Answering the Call of a Friend in Crisis

Most of us have received the call at one time or another. Someone we love is in the hospital. They are fine, but they are waiting for news about someone they love. We feel helpless. We want to go to them and sit with them. We ask if there is anything they need. They usually say "no." The following suggestions will help you to give them both emotional and practical help in their moment of need.

Before you are called on to be a support to your loved ones, you should have a bag of basic necessities ready to grab. The items here are to help make it easier to pass the time while waiting. My grab and go bag contains:

Crayons, markers and a folder with blank pieces of paper on one side and a place to put completed projects on the other. In times of stress, distracting children can be good therapy for parents. On the other hand, even adults can find a creative outlet helpful. Because I try to keep this all in one bag, I tend to keep things simple. You might also fill out the craft section with safety-scissors, glitter, and a glue stick.

In the more grown-up side of the craft bag, I include a few small needlepoint kits that I have found on sale at the craft store for a couple of dollars. For those who do needlework, being able to stitch can be very soothing. I also have a couple of balls of yarn in my bag, a couple of crochet hooks and a set of knitting needles. I always keep a couple of "granny squares" in the bag. I will start crocheting while I talk to someone, and they can certainly join in if they want to. Sometimes just having a way to keep your hands busy helps.

Stationary and pens are also a good item here. I keep stamps here, too. In times of stress, people often like to reach out to others. Writing letters can be a good exercise. I also keep a small notebook with writing paper if someone wants something just to do a little journaling in.

My bag contains a travel game set that includes chess, checkers and backgammon pieces. I also keep a deck of cards, a few extra dice, and a Yahtzee score pad in the bag. Because I'm trying to fit things in a single bag, I have eliminated extra pieces such as dice cups.

My visiting bag also includes little aluminum envelopes with moist towelettes like people sometimes get at restaurants. I have several small packs of tissues. I have travel-sizes of lotions and hand sanitizers. I will have a couple of cheap toothbrushes and a tube of toothpaste in the bag. When you get stuck holding vigil in an emergency room or hospital waiting area, being able to freshen up a little can be comforting.

Additional distractions I might include are books of short stories or essays, comic books, or audio books. Chances are the hospital will have newspapers and current magazines, so I include things that are date sensitive.

If you and those you love are religious, bring a copy of the Bible or Koran or other holy book that might offer comfort. Because I was raised in a Jewish household, I have my own tallit, tefillin and yarmulke. I actually pack a couple of extra yarmulke. I have found that if one person wishes to pray, often more will join. I have all these items in a single bag which goes with me to synagogue. If I know I am going to be with someone who is observant, I will snag that bag on the way out. If someone is comforted by slipping into ritual and prayer, I have the things they need. I suspect Catholics might be comforted by the presence of a rosary that they could use. Other faiths will have other items.

Because hospitals do not necessarily allow the use of cell phones and because there are lots of vending machines around such places, I toss in a couple of rolls of quarters. These are perfect for pay phones, parking meters and potato chips. I complete my bag's contents with a few packs of gum and a few healthy snacks such as raisins or nuts. I also will toss in a bottle of gummy-candy shaped vitamins or caramel chew shaped vitamins.

When loved ones call, the most important thing you can do is go and be with them. With a little advanced planning, you can offer more than just your presence. You can offer items that provide comfort and distraction.

This bag is also a good supplement to the grab and go bag you have in case of an emergency. You have a grab and go bag, don't you? That's another article.