Are You Boring?

I find it interesting that people who are boring are often unaware that they are boring. They are oblivious to the clues around them and don't seem to notice the intense disinterest shown to them by acquaintances, co-workers, family members, pets, homeless people, etc.

I was thinking about this because of the fact that it constantly amazes me that my co-worker Karen has no idea how rude she is to interrupt and ignore what I have to say (when she lets me talk), but also that she doesn't notice my boredom and frustration with her rambling stories about nothing. She talks and talks about the detailed minutia of everyday life with her family and friends and her trips to the store and I'm like, "Why are you telling me this? I don't know these people. Why would you think I want to hear this? What is the point?"

If you are talking to someone and they don't make eye contact with you, and they shuffle their feet, start rearranging items in their purse, and have no response to anything you say, odds are that you are a dull cretin and should just shut the hell up.

Maybe if these people listened to other people once in a while, they'd have some concept of what is interesting. But they don't. News flash, y'all: The fact that your son's car is in the shop is boring. Your anecdote about your trip to the craft store, where you ran into your friend's dad and he told you about a coupon in the paper that would save you TEN PERCENT! off of what you're buying so you went home to get the paper only your husband had thrown it out so you had to go back to the store and buy it full price, is boring. It's boring that you haven't yet paid for the day trips you're taking on your vacation and you hope they'll let you pay at the time of the trips. The twenty-minute story about the man from the gas company never showing up when he said he would is boring. Your cell phone dropping service between Main Street and 19th Street is boring. Spending $40 on gas is boring, even more so when I have to hear all about how slow the pump was and how you tried to pay at the pump but your credit card wouldn't work so you had to go inside and there was Diet Coke on sale and ARRRRGH SHUT UP!

Now, if you're boring but you still listen to other people, that's a lesser evil. It's one thing to be interrupted by something interesting, like, "Look! A Komodo dragon in the road!" but quite another to be interrupted by something pointless like, "I hit the snooze button five times and couldn't find my brown sweater so I had to wear this green one which doesn't match as well but at least it's warm". So? What does that have to do with what I was telling you about locking myself out of the house this morning? That's the kind of stuff that makes people want to jump out of a moving car just to get away from you.

When you're talking to someone and they're slowly edging away, or checking their watch, or keep making vague statements like, "Oh well, I guess that is just the way it goes sometimes," these are clues that they want you to wrap it up so they can get away because you are boring.

Similarly, if you are the type who has to one-up everyone, or mention a personal experience of your own that mirrors the one they're talking about, you're going to get the same reaction. There is nothing worse than starting a story and being interrupted with someone else's story. "So I looked in the closet and there was a huge rat right there on my boot! I couldn't..." (interruption) "The same thing happened to me! I went to get a spoon out of the drawer, and there was a fork in the spoon compartment!" SHUT UP. I must confess that I can be guilty of this a little bit at times. However, I am more of the "Whoa! Me too!" type who then lets you continue. I just want to show you that I relate. I feel the need to express the fact that I totally know what you're talking about, but I at least let you continue. This tends to happen a lot, and I worry that people think I'm trying to sound like a know-it-all. That's not the case. It's just that I am so worldly and well-traveled that I have a vast wealth of experience. Ha ha ha. But at least I'm aware that I'm doing it.

Boring people need to be made aware that they are boring. Especially if they are boring and rude and a bad conversationalist. I don't mind someone talking over me if it's a really intense discussion that we are both into. But people like Karen, who are all three of the above, must be stopped at all costs.

I can't speak for anyone else, but when we are having a "conversation" (I use that term loosely), don't interrupt me or continue to talk when I am talking. And don't ignore me when I finally get a word in edgewise. If you get a big nasty wad of phlegm in your throat, shut the hell up and clear your throat before continuing to drone on because it's so gross to keep talking when there's enough crud in your throat to choke a horse.

And if you care, here's a list of topics to avoid when you're talking to me, personally, so that you don't make me want to kill you or myself:

Your kids (unless it's funny or really important - I don't care about what grade they got in history class or how much they poop)
§ Collecting plates
§ Every excruciating detail of your bus trip to the airport
§ Basketball
§ Anything involving Joss Whedon or George Lucas
§ Video games
§ Any description of clothing, house wares or cars that lasts longer than five minutes
§ In-depth analyses of how a film was directed and what it "symbolizes"
§ Actually, anything to do with the movie industry, in general
§ Long recaps of TV shows or movies that I not only have not seen but have told you I either don't like or have no interest in
§ Science fiction
§ 800 stories about stuff you did in college with people who I don't know and will never meet, especially when the stories all begin and end with "We were so wasted!"
§ Health food
§ New Age hippie crap
§ Anime
§ How long it took you to roll all the coins in your sock drawer

Also, when you're talking to someone about some inconsequential piece of nothing, and you can't remember the name of so-and-so, who the person you're talking to doesn't even know, don't stop your mundane tale to ponder the name because it doesn't matter and it just makes the torture longer. Same thing with where someone works, what someone drives, or where someone lives unless it pertains to the major point of the story, which is doubtful because odds are your story doesn't even have a point to begin with.

I'm lucky. I have fun, interesting, polite, sensitive friends for the most part and almost never have to deal with stuff like this. But I've met quite a few boring people in my life, and Karen's one of them. Remember: Boring by itself is bad enough, but boring and rude is a hundred times worse.

But with Karen, it's hard. She really is nice, and I have to carpool with her because I can't afford to drive, so there's nothing I can do. I won't be mean. But yeah. It's hard.

I'll end this now, because it's starting to get boring. Sorry!