as tears formed from the odious, revolting, loathsome smell, she opened it. The computer was plainly in view nestled inside a pile of oozing rotting pickles.

Dusti stared at Anita for what must've been three seconds. Overcome herself, Anita groped ostentatiously in Dusti's direction, clearly desperate to get her hands on the computer. Dusti grabbed the computer and bolted for the door. It was locked.

Anita let out an evil chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dusti,' she rebuked.

Anita always had been a little odd, but this was going beyond the pale. Dusti knew that reconciliation was not an option at the moment and she needed to escape before Anita did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at her or something. A mere second later, she gripped her computer tightly, grabbed the now moving hammock and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Anita stared blankly at the shattered window. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.'

Silence from Dusti.

'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!'

Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Dusti.

'Oh. You ..okay?'

Still silence. Anita walked over to the window and looked down. Dusti was gone.

~~~v~~~

Just beyond Anita's house, Dusti was struggling to make her way through the cucumber field behind Anita's place. Dusti had severely hurt her shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Suddenly, another pack of feral cockroaches suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the now evil-smelling computer. One by one, they latched on to Dusti. Already weakened from her injury, Dusti yielded to the chitinous onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a squealing horde of cockroaches running off with her computer.

As consciousness slowly returned, Dusti gazed across piles of sun-cooked cucumbers and chuckled with joy. All 12 of her ferrets had scampered out of the hammock when she fell and gleefully attacked the fleeing cockroaches. When she saw this, she knew her computer was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes her Farmville crops were going to be ready to harvest, followed by foal breeding over at the stables and a few Bubblegum trees that needed picked. Dusti was so relieved.

And so, everyone except Anita, who was busy trying to remove a few hand grenade-toting pistol-carrying cockroaches who had moved into Anita's computer unseen when she wasn't looking, lived happily, forever after. (She would bring Anita a whole box of chocolates along with that cutie truck driver tomorrow - after her Farmville farm chores were finished.)