Announcing the Engagement to Your Parents

What an incredible point in your life - now that you are engaged, you and your fiancé are about to take the second step in that great adventure known as marriage (the first step in this journal was his getting up the nerve to pop the question in the first place). Planning a wedding is an incredibly happy and exciting time, but it can also be a very hectic time and put a lot of stress on both partners. One of the most awkward points in all the planning can often be "popping" the concept to the parents. Sometimes, they take it well and, at other times, they can react with a bit of a shock. Try following these hints for making those crucial announcements as smooth and trouble-free as possible:

In the past, it was common practice that the future groom go to the father, before ever popping the question to his intended, and ask her father if he could have her hand in marriage. Of course, this was back in the days of dowries, and times when women were treated much like property. In this modern world, however, a large number of women pick their husbands and then marry without even bothering to get their parents' blessing. Far too often, we overlook the feeling of pride and importance that such a gesture grants her father. If he seems to be the type of person who puts a lot of pride in traditions, or if he is very wary and over-protective of his daughter, holding to tradition and asking for her hand can win the groom extra points. This also allows the bride's father the opportunity to feel involved and tell the bride's mother of the news, as well as to announce it to his friends. Even if the would-be groom doesn't ask his future father-in-law for the bride's hand in marriage, the parents of both should still be among the first to know that there is a wedding on the horizon.

So what do you do, if you're simply informing them of the upcoming engagement? Well, before you take a step further, take a moment to consider both you and your intended's parents. One of the best ways to make sure the announcement goes off without a hitch is to try and plan out the best way to share this news with them. Granted, this announcement is about the two of you, but you want this part to feel like it is about them; you want to make it as happy and as memorable as possible. The wedding will focus on you and your intended - make this part of the excitement about them.

Ideally, you will want to tell them the news face-to-face, and every effort should be made in order to tell your families in person. Some great ideas for this include inviting them out for a casual dinner at a nice restaurant, having a small private party for them at your home, going out for drinks, getting together to play cards, or even enjoying a round of putt-putt golf together. It's an exciting and fun announcement, so be sure to tell it in a fitting surrounding, where a good time can be had by all.

Sometimes, distance makes it difficult to get together and talk to your parents. If this is the case, try making the effort by planning a weekend visit with them. If you are trying to conserve funds and don't have the extra for a road trip, or if you have to work and simply can't pull it off right now, you might wait and plan to tell your families when you get together for the holidays - many engagements are announced during Christmas or New Years, but you can do it any time that you meet up with the family.

If this is still impossible and you've exhausted all other options, you can always try an excited and jubilant phone call from the two of you. Be sure to tell them that you wish you could have told them in person, but that this was impossible for whatever reason. Another good hint is to add in a comment about how you couldn't wait to share the exciting news with them anyhow. More often than not, your families will be understanding of the situation.

Once both families have been told about the upcoming wedding, it's usually a good idea for the two to meet. This can be done by either inviting them both out for a casual dinner or, perhaps, out for a couple of drinks. If you wish to go the traditional route, the groom's mother usually contacts the mother of the bride, inviting the bride's parents to dinner. If distance is an issue again, a congratulating phone call or a little note, written from the groom's mother to the bride's mother is considered appropriate. Quite often one of the families, if not both, will host an engagement party in your honor. Don't panic and think that this is a must-have or something else that you're required to plan; an engagement party only requires that you show for it, and that you relax and have a good time (though common courtesy dictates that you should write thank you cards to all, afterwards).

Sharing the news of your engagement and upcoming wedding can sometimes be nerve-wracking, but you should let nothing put a damper on that special day. Talk to your family and make them feel special, let them know that they are a part of this exciting period of your life and, above all else, remind them that they aren't losing you or your partner, but that they are welcoming the person that you both love into the family. Following these steps and helpful hints, it's bound to be with open arms.