Ann Coulter's Top Ten Dumbest Quotes

Does your wardrobe consist most of brown shirts? Do you find yourself muttering about how you wish the guy flipping your Big Mac spoke English? Do you feel tired and listless? Do you poop out at parties? If so, you might have been bitten by the Republican bug that's been going around since Barack Obama took the oath of office. But fret not, dear reader. Republicanism is not fatal in moderate cases. It may make you boring and unpopular around your intellectual friends, that is assuming you have friends. But in extreme circumstances Republicanism can become a gateway drug to wacko right wing extremism, a condition so deadly it makes the swine flu look like the sniffles.

One telltale symptom of wacko right wing extremism (WRWE) is a predisposition to having wet dreams about another sufferer from the previous mentioned malady, Ann Coulter. This symptom can occur in both sexes, as Coulter admits herself that she's "more of a man than any liberal." And her deep voice and Adam's apple further this point. So as any good doctor would prescribe, here are ten of her dumbest quotations, prescribed hoping that the blatant craziness of her thoughts are enough to cure anyone's case of wacko right wing extremism.

1. "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

This didn't work so well for Hitler, but whoever claimed Ann Coulter was original? She said this about Islamic extremists on September 12, 2001, allegedly after she filled her car up with Middle Eastern Oil.

2. "If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?"

Umm... I dunno... maybe because the Taliban are all the way over in Afghanistan, and now Pakistan, and not conveniently across the Mexican border? Does Ann Coulter really believe A. that the Taliban is in Mexico or B. that the easiest way to get to Afghanistan is through Mexico, or C. Immigrants, Taliban, they all look alike to me? Probably D, all the above. Mental note for Ann: When hunting terrorists, borrow someone's Tomtom.

3. "I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it."

That quote alone would not be so ludicrous had she not said...

4. "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

Or...

5. "If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

Really Ann? Christianity trumps mean spirited, bigoted conservative? You're a Christian first and an wacko right wing extremist second? Where? In Bizarroland? On Opposite Day? But then again, maybe Coulter's God is an AK-47 armed Charlton Heston as Moses type of person, more of a Zeus than a loving and forgiving Jesus Christ.

6. "God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"

There's that crazy God again. Does God have Ann Coulter on speed dial? Does she drunk dial him when she's had a few too many Labatts? And if so, is he on the Verizon network? Who among you thinks God really wants us to rape what took him six long days to create? Who honestly believes God isn't horrified, too horrified to look away from the train wreck Earth has become? His horror is only surpassed when he hears extreme wacko nut jobs like Ann Coulter put words in His mouth.

7. "The man responsible for keeping Americans safe from another terrorist attack on American soil for nearly seven years now will go down in history as one of America's greatest presidents."

Really Ann, really? One of America's greatest presidents? Bush, who lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq... a greater president than Washington who couldn't even lie about chopping down a cherry tree? Greater than Lincoln, even, who signed the Emancipation Proclamation, compared to Bush who emancipated the richest 5% of Americans from their tax burdens? I think most Republicans with half a brain would be completely satisfied to consider George W. Bush, at best, somewhere around halfway down the illustrious Presidential list of liars and scoundrels who've ran this country.

8. "These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much."

She said this about wives of those lost in the 9/11 terror attacks who were critical of the Bush administration, forgetting that they're also widows, something Ann Counter will never be because there's not a man (or woman) alive crazy enough to marry her.

The next quote is a three parter.

9. "I think [women] should be armed but should not vote...women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it...it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."

"It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care -- and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?'"

I don't know if Ann Coulter has completely thought out her personal fantasy or if it's like most personal fantasies, lasting about two minutes before you realize that your sheets are all wet and you need to wash your hands. But if America really did take suffrage away from women, Ann Counter would also be disenfranchised, as she's a woman herself (allegedly). I'm sure she wouldn't mind giving up her right to vote, just so long as she wouldn't have to pay any taxes, and Republicans were guaranteed victories. But why women, Ann? Why not white men, or both white men and women? In every Presidential election since forever, the Democrats would've won if only non-whites had voted. If that sounds crazy, that's because it is. Not to mention hypocritical and stupid and blond, all things Ann Coulter is in a nutcase nutshell.

10. "They're [Democrats] always accusing us of repressing their speech. I say let's do it. Let's repress them. Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment."

She's a bigger fan of the second amendment, which could blow holes through that pesky first amendment. But again, Ann Coulter seems to think lest she wouldn't be able to make such asinine mouth farts on a regular basis.

That's it for your dose of wacko right wing extremist quotes by Ann Coulter. Directions: Take one quote every four hours. Rinse. Repeat. If symptoms of wacko right wing extremism persist, please consider moving to a sheep farm in Wyoming where no one can hear you and even if they could, no one will listen.