Applying the Five Love Languages to a Long Distance Relationship

We all know how hard a long distance relationship can be. It takes a lot of hard work and those involved in the relationship can not be together to express their love in the way they want. Many times long distance relationship don't work because one or the other doesn't feel loved or special. It has been stated by one man in a long distance relationship that it was hard for him to make his girlfriend feel loved and special because they cannpot be together. There are different ways that can help keep a long distance relationship going such as video chats, phone conversations, flying out to see each other, and more. But one thing that can make a world of a difference is knowing each other's love languages and how we can apply them to our long distance relationships incuding physical touch.

Dr. Gary Chapman's book can make a difference on any relationship no matter what; He talks about ways to improve your marriage, but I think his ideas can be applied to long distance relationships. One thing couples should do is read the book and discuss what he said so you are on the same page, at the end there is a profile quiz that couples can do to find out their languages. When you do that you learn a lot about each other and the things that they value within the relationship. When I did it with my boyfriend it brought closer together even though we are far a part right now. Just discussing your languages and how you feel loved the most will bring changes, and bring you clsoe because you are opening up about something intimate about yourself.

Words of Affection

Words of Affection is the first of the languages that Dr. Chapman talks about. This is probably one of the easiest ways to express your love in a long distance relationship. You can simply tell each other how you feel, and how you appreciate each other, but you can do other things as well that would make it all the more special. You can send little notes, e-cards and emails expressing your love. Something way special that you can do if you are a writer, is write a story. My boyfriend wanted me to be expressive for him, so I wrote him a story about the two of us. It is a special way to express your love and it can be a little something special to add to the desire when you can see each other.

Words of Affection can be important for a relationship. In a long distance relationship it can be everything. When you cannot be together to hold or kiss, expressing how you feel can mean the world to your spouse. Your words can make your spouse feel loved or unloved even more so in a long distance relationship. Phone conversations and video chats should always be viewed as little dates and you should talk and be expressive. You cannot hold anything back in a long distance relationship. You need to make sure you tell your spouse how much you care about them and how you appreciate them and what they mean to you.

Gifts of Love

Gifts is another one of the languages that can be easier to do than the other three. You can send gifts to your spouse you bought online or send flowers to your girlfriend. To some getting a well thought out gift can mean the world and tell them that you love them more than anything. It means you were thinking about them at some point and when they look at the gift they will think about you. When you go to visit you can bring a small gift to show you were thinking about them or you wanted to show your love. When birthdays and anniversaries come up put a lot of thought into the gift you get for them. You don't want to get a thoughtless gift for days that are important to them.

Gifts of love can be something small that you created yourself or something that you put a lot of thought into like searching online and flea markets for a simple tie tac because he needs more, or looking for a limited edition of the book she loves. You should put thought into the gifts you get, sometimes a stuffed animal may not cut it to make your spouse feel loved. You can order something online and send it to them, so when they get it; it would be more of a surprise than if you hand delievered it.

Quality Time

Quality time can be a little hard to do because you cannot be together that often. Since phone conversations and video chats will be you primary mode of connection, make the most of them. Don't just sit there and talk about the show you are watching or let hours go by without saying anything. Talk, ask questions and really get to know each other. In video chats you can see each other's expressions so you can learn more about them that way. You ask about their interests so that you can learn about them.

Trying to have quality time in a long distance relationship can take a lot of work and thinking. When you are with each other make the most of your time together. When you learn about their interests try to do them that way you show an interest in what they like and help make them feel loved because of it. One important thing when you do have conversations on the phone or through something like Skype, do not end the call within 20 minutes or so, it will make your spouse feel unimportant and unloved.

Acts of Service

Now this is one of the harder love languages to express while in a long distant relationship because you are not there to help do things for them. One thing that would show your love is an obvious one, flying out to see each other. That in itself could mean the world to your spouse. Since you cannot be together all the time, make the most out of the time you are together. Do things when you are with each other, open her door, take her coat off, small things like could make a world of difference to the one you love.

According to Dr. Chapman acts of love is basically doing things for each other. So whenever you can you can do things for each other. Help her figure out what job to take or how to solve a problem he may be having, they may not seem like acts of service but they are and they can show your spouse how much you love them.

Physical Touch

Here is another one that is hard to express in a long distance relationship. You cannot be together to hold hands, hug, kiss, sit together etc. But what you can do is send kisses through the video chats, that is one thing my boyfriend and I do. When you are together hold hands or wrap your arms around her waist. When I went to see my boyfriend last, people around us told us we can keep our hands off of each other for once, but when your love language is physical touch, you can't.

Long distance relationships can be hard work, and time to make work. Sometimes your spouse can feel unloved and unappreciated, but there are different things that you can do to make them feel loved. After you figure out what their primary love language is, you can look for a secondary language. Sometimes expressing your love in a secondary language can make your spouse feel loved and like they really mean something to you. Long distance relationships can work as long as both parties take the time it is needed to make it work. Take the time, learn each other's love language and learn how to speak it to keep your relationship happy and healthy.