Another Look at the Game of Hockey

Back in 2006 I decided that I needed to make a change in my life. I had spent nearly ten years working in Human Resources and it was becoming painfully obvious that this was not the career I was meant to do for the rest of my life. You can ask my friends how much time I spent complaining about work and how much I hated each company I worked for. I decided it was time to seriously pursue my passion which had been, since I was in third grade, writing. I had always wanted to be a columnist and a novelist and I started writing opinion pieces I felt were funny.

I have a very good friend who loves the game of hockey. The thing is, this particular friend, is the type who, upon reaching a decision about things, tends to think that the rest of the world should fall in line with his way of thinking. As such, as far as he is concerned, the only sport anyone should consider watching, playing or spending any time with is hockey. Needless to say, this goes against my beliefs because I believe in more choices for as many people as possible and God bless you if your choice doesn't agree with mine. That's why this country is so great, because there are so many choices and we all have the freedom to make whatever choice we want without fear of prosecution or persecution.

So, I thought it would be funny to write a humorous piece about the game of hockey, where I made a bunch of very silly, entirely funny, not-remotely-serious points about why I hated hockey. My pictured audience was one person, namely that friend of mine. We have had so many arguments during our friendship where he picks apart my favorite sport, baseball, and I counter with reasons to disllike hockey. Once I wrote this article, I found this website called Associated Content. I submitted the thing. Lo and behold, the agreed to PAY me for the article. It was, therefore, the first article I wrote that I got paid for. You can find "Why Hockey Sucks" at that link and read it for yourself.

It was published and I promptly forgot about it. That's generally the way I think most writers work. To me, writing is a "set it and forget it:" kind of deal. I spend a lot of time pondering and considering the articles I write and then I edit them myself (which is why you find so many type-os) and then I publish them. At that point, I may have spent many hours with the thing and the last thing I want to do is revisit the article all over again and spend more time with it.

A funny thing happened, though. People found the article. The number of hits to it continues to grow. Heck, i still make money from the damn thing. Then I started checking out the comments people were leaving. I now do that regularly because nothing brings greater joy and laughter to my life than apoplectic hockey fans, unbelievably offended over a teasing around about a GAME, trying to insult me, take apart my article and defend their sport.

First off, in the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you something you may not realize: I DON'T ACTUALLY HATE HOCKEY NOR DO I THINK THE SPORT ACTUALLU SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, hockey fans, read that sentence again about ten times so that maybe it will sink in. Go ahead, I'll wait. Got it? Good!

See, the article was meant to be funny. Sometimes, when you want to be funny, you say outrageous things that you don't necessarily mean. Is Sarah Silverman really as racist as she seems when on stage? Well, I don't know Ms. Silverman personally (and Sarah, I am available to comfort you after your recent break up) but I have my doubts.

I have been to many hockey games. I love the Chicago Wolves. I went to countless Chicago Blackhawk games as a child. I have attended many St. Louis Blues games with the same friend at which I was poking fun. I have visited many minor league hockey games. I have watched friends just playing hockey at parks. It's a fast, exciting, action-packed game.

Chicago is in the middle of a hockey revival. It's like the Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead scene around here. Bill Wirtz, the evil kind who ruled the Blackhawks with an iron fist, decided the best way to lure fans was to punish them. If the games were not sold out, he would not show them on local TV. His rationale? Hey, you wanna see the game, you come to the stadium. At the same time, ticket prices kept going up and up and up to uneblievable levels. While at the SAME TIME, he refused to pay salaries that would bring the best talent to the team. So, the Hawks sucked, which meant few people cared and wanted to go, and no one could watch the games on TV, so no one showed up.

Wirtz died this year and it's like sunshine on hockey in this town. The Blackhawks management immediately cut a deal with WGN to show games on television. They just had the very first ever Blackhawks Fan Convention over a weekend and each and every day was sold out. Suddenly the Blackhawks are everywhere, including the news where often, if you watched the local sports, you would be hard-pressed to know for sure if Chicago still had an NHL team.

Meanwhile, the Chicago Wolves have been doing brisk business out in the suburbs for some time now. They have also won their league championship many times, including this last season. They have done so by keeping ticket prices fairly low and by making it fan and family friendly entertainment. Truts me, a Wolves game is a blast. I've been.

So, you see, I really don't hate the game of hockey. What I object to is the idea that it is the ONLY sport worth considering. Again, I believe in choice. My friend said he once spent an evening apologizing to a woman from Romania about the fact that NASCAR is the biggest spectator sport in this country. When I asked why he apologized he questioned if I was embarassed that this country considered that the best sport to watch? I said, no, I just celebrate the fact we have so much freedom that for people who like NASCAR, there's NASCAR, but for those who like hockey, baseball, basketball or football, they can watch their sport as well.

Of course, the attacks on me continue to be of the lowest form. Last time I checked, someone had written an article refuting each of my points. I find that brillaint. Those who write comments suggesting I am a homosexual by using a derogatory three-letter word, however, are not doing much to show hockey fans as being intelligent beings. They are helping their cause not one bit. Intelligent, well-thought-out debate is one thing. Calling someone a name to refute something they said, is juts ignorant.

To the argument that I dislike hockey becuase I canot play, well, I can't play baseball or football either. I have no atheletic skill at all. The games I play and have any ability with are backyard games like Bocce and "Bags." Even then, there are drunken guys who show up at the various barbecues I have played those games at who are better than me. An athlete of any sport, I am not. So, just because I cannot play the sport is no explanation for my opinions about it, especially when you consider the fact I don't actually hate it! I love baseball and football, but I couldn't last ten seconds in a pick up game of either by a bunch of ten-year-olds.

Finally, for those of you who do not know, I make, in the first paragraph, a truly tasteless joke about, of all things, suicide. To this day, it's the worst and most tasteless joke I have ever made in my writing career. In that paragraph I state the only thing Ernest Hemingway was actually good at was "shotgun barrel eating." Apparently most hockey fans are not familiar with Big Poppa because everyone is offended by the jokesI make about a sport but never, not once, has anyone ever been offended by that horrible joke.

See, hockey fans, Hemingway was an American writer. Many consider his books classics, but I do not. When he got older, he became depressed. Then he killed himself. How? He put the barrel of a shotgun into his mouth and pulled the trigger. See? "Shotgun barrel eating." Get it? It's a bad joke about suicide!

Just trying to put things into perspective, people.