Anti-Valentine's Day

What do we do when everyone around us is gushing about Valentine's Day? Besides gritting our teeth and seething with anger, I've come up with 5 ways to not celebrate and hopefully these tips will alleviate the pressure we feel to club people in the face when they show up with pastel colored candy hearts with the insignia, "Fax Me!" (I wonder if they've been updated recently, modern sayings like "MySpace me!") Who cares right? This is Anti -Valentine's Day and we mean to prove a point, so please, keep reading.

1) Make an appointment with the dentist. Stop putting off your cleaning and get rid of the holiday layer of overindulgence from those pearly whites. The last thing you'll have on your mind is Valentine's Day while big groping hands scrape and tell you to spit every few seconds.

2) Buy a new book. Now, one could opt for a romance, but that wouldn't get your point across and it would leave you feeling empty inside, trust me. Head for the horror/sci-fi section and find the scariest novel on the shelf. Let me save you some time. Choose an old Stephen King novel, like "IT" and let Pennywise the clown take you away to a horror filled sewer and drown you with fear.

3) Clean the fridge. I know nobody ever wants to do this, but what better time to take a closer look at the rotting vegetables in the crisper drawer? Not only will you be doing yourself a favor by eliminating that bacterial Petri dish you call a fridge, but looking at the foods you ate before they were given life will turn your stomach and take away any urge you might have had to go out to dinner.

4) Surf the internet. Concentrate on reading only anti-commercialism campaigns. The holidays were derived from rich, money clip carrying business men. Once you've read a few campaigns you will no longer feel the need to buy stupid insignificant chachki's. You'll experience anger toward retailers and feel really good about not being responsible for lining their pockets and depleting yours.

5) Go to a casino. End you day on a good note. Take the money you would normally spend on Valentine's cards, heart shaped boxes and goofy stuffed animals and plop it into a slot machine instead. Enjoy free drinks (drink responsibly please!) and a couple hours of hope that you might just hit the big one.

Good luck to all Anti-Valentine's Day soldiers, I promise if you follow this list, you'll be too sick for much of anything else...