Are You a Helicopter Parent? Parents on College Campuses Causing a Stir

The term "helicopter parent" is becoming more prevalent in the media, particularly since the baby boomers' children are getting into college, but what is a helicopter parent?

Many say that a helicopter parent is one who hovers over their child. Some go as far as to write their child's entrance exams into colleges or go to interviews with them. College campuses are pleading with parents to stop being over-involved with their children and are trying to thwart parents' attempts to intervene. Employers are also expressing dissatisfaction with the new trend.

Helicopter parents are stating that they have a vested interest, not only in their children, but in their education and life after high school to try to give them the best start. They are, in a way, protecting their investment in their child's future by getting them off to a good start.

The question is, when does this good start end and the children have to stand on their own two feet.

Since college is being viewed as a necessity for employment, it is being looked at by some parents as the continuation of their child's high-school education, and therefore they find themselves more involved. These are considered helicopter parents.

Some of these helicopter parents go as far as to hire a consultant to help with the application process to colleges that they have chosen for their children, and parents have organized into a lobbying group called College Parents of America, which helps parents figure out how to best manage their child's entrance into college in many ways, including offering resources to find tuition help, financial aid, and scholarships.

While colleges may be opposed to the trend, many students enjoy that their parents help them and take such an active part in their education. Parenting has changed in the last 20 years, and these kids are being brought up in the new way, where their parents are less authoritarian and more helpful. Parents themselves are worried that their child at 18 isn't exactly a grown-up, and still needs help.

Helicopter parents also cite other reasons why they're taking such an active role in their child's college education, from the poor economy to the high tuition costs. Homeschooling parents are also jumping into the fray, continuing to aid their child's education past the point when they graduate from their homeschool program. It's also starting to factor into their employment, where some parents are helping their child at interviews, negotiating their wages, and fielding phone calls for their children from prospective employers.

Does it help or harm?

Any form of parenting, taken past the normal boundaries, can be harmful to children. It is a parent's job to not just protect their child, but get them on their own two feet. This is no different with the so-called helicopter parents.

In today's world, it takes even longer for our children to have the necessary skills (including a college education) to make it on their own so parents have taken the initiative and sucked it up...and are helping their children with housing, funding, and other things that children need past their 18th birthday and into the college years.

It isn't like it used to be, where by our 18th birthdays we were considered grown-ups, expected to find a job or a college if our parents could afford to send us (or hope for a scholarship or some type of aid), maybe get some help from mom and dad but for the most part got shoved out the door. It is indeed a brave new world where we fight for jobs and the education to advance in those jobs, and many parents are facing it for the first time with their children.

It's another reason why parents are taking such an active role in their child's college education and getting the nickname helicopter parents. We want them to have what is no longer a leg up, but is now a foot in the door to prospective employment.

How much is too much?

Parents need to rely on their instincts and what they know about their child to help determine how much help their child is going to need once they head off to college. Some children are unprepared for this new experience, and while some of it is the fault of so-called helicopter parents who may coddle their children, a lot of it has to do with our new economy and it would be remiss to dismiss it out-of-hand. The rules have changed, not just in terms of what types of parents we're dealing with, but in terms of the adult world and what skills we need to function in it. Some may say we're not doing our job because we're praising our child every step of the way from preschool on, but the fact is that the world we prepared our children for is different than the one they're entering, and that's a scary prospect for parents as well as children. There wasn't a way to predict the changes that occurred, so it isn't just a matter of negligent parenting.

I think we start to cross the line, though, when we're emailing the school to vie for a good roommate for our children's dorm room or sit by the phone so our child can call us on their cell-phone to help them pick their electives at the admissions office.

In fact, cell phones are being blamed quite a bit for the fact that they make parents and children rely on each other too much. I do see the point, and many college campuses have banned cell phone use in certain areas to prevent this from happening, but I also know that college enrollment is a difficult time and there is quite a bit at stake, so it's no wonder parents and college-bound kids are feeling apprehensive.

When it comes down to it, whenever parents have tried to step onto the college campus to advocate for their children they've met with strong resistance and this is no exception. Colleges like to do things their way and students are expected to comply. When we've got parents who are more assertive and tougher negotiators, it makes many campuses and administrators nervous, and we get labelled helicopter parents.

Knowing that we can wield that power, or the power to annoy them to death, should make us think long and hard about what parts of our child's education we really need to be involved in. Should we be proofreading their essays? I don't see why not...we did when they lived at home. Should we be hiring consultants for children who don't really need much help, just so we can get them into the school that we want? I think we need to start taking some responsibility for the role that we've placed ourselves in to make sure that we're not overstepping our bounds and overprotecting our children.

After all, it's a good behavior to model for our soon-to-be adults. It might give them the last thing they need to get a great start in adulthood, so if you think you can, leave the helicopter on the pad, okay?