April's Second Chance

The damp sheets clung to April's thin body as she laid in the bed. Not even 7 am, the morning heat was already intense. She could hear the sounds of her two young sons in the kitchen, clamoring with their cereal bowls and spoons, as her husband got them their breakfasts. She had very little energy, or motivation to get out of her bed and start her day.

It was Sunday morning. Usually the family got ready for the drive into town for morning services. April had not been in some time, but Thomas still got the boys ready in their church clothes, combed their hair and brushed their teeth.

"Did you change your mind? Would you like to go with us? I can wait a little bit if you do....".....Thomas said through the open doorway.

Without turning her head, and her back to the door, April said "go on ahead, I will be fine"...

Laying there in the morning light, she could hear the sound of the minivan backing out of the driveway. Eventually the sound became fainter and fainter.

She sat up for a few minutes and ran her fingers through her hair, then went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. Looking in the mirror she barely recognized herself. She was thin, drawn, and extremely unhappy looking.

How did it come to this? Why did she feel this way? What had happened to make life seem so impossible, so dead-end?

Thomas had always been good to her. He loved her. No, he was not a flashy man. He was quiet, reserved, maybe a bit on the plain and passive side. Yet he never raised his voice at her and was a good father to their two sons.

Something was missing. April just didn't know what that was...but she didn't want to wait around for it anymore.

Rummaging through her closet she found an old suitcase and duffel bag. Quickly but methodically, she emptied her dresser drawers and closet of her clothing and put them in the bags.

She stopped briefly in the kitchen to write a short note, but when the words wouldn't come, she put down the pen and left the house. Thomas' old Toyota was in the garage. There was enough gas in the tank to take her to the bus station where she would leave the car and board a Greyhound to .....somewhere...anywhere...as long as it wasn't here.

April opened her wallet. There wasn't a lot in it, to be sure. Her final paycheck from the market had been cashed the day before, but the cash was not going to last for long.

"I need a one way ticket to Des Moines please".....she said to the ticket agent. He handed her the ticket and she took a seat in the waiting area. It was not the ideal destination, but all she could afford and far enough away from here. She took out the small photo of her boys from her wallet and gently stroked the image with her finger. A burning sensation came to her throat as she stared at the photo. She loved her boys. But she felt she wasn't good for them, and they deserved better.

In the late summer heat, the Greyhound barreled across the highway. Past cornfields and barns, cattle and rolling farmland. Around 10 pm the bus rolled into Des Moines. Unsure where to go, she sought directions to the nearest motel, and fortunately there was one within walking distance. Exhausted, she fell into the bed. Thomas was surely beside himself with worry at home, and she knew her little boys were probably fast asleep. She wondered if they thought about her when they went to sleep, wondered if they missed her. Probably not, she reasoned. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep.

Morning came, and April ventured into town.

Marion, the manager of the small discount store in town removed the "Help Wanted" sign from the window. She shook April's hand and assured her she would fit right in at the store and could start whenever she wanted.

"I can start today if you like!"....she offered.

She was quickly put to work stocking shelves and helping customers find what they needed. It was a friendly neighborhood and she enjoyed getting to know the customers that came into the store.

Occasionally the shop owner would come in to see how business was. She was an old, haggard woman that many seemed afraid of. April was so intrigued by the woman....something seemed so vaguely familiar about her. Her name was Alice, and she seemed very alone.

"How long have you been here in Des Moines?"...asked Alice as April swept the aisles.

"Not long. I...I am getting a divorce and needed a fresh start." April explained.

Alice shot her a quick look and then walked away. After feeling a shot of coldness run through her after Alice's stony stare , she brushed it off and went back to her work.

In the days leading up to the start of the new school year, the children of the neighborhood came in often with their parents to buy school supplies. April felt little pangs of sadness as she knew her oldest child Kenneth would be starting kindergarten this year. Thomas was surely getting him ready for the school year. She wouldn't be there to see it.

A month went by and she settled into her new routine. She had found a room to rent in town, and busied herself with her job at the store. She tried to push aside the thoughts of her boys and Thomas, but sometimes found herself longing for one of those afternoons on the sofa watching an old movie with him. Thomas wasn't the best conversationalist, but he was kind and he always listened to her.

Alice made more frequent visits to the market to catch up on bookkeeping and making purchases for the store. Her back was bent over and her hands were gnarled and April couldn't help but notice the sadness in the woman's eyes.

One evening after closing time, April was helping close the store. She could see the light streaming under the door in Alice's back office. She started to knock, but hesitated when she could hear what sounded like crying from behind the door. Knowing the hard nature of Alice's personality, April walked away. But the curiosity of this strange woman was on her mind constantly.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months. April longed for her children, longed for the comfort of a man that she thought she couldn't stand. But her pride held her down, and she refused to make that one phone call. She just knew in her heart that Thomas would not possibly want her back after all this time had passed.

As the young children of the town bustled in and out of the store during the holidays, her heart ached as she thought of her children hanging stockings over the fireplace. Did they remember her at all?

How could she have left them? How could she have left HIM? What excitement could she possibly have been seeking? She certainly had not found it in this Iowa town.

A phone call came in for Alice, and April went to the back to find her. She entered her office, but she wasn't there. What she found on the desk shocked her. A battered, dog eared photograph of her sons Kenneth and James stared back at her from the top of a stack of papers. Had this woman been through her wallet? What kind of a nosy person was Alice?

April grabbed her purse and tore open her wallet. There was the photograph...unwrinkled and intact, just the way she had placed it in there.

Frantically, she tore through the store looking for Alice, holding both photographs in her hand.

Finding her in the parking lot, she grabbed her by the arm angrily, demanding answers.

"Just who the hell do you think you are? Why do you have pictures of my children? These are MY children"!........

Alice calmly pulled herself away from April's grasp. Her eyes were soft now, not the stony, cold eyes she had looked into before.

"Yes, they are. They are the children you thought you didn't want. That you thought didn't want YOU. That you thought were better off without you."

"How the hell would you know that? How would you know ANYTHING like that about me?? I never even told you I HAD children!"...

"You don't need to tell me anything. I know everything about you."...she calmly explained.

"I know how you will feel to know that your sons are graduating from high school, and you are not there. I know what it will feel like to find out the man you loved, that you thought you didn't love, married another woman. I know how many hours you will cry, how many holidays you will grieve for them....and that you could have totally prevented this.........."

April couldn't speak......she stared at the woman barely able to breathe.

"I don't understand, I don't understand" ...April said as she tried to catch her breath.....

Alice grabbed her by the shoulders. She looked her straight in the eyes.

"I AM YOU!"..........

April didn't even grab her coat before running out into the Iowa snow. She ran as hard as she could, she had to get back. She had to get back!!!

The damp sheets clung to April's thin body as she laid in the bed. Not even 7 am, the morning heat was already intense. The clinking of spoons and bowls in the kitchen ceased, and the running feet of little ones got louder and louder in the hallway.

"Mommy! Mommy! Wake up, go to church with us Mommy!"

April had not been to church in a very long time. Thomas always took the boys, whether she went or not.

She grabbed both of her tow-headed boys into her bed and held them close. The tears came easily, and the boys looked at her, slightly confused.

"Did you change your mind? Would you like to go with us? I can wait a little bit if you do...."...Thomas asked her through the open doorway.

She sat up, brushed the tears from her eyes and said....

"I wouldn't miss that for the world...................."