Announcing My First Pregnancy and My Secrets Revealed

When I found out my older sister was pregnant in June of 1996 I never thought I was too. I never thought about the possibility of motherhood before. It was then that I decided I better start using some kind of precaution.

I didn't have my driver's license at that point yet. When my sister offered to borrow mom's car, and take me to Family Planning, I didn't argue. We set my appointment for the middle of August.

The family planning counselor discussed my options. Like most young women trying to prevent pregnancy I opted for birth control pills. The doctor told me I would need to take a pregnancy test before I could be given my prescription.

As we waited for the test results, at that time it was ten minutes minimum, we discussed future pregnancy wishes and the joys of motherhood. The counselor left the room to go read my pregnancy test results and when she came back she closed the door.

"Your pregnancy test is positive", she said.

I had a huge moment of stupidity when I asked her 'how' and all she could say was that she is certain I already know how. I then continued to say one word over and over again because I was sure the pregnancy test was wrong. I repeated 'no' at least two dozen times before the counselor handed me some pamphlets of information and I walked out the door.

Both of my sisters were waiting in the waiting room. I looked at my older sister, started crying, and all I could say was 'lets go'. I was not prepared to find out that I was pregnant. The possibility never even crossed my mind before. I hadn't even missed a period.

On the walk to the car I told my older sister I was pregnant. My little sister heard what I had said and started talking about all of the things she would do with the babies. She was excited because she was the youngest of four children and now both of her sisters were going to have babies.

My older sister had a lot of questions that I didn't want to answer. She asked who the father was and how long I had been seeing him. I kept my private life private from almost everyone at that time, and I still wasn't ready to give up the details. I was scared of what the father was going to say and I really didn't want to talk about it.

My sister explained what would happen next. The due date, the exams, nutrition, and what not to do is what I would hear for the next few hours. It was then time to pick up mom at work.

On the ride home my mother was making jokes about a brown paper bag I received at the office. She asked if it was a bag of condoms that I was to use for a time period before the pill would be fully effective.

My sister, who was driving, told mom that she should listen for a minute. I never saw my mother look so confused. My sister said, 'Mom, she's pregnant.'

My mother then turned around to face me and yelled, 'No! You are not!'

For the next few minutes my mother would continue on the assumption that we were pulling her leg. When she finally realized that we were not joking she had the same questions my sister did.

She turned around and looked at me, slowly stumbling over her words she said, 'from who? How?' She never knew until that moment that I was not a virgin. She had no idea that I had a boyfriend, let alone a boyfriend who was much older than me. No one did.

I don't think it really sunk in until my mother called my father. He had the exact same questions. They all wondered how the sweet and innocent girl they thought they knew could keep a secret from everyone.

Later that night I called the baby's father. I got the reaction I expected, disbelief. When I finally convinced him that I was telling the truth I heard the words that no woman about to enter motherhood ever wants to hear, 'it's not mine'. I cried and choked on my words while I tried to convince him there was not any other possibility. He wouldn't give in to the idea that he was going to be a father.

I was already three months pregnant at that time, and had no idea what was going to come. School was starting the next week and I was a senior. I lived at home, but did have a part time job. The baby's father would not speak to me for months after I told him I was pregnant.

My first day back to school I was equipped with notes from the doctor. I had one each for the gym teacher, the principal, the main office, and every teacher I would have for the entire year.

All the reactions from my teachers about my pregnancy were the same. If I needed to use the bathroom I could get up and go without asking, I was told not to do certain activities in gym, and given a list of what I was not supposed to eat at lunch. Many of them asked if they knew the father, none of them did because he didn't go to school in the same district and he had long since been out of school.

The principal then informed me that per the curriculum I would need to take parenting classes in order to graduate. He looked at me with an expression as if he did not know what I would say. I didn't mind having to take on another class. I actually thought it was a great idea because I was so scared, and so young.

Of all the reactions of all of the people who would be told I was pregnant, I think mine was the best. I was completely dumbfounded and blindsided, but hindsight is 20/20 and I now know what signs I had that I missed.