Answers

My munchkins got in a fight about the color of the sky one morning.

"It's blue," said wee Emma very matter-of-factly, with her hands on her hips.

"No, it's purple. It's purplish," Brianne replied, completely certain in her observation, with her chin jutted out for emphasis.

"Blue!"

"Purple!"

As you can imagine neither was about to buckle, they both knew their answer to be correct and there was no changing their minds, especially if it meant agreeing with a bossy older sister or a trouble-making little sister.

Eventually, doubt and continued arguing sent them racing to my side, one grabbed my elbow as the other wrapped her arms about my waist.

"Tell, Brianne, the sky is blue!"

"No, it's not, tell her it is purple!"

"It's blue, right? I'm right, aren't I?"

"No way, you can't be right. It's purple, right, Mommy?"

Ah, answers, we all want answers, whether it is the color of the sky, or wanting to know if today will bring rain or snow, we want to know and we want to know now. Not tomorrow or next week or in a couple of years, or worse yet, on our death bed, we want it all, pronto.

I've wanted answers to a lot of questions since my marriage fell apart in June. I have looked for those answers seemingly everywhere, too, from between the pages of my own written words, to bouncing questions and theories off a few friends. I have even looked up to the maybe blue, maybe purple skies hoping for a cloud with all the answers written upon it.

No such luck, it seems, and no sign of rain, if you happened to be looking for that as an answer today.

A lot of people want answers to the little things, while others want answers to the really big questions such as why are we here?

We have to be here for something more than to spend our days arguing over the color of the sky, right?

What makes it worse though, when trying to find answers, is when you aren't even sure of the question. You've got an idea but no solid lead so you turn over every rock in your path in search. I've wanted answers so bad that I've considered bending down to the road every five seconds to flip over even the most insignificant pebble; certain there will be an answer either beneath it or on it.

I've fought the need to climb the Crabtree in the yard in an attempt to elicit answers from every apple.

I'm ashamed to admit but I've even tried to decode ripples moving idly over a pond in the wake of a duck.

Sometimes I'm looking for the answer as to why I feel like there are no coincidences in this world, that our path is marked well before we are even born, and other times the question is why is the world like that ol' proverbial box of chocolates?

You never know what you are going to get.

Yet, my real worry is what happens if I finally figure out the biggest question of them all and get an answer I don't like? What if I want to be told the sky is blue and the answer is purple?

Or the sky is purple and I want it to be blue?

What if, in the end, having the answer doesn't solve anything at all?

originally published That's my Opinion October 12, 2010

The mother of two munchkins, Bethany J. Royer is an independent contractor and writer currently studying psychology with Florida Institute of Technology. She is actively seeking a publisher for her first completed novel while working on a memoir about her personal trials and tribulations with divorce.

She blogs prolifically at motherofthemunchkins.blogspot.com and can be reached at themotherofthemunchkins@yahoo.com.