Are Chinese Mothers Superior to Western Mothers?

Growing up in a suburb of Connecticut, one of our neighbors was a Chinese family who just moved into town. Not knowing a whole lot about Chinese culture I was fascinated by them and was pleased they had two children, a son and a younger daughter, who were close in age to me. While we occasionally played together, I sensed that their upbringing was perhaps more different than what I really understood at the beginning. For one thing, their father was a doctor, as was their mother, even though the mother was not a practicing one. Second, the son was planning to follow in his father's footsteps. The daughter, I think, tried to hard to "fit in" with the American practice of hanging with other kids her own age on the street corner. It was not until some years later on I discovered how different Chinese mothers were to Western mothers. Sure, I was encouraged to do well in school too - and I did - yet not to outdo my peers and certainly not the teachers. Welcome to the American practice of being held down so that everyone has an equal outcome. Think of American schools as institutions where children are trained to be followers. Meet Amy Chua, the "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" author who believes children should be trained to be leaders.

Americans as a rule do not see our children as tomorrow's future in the sense they can become leaders. No, rather we are training them to become good little adult citizens who keep their mouths shut anytime authority speaks. Being a nation based on so-called Judeo-Christian standards, children are raised to be obedient to whoever is in charge no matter how bad that leader may be (yes I am thinking Adolf Hitler here), be working class, with a strong work ethic (supposedly even though that happens to be rare.) But something is missing here. What is really important to Western families is that children are raised to get along well with everyone else. Sounds impossible? When you consider how much time children waste while hanging out on the local street corners, it isn't. Recalling Willy Loman in "Death of a Salesman", poor Loman thinks that if he is well liked and gets along with everyone, that will magically open up doors for him so that he can get ahead in the sales business. Alas poor Loman is so self deluded he ends up attempting to commit suicide. What else can one expect from the outcome of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"? The problem is that today's kids have no concept of positive influence (most of their influence is of the negative variety from Hollywood) or friends (real friends must be earned, not "won"). But the Willy Loman mentality pervades the American fabric so strongly it never becomes questioned until books like Chua's are read.

Chinese mothers do not care of their child gets along well with the world. Perhaps because they know that that is a virtually impossible. Children should be concentrating on developing their full potential, and Chinese mothers know exactly how to do that. You will never catch a Chinese mother punishing her child for an extraordinary achievement in school (such as getting straight A's in Calculus and being invited to do research on an important project by a professor). Chinese mothers are more concerned that their children excel academically because they know that that is what will help them get into a good college and get a high paying job. Chinese mothers know the secret to success is not "who you know" (Willy Loman) but rather "what you know." Most Americans have no quite yet caught on to this.

Western mothers know their kids are dumb and are better off excelling at sports so that they can make big bucks in baseball or football (the reality is a very small percentage of kids ever make it to the big league in sports and are much better off having a college degree to fall back on). Chinese mothers are more likely to cook nutritious meals for their children instead of treating them as garbage disposals (Twinkies, McDonald's, Burger King, pizzas and donuts). You won't see too many Chinese children jacked up on sugar highs.

Most importantly, though, there is no concept of "learning disabilities" in Chinese culture like we have in the United States. There is no ADD, ADHD (there wasn't when I was a kid, either; hyperactivity was chalked up to a sugar laden diet) to make the excuse of why Johnny did not get an A on that Algebra exam. In the Chinese household, recreation time for children includes violin and piano lessons, not hanging out on the street corners. Chinese mothers believe their children can get straight A's with hard work. Hard work and academics are four letter words in many a western home. Worse yet, books are eschewed and sports games on the boob tube are glorified. Chua is not afraid to mention sports are off limits to her kids, in addition to sleep overs, play video games, have play dates, and hang out on street corners. In fact, Chinese mothers actually see to like guiding their children at home, keeping an eye on them and bringing them snacks while their kids are busy studying that trigonometry book. Most western mothers encourage their kids to get out of the house and out of their hair so they can have time for themselves.

"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" is on the booklist and will be open to critique by many, both mothers and non-mothers, Chinese and Western. While the present method of mothering in the United States has failed to turn out multitudes of leaders, maybe those mothers who care about their children being all the best they really can be will join Chua in her mission of motherhood.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html