Answering a Child's Question

Children are curious little beings. They ask endless questions about everything in life from, "what's for dinner?' to "Why does the sun go down at night?' to the harder, more serious questions that all parents dread.

It is important to remember that children do not need complicated answers and detailed explanations to the questions they ask. They are just seeking an answer. As a rule, when a child asks me a question, I give the most honest and simple answer I possibly can. If a child asks me what is for dinner, I may reply, "Food." rather than telling them exactly what I am cooking. It is a silly answer, but an honest and simple one. If the answer leads to more questions, I give more answers.

As a rule, I try not to give my children answers such as, "Because I said so". In my opinion, this answer sends the message to my child that I am not interested in what they are thinking about. Now, don't get me wrong, I have used that answer, especially when I tell my kids that it is time for bed, and they continue to ask why after I have given them several answers. My saying, "Because I said so", tells my children that I have already answered that questions many ways, and now it is time to listen to me.

My feeling is that by doing my best to answer the questions that my children ask me, they will continue to come to me for answers as they grow older. There will come a day when there is a serious question they need to ask. I believe that if they know that I will give them an honest answer, they will not be leery of coming to me.

Of course, there are some questions that even a parent does not have the answer to. In these situations, I am not afraid to tell my child that I really do not know. When this happens, I try to use the question as an opportunity for both my child and I to learn something together. I may say, "Well, I am not sure, let's look it up and see what we can find." Then, I will get on the internet, or open a book, and try to help my child find the answer to their question. Once again, this shows my children that what they think about is important to me.

Many parents make the choice to give their children either no answer at all, or an answer full of details that the child is really not looking for. A good example, my six year old asked me if I know how to make a baby. My reply was, "Yes, I do." The next question was, "Will you tell me how when I am older?" My answer was, "Yes, when you are much older." My little one was not necessarily seeking the information on how a baby is made for immediate knowledge; rather, wanting to know if I knew so it could be discussed at a later time. I managed to answer the question without embarrassing myself by giving a six year old details that are unnecessary at that age.

Answering questions age appropriately is also important when your child comes to you. A six year old asking about the way babies are made is a lot different than a sixteen year old asking the same question. The six year old needs little to no details to satisfy their curiosity, whereas; a sixteen year old needs a bit more information. Just as a boy asking about a girl's menstrual cycle requires a bit less information than a girl asking the same question. I don't think that a boy would even want to know as much about that subject as a girl needs to know!

In conclusion, when your child comes to you with constant questions, answer them. You will gain your child's trust and respect by answering the question to the best of your ability or helping to find the answer, rather than trying to ignore the question all together. When you do answer a question, be honest, yet simple in your answer, and answer the question age and gender appropriately. The simple act of answering a child's question can open the doors of communication and trust between you and your child.