Aphasia: Value of Old Friends After a Stroke

If I asked you what makes a good friend, you'd probably respond with the typical answers: loyalty, fun to be with, and shared interests. But what kind of friendship would it be if one person couldn't speak or couldn't speak well? That's what happens when a stroke or brain injury causes aphasia--a language disorder. Is it possible for good friends to remain friends after such an event occurs--particularly when one of the pair is unable to speak? Yes, it's possible, but it takes a certain kind of giving person to make it happen.

That's what I admire about my husband's friend, John. A friend for over a decade, John continued to show friendship after my husband's stroke and remains a friend to this day. Let me share with you the qualities of a good friend--at least one such as John.

A good friend makes time for a friend, though life has changed. It doesn't have to be a stroke that changes life. It could be a traumatic event or an accident. Trauma alters a person's life; it's so significant that it changes a person's perspective, values, and goals. When these things change, what created the friendship in the first place, may no longer be applicable. This is where real friendship comes in. Real friendship remains--despite major life changes.

John visited my husband in the hospital after his stroke, and later in our home. He carried the conversation--because my husband couldn't. He entertained my husband with stories of old times, while they created a few new stories. John encouraged every little progress my husband made, and although a disability changed life as my husband knew it, John continued and continues to treat him with respect as a fellow man. Let me tell you why this has been so important.

Aphasia not only robbed my husband's speech, but it also robbed his ability to establish new friendships. Physical disability resulting from the stroke compromised his cognition and physically robbed him of doing what he used to do for fun and entertainment. A real friend, John found something to do with my husband that enabled him. He brought cards.

Hunting stories are still a big part of their talk when they meet, but the cards give them opportunity to converse and spend time together that's comfortable and not strained. When the two of them get together for cards, John tells the old hunting stories, and my husband laughs--which encourages even more stories.

What an example of real friendship! Real friendship continues to befriend, even when the circumstances that formed the friendship change. Real friendship carries the weight of the friendship and accepts the other, unconditionally. Are you that kind of friend? I hope I am.