Are You a Doormat in Your Friendships?

Most friendships go through rough patches, especially when friends spend a great deal of time together and the chances of someone's feelings being hurt are increased. Friendships, as any type of relationship, should be a give-and-take situation but when one person is taking more than they are giving the frienship can be unhealthy and quickly dissolve. If you think you're the person in the relationship who is constantly giving and not getting very much in return, or if you feel like your feelings are unimportant to your friend you might be what people commonly refer to as a "doormat."

While the term "doormat" might not be a flattering way to describe someone, it's a very good representation of how the person is being treated: he or she is essentially being walked upon by someone else. A doormat will put up with or make excuses for someone else's behavior when that person has done or said something inconsiderate. This could be when an underhanded or rude comment is made or when the friend expects the doormat to put up with inconsiderate or immoral behavior. A doormat will find that when the other friend is in need of a pep talk, someone to help take care of them when they're having a crisis, or when some other favor is wanted, he or she is the first person to get a call (and to respond) but when the doormat is going through a tough patch or needs company the other friend is too busy or makes some other excuse as to why they're not available. Of course, the doormat will put up with being a friend of convenience. When it comes time to make plans, the doormat is always willing to do whatever the friend wants to do but when something comes up that he or she wants to attend or when he or she has a suggestion for an activity, excuses are again made from the other friend because it's not something that he or she is excited about doing.

Why do people allow themselves to become doormats? Some believe there are self-esteem issues which allow them to feel that they don't deserve to have their kindness reciprocated or prevent them from demanding more from their relationships. Sometimes a person will put up with inconsiderate behavior from a friend because they think that in time, the person will begin to make compromises. Other doormats are just simply too kind for their own good.

Communication is the key in any relationship or friendship, and once someone feels like they are being treated unfairly they should attempt to discuss the issue in a calm and non-confrontational manner. Sometimes just pointing out the negative behavior is enough to remedy the situation. However, if the person happens to be dealing with someone very self-centered or who doesn't care about others' feelings, it may be time consider not making themselves as available for everything. If the person who was formerly in the power position cares about the friendship, he or she may realize how it feels to be left out or not getting what they want all the time. This could be a positive step in helping the person become more in tune with other peoples' needs. As sad as it may seem, there are some people who just don't value friendship as much as others and at times such as those, it may be time to end the friendship.