Are Divorcees like the Black Widow Spider?

Most people know the black widow spider is so named because the female of that species sometimes devours the male after mating. What most people do not know is the black widow has a biological device that justifies such devouring. The black widow can incubate sperm and produce more egg sacs throughout her life without mating. In other words, the female, not needing the continued reproductive benefit of the male any longer, devours him for her own nutritional benefit.

Since ancient times, females were attracted to males partly because they were willing to share their more substantial material resources with them. There have been some studies that have suggested primitive male hunters often exchanged game meat for sex, an instance which might be considered the birth of prostitution. This early exchange evolved into what we now call marriage. The husband provides steady earnings for a wife who provides sex and companionship. This evolution was upset recently by two factors: woman's newfound earnings capacity and the tendency of the American family law system to financially reward divorcees for becoming divorcees. I ask you to ignore the oversimplified evolution of marriage above for the sake of the following discussion.

The American family law system is like the black widow's biological device. After bearing children or securing a marriage, the American woman is guaranteed material resources regardless of whether or not she stays in the relationship. Like the black widow, she no longer needs the male, so she uses her much larger size via the family law system to devour the smaller male for her financial benefit and moves on by herself or to claim her next victim.

The female attraction to a mate who is continually able to provide or share resources should not be underestimated. In hunter/gathering times, women were attracted to the physically powerful yet clever hunter who would be able to provide a substantial amount of food and viable shelter for her and her offspring. The ultimate motivator for this attraction was to ensure the survival of her progeny. Yes, there used to be a practical reason for the female attraction to big arms and broad shoulders. Evolution has not yet caught up to civilization and women certainly still are attracted to men with broad shoulders and big arms. For long term relationships, women are more attracted to men with money or the potential to earn money, the modern equivalent of being able to successfully hunt game and provide shelter. The reason for this is the same as it was in hunting/gathering times.

If a woman can secure material resources by divorcing or leaving one man and find another to provide even more resources, biologically speaking, why wouldn't she? In our "civilized" society, the family law system enables the modern woman to realize the biological need to secure resources more than ever before.

I know a couple who has cohabitated for over 20 years. They almost married once, but decided not to. They have quite the love hate relationship and the woman complains of the man often. She frequently expresses a desire to leave the man and dreams about how much happier she would be without him. When asked why she doesn't leave him, her reply is simple "We're not married so I would leave empty handed." I asked the man once what would have happened if they would have got married many years ago. He replied, "She would have left me 15 years ago."

It's ironic how an institution designed for people to remain together is now the impetus for separation.

It appears marriages used to last longer because the woman would be left without viable resources if she chose to leave a man. It is unfortunate that many wives endured abusive marriages because of this. Nevertheless, many marriages survived and ended up thriving because the wife had no resource-motivated reasons to leave. Ask your grandmother why she never left your grandfather when he was drinking all the time and if they ended up being happy eventually and you'll see what I mean.

I found that marriages with prenuptial agreements generally last longer than those without. After reading the above, it is apparent why this is so. Unfortunately, most men feel it's too presumptuous to request such things before plunging into marriage. Many women will rescind their proposal acceptances if a prenuptial agreement is required prior to marriage. After reading the above, it is apparent why this is so.

Marriage was originally created as a device of the aristocracy to maintain family wealth and property. Romantic love was found outside the marriage. Eventually, the merchant class and peasants caught on and the concept of romantic love and marriage united to the form of marriage we see today. Along the way, organized religion embraced marriage and it became solidified as a social norm. Isn't it time we step back and take a broader view of marriage, family, and the ideal environment for children? At the very least, the pendulum should swing back the other way and motivators for not staying together reduced or eliminated altogether. After all, the black widow wouldn't eat the male spider if she still needed him.