Anxiety Disorders: Most Common Mental Health Illness in the United States

I have first hand experience dealing with depression and anxiety. Growing up I was always shy. I was so shy I wouldn't hold up my hand in class if I had to go to the bathroom. When I was nine years old, my parents divorced. My mom, my sister and I traveled all the way from Illinois to California. My parents didn't tell me they were divorcing. I thought we were just going to visit my grandparents in California. It was my first time traveling in an airplane and I was kind of excited and scared at the same time. I didn't really get to say a proper good-bye to my dad and my favorite grandma, (who was crying her eyes out). Once we were in California I found out my parents were getting a divorce.

Adjustments Including an Abusive Relationship

After living with my grandparents for a while, we moved into an apartment. Shortly after moving to California, my mom met a man she fell in love with, but he decided he didn't think things would work out. My mom was crushed and vulnerable. We found out my dad remarried, (not from my dad), but from my aunt. My mom was very vulnerable and her self esteem crushed. My mom rushed into marrying a man who sexually abused me, and my sister. I can't remember if I told my mom about the sexual abuse or if my sister did. Thankfully my mom divorced him after a year.

In those days you didn't think about going to counseling or talking about sexual abuse. Everything was just pushed under the rug as they say, like it never happened. People are more educated and aware of abuse these days, thank goodness. News programs are educating the public about mental health and sexual predators now. Thanks to tv news programs we are learning how to educate our children about sexual predators. Also web sites can show you how many registered sexual offenders are out there. The word is getting out.

After Effect of an Abusive Relationship

After this experience I became less interested in school and was extremely shy with people I didn't know. I didn't trust people and I also felt nervous often. My sister decided to move back to Illinois to live with my dad and his new wife. My mom remarried again and I really liked this man. We moved into a new apartment. I looked up to him and he was very good to me. He drank beer all the time, but it didn't seem to affect him. My sister moved back with us after three years. Her experience living with our dad and step mom didn't work out very well. They did not believe her about the abuse we had endured. She started hanging out with the wrong crowd and using drugs. Our step dad started drinking more and his whole personality change, he wasn't the same person anymore. I couldn't take living with a drug addict, an alcoholic and a mother in complete denial.

History Repeats Itself

I ended up getting married when I was only nineteen. Part of it subconsciously was I wanted to get away from home. I thought I was in love and we were best friends, but the passion wasn't there. After ten years we divorced. I became so depressed and anxious I couldn't sleep or eat. I was losing weight. My weight got down to 98 pounds. I ended up going to counseling, where I received inadequate counseling and a medication called Klonopin. I felt like I was going crazy, I was depressed and nervous with people. I was easily stressed and cried a lot. Sometimes I had a feeling like there was someone behind me and I would actually look over my shoulder. I knew there was nothing to fear, but I couldn't help feeling afraid. I had Post Traumatic Syndrome.

Moving in with Mom

I moved into an apartment with my mom as a roommate. I need to make the move in with her due to finances. I didn't fully trust her, but we made the move and we got along great. My ex-husband and I became friends and I got a job that I wanted. My life became stable. I didn't take medication anymore. I then met a guy at church and had my rebound relationship. The sex was great, but that was it. I don't regret it, but it turned out to be lust, not love.

After about three years, my mom fell in love. At the same time, my sister, who was a drug addict had moved in with us. My mom moved out, leaving me to deal with my sister and to find an apartment of my own. I was so mad at my mom and the way my sister was acting at the time, I dreaded coming home from work. I got my own apartment. This was the first time I ever lived on my own at the age of thirty something. It was lonely at first and quite an adjustment. I didn't tell my mom about how mad I was at her until years later. At this time I started biting my tongue, in my sleep, (common for people with anxiety) in my sleep and ended up having a biopsy on my tongue and then laser surgery.

How to Know When it's Time to Seek Counseling

After a miserable recovery from my surgery I went back to work. I went back too soon. I hadn't been able to eat any solid foods and I just didn't have my normal strength back yet. I took some more time off and finally went back to work.

About six years later I started dating a co-worker who had just separated from his wife and had three kids. I knew I shouldn't get involved in this, but I went ahead and got involved with him and his three adorable daughters. It was great at first. The good times were great. The bad times were really bad. We broke up after nine months and I still had to see him daily at work. I was very depressed and cried constantly and tried to get back together with him. I couldn't get over it. I realized I needed professional help.

How to Know You've Chosen the Right Counselor

After deciding I needed some help, I sought out counseling again. I was lucky to find a great counselor. I told her about my current depression and my abusive past. She told me she also had been abused as a child and I knew instantly she was the right counselor for me. We worked through all my past and present issues, using writing, reading out loud to her what I had written, interpreting dreams and of course talking. I first went through individual counseling and later moved on to group therapy. A good counselor can be a real life saver. Once I completed my therapy, I had new tools to use to handle my problems and my relationships with people. I hadn't talked to my family for a couple of years during this time. I did email them. After my grandmother got sick and passed away, I reunited with my family. I had to forgive myself and my family.

The Return of Anxiety and Depression

During my counseling I began to experience increased depression and anxiety again when I was laid off from a job where I worked for ten years. I loved that job and would have stayed there till I retired. I quickly got another job, which was very stressful and I started eating a lot, gaining weight, becoming very depressed and extremely anxious. At this point I tried taking Paxil, which made me feel so much worse, I had to stop and it took me a week to recover from it enough to go back to work. Then a bunch of us got laid off from that job.

Work History Repeats Itself

It was actually good timing getting laid off from this last job since I was getting depressed and very anxious again. My anxiety was getting worse and I had a hard time talking on the phone. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I felt afraid all the time and depressed. I started taking Wellbutrin and it took about a month before it made my depression feel somewhat better. I was on unemployment for almost a year and then had to go on disability due to having a hysterectomy. I had endometriosis and two large cysts, one in each fallopian tube. My periods had become so painful, I could barely sit or walk upright without some strong medication. I was anxious about having an operation, but ready for the surgery due to the pain. I now had menopause and hot flashes, which I have under control.

More Stress

My unemployment finally ran out and I was not able to get an extension. I lived on my own, so I ended up going to six different temp agencies and got a job at the last one I went to. In the beginning my new job was not very stressful, but gradually it became more and more stressful. I became more depressed and anxious. I felt like a dark cloud was hanging over my head and I felt like crying all the time. My anxiety was getting so bad that I had a hard time talking and would actually lose my voice.

Family History

I started having to go home from work because I couldn't handle it. During this time my sister was diagnosed with cancer and she ended up being terminal. I didn't know what to do about my increasing anxiety, so I went back to my counselor who had always given me great advice. I let her know I had tried herbal medications, yoga, etc. I let her know about my job situation and my sister. Since, I had been through seven years of counseling already, she felt it was possible I was born with a predisposition toward anxiety and depression. My sister also suffered from depression and anxiety and I later found out my mom and her mom had it as well. I did research on the internet about cancer, depression, and anxiety, trying to educate myself as much as possible. I read books, any research I could.

Finding the Right Doctor

My counselor recommended I go to an Endocrinologist. He also felt my depression and anxiety was inherited. He prescribed Zoloft and gave me Xanax. The Xanax didn't help my anxiety at all, but the Zoloft kicked in after a few weeks and my depression went away. It felt so good to not be constantly depressed. I suddenly felt motivated and energetic, able to think more clearly and I didn't feel like a dark cloud of sadness was hanging over me any longer. But, I was still extremely anxious.

Barely Functioning at Work

The Xanax did not work. The doctor then gave me Valium. I could take five Valium tablets, (a total of 50 mg), which would knock most people out. My anxiety kept getting worse and I just could hardly talk at work in my normal voice, it was like a hoarse, croaking sound. I felt like I couldn't breathe and like my mind and body were just racing in high gear. It was very hard to function at work, especially since I was working in customer service on the phone all day and waiting on customers at the front counter.

Over the Edge

Sadly, my sister passed away. I was amazed how I found an inner strength each time I visited her. One good thing that came out of this experience was that it brought my family closer together, what a gift. My dad hadn't seen my sister for years and he flew in from Illinois to see her. I found out my sister really loved me and I loved her. It was a very difficult time, but I was glad we had this time together.

I went back to work after a couple of days. About a week or so later, my boss told me I should start looking for another job. I went home that night and I totally lost it. I called my doctor, my counselor, my best friend and my mom.

Trial and Error

My mom came over and spent the night with me. I continued working until my doctor gave me a written note that I was to go on disability. My doctor tried different medications for my anxiety, Buspar, a higher dosage of Zoloft, and nothing worked. Every time I tried something new I had to go through feeling sick, including nausea, migraine headaches, feeling weak and even more anxious and depressed.

How to Find Help

My endocrinologist then sent me to a psychiatrist after trying all these medications without any success. I was lucky to get a really good doctor. He tried different medications for me as well. Finally the doctor had me try a medication called Neurontin, which did help my anxiety somewhat. The doctor and I agreed to stick with the dosages of medications I was currently taking, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Neurontin and Valium. He said I had the worse case of Anxiety Disorder he had ever seen.

I Don't Have to Work Anymore

So, I am happy now, not depressed. When I go out, I take the Valium. I've had to adjust the medication. I had to decrease the Wellbutrin due to abdominal pain and I had to recently increase the Zoloft by a half a pill more due to feeling my depression coming back. I tried the generic Zoloft when it came out and it made me sick. I went back to the brand name. No one can really understand how it feels and affects you unless you've experienced it for yourself. I still have enough anxiety that I need to take 50mg of Valium when I have to go out and talk to people. Also when I have to talk on the phone with people I don't know, even with the Valium my voice is still shaky. I am lucky, I moved out of my apartment. I now moved in with my roommate, who happens to be my ex-husband and best friend. I couldn't have made it through all this without my counselor, doctors, friends and family. I couldn't afford to live on Social Security Disability Income living by myself.

Statistics

Statistics show the most common form of mental illness in the United States is Anxiety Disorders. Causes of Anxiety Disorders stem from heredity, brain chemistry, personality and life experiences. The range of symptoms, include fear, excessive energy, nausea, heart palpitations, difficulty concentrating, speaking and sleeping. Symptoms of depression may include fatigue, loss of energy and motivation, weight loss or weight gain, overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, constant crying, loss of interest and pleasure in normal activities, headaches, sleeping too much and even thoughts of suicide. We all need more education about mental health for ourselves and our loved ones.