Are You Competing with Your Mate?

Few couples would ever admit that competition is a factor in their relationship. To many, it might seem illogical - if not downright narcissistic - to strive toward outdoing one's mate when it comes to careers, parenting or any other areas where achievement can be measured either quantitatively or qualitatively. However, in a society that places so much emphasis on individual achievement, it's easy for both members of a couple to get caught up in the quest for success. And denying that competition exists in a relationship certainly does not banish this rivalry into oblivion. In fact, such denial can cause a relationship to gradually erode over time.

So how can you tell if competition is brewing in your relationship? There are a few signs that you should definitely watch out for:

Sign #1: Feeling Threatened by One Another's Success

If either of you feels anything other than pride and joy over the other's accomplishments, something is amiss. When you genuinely love someone and have a healthy sense of self, you can be happy for them as they achieve success in their endeavors. If your mate is attentive and committed to you but his or her accomplishments still cause you to feel insecure, this may fuel competition (among other things) and could eventually even destroy the relationship.

Sign #2: Viewing Each Other's Goals as Trivial Pursuits

So what if one of you is an aspiring artist and the other is a partner in a prestigious law firm? Regardless of your different activities and interests, you should be able to support each other as you set goals and work toward achieving them. If one of you feels a need to "outrank" the other based on your line of work, your title, your salary or your credentials, this kind of competitive attitude will take a negative toll on your relationship.

Sign #3: Being Unable or Unwilling to Share the Spotlight

Perhaps you've often been the subject of conversation (whether positive or negative) and you like it that way. At work, family gatherings, and even among your circle of friends, you've developed a knack for commanding the center of attention. Now you that you are in a new relationship, people appear to be intrigued by your mate and this makes you uncomfortable. Instead of appreciating their interest, you instantly begin thinking of ways to reclaim the spotlight - whether it's buying a fancy new car, dramatically changing your hairstyle or wardrobe, or in some cases, ditching your mate for someone with less popular appeal!

Nine times out of ten, this isn't the first time you have felt this way. You may have had a similar experience in the past when a sibling, friend, coworker or former lover received more attention and praise than you. You may have accused them of trying to steal your thunder when the reality was that you were the one who simply had to have it all!

Sign #4: Being Unwilling to Offer Genuine Praise

Whether your mate is an outstanding cook, a creative genius, a business tycoon, or a phenomenal parent, you should be able to compliment him or her freely and sincerely. Statements such as "she already knows she's good at that" or "I don't want him to develop a big head" are insufficient excuses for withholding praise from your significant other. And while praise from you for a job well done may not be needed by your mate, it would mostly like be appreciated.

Sign #5: Committing Infidelity at the Pinnacle of Success

If you were faithful to your significant other when you were both striving to get to the next level or your careers, but now that he or she has reached a major milestone, you are finding yourself attracted to your assistant, a complete stranger, or an old acquaintance with nothing but time on their hands, it would be wise to stop and think before doing something that may cost you a great partner. Could you be so jealous of your mate's success that you would rather run into the arms of someone who makes you feel superior instead of inferior?

Sign #6: Becoming a Workaholic

If your mate's success at the office sends you into work overdrive, you could very well be in the competition mode, particularly if you were not previously a workaholic. Suddenly you are taking on every project, working tirelessly to move up the ranks, and making it a point to be the last person out of the office - much to your significant other's chagrin. Quality time spent with your partner now takes a back seat to ambition as you try to move up the corporate ladder. While you may very well reach your destination, you could find that at the end of the day, the person who cared about you regardless of your accomplishments is no longer around.

Sign #7: Wanting to Show 'Em How It's Done

If you have suddenly become an expert on how to make the bed, wash the dishes, cook dinner, fold the towels, mop the floors or dust the furniture, you may be need to ask yourself, "Is it really that serious?" Constantly demonstrating to your mate that you know a better way (than theirs, of course) to do any and everything is not only childish, but will do little to help your relationship along. Two people who have each other's best interest at heart can certainly learn from one another, but if it's always the same person doing the "teaching" each and every time, there is a problem.

The important thing to remember is that your partner's strengths and accomplishments are things that you should be proud of and not feel a need to top. The two of you will make a much stronger team if you each value what the other brings to the table and allow one another to shine!