Are You the Jealous Type?

When people are seeking new relationships, one type people try to avoid is the "jealous type." I'm sure we've all been in situations where a friend or partner has gone from cool and sweet to extra clingy and possessive. So what is it that has caused this dramatic change? Surely your behavior hasn't changed towards them in anyway, but your actions are making them feel threatened. Actions as innocent as talking to someone else or having lunch with a friend can spark a fit of jealousy. Questions will come at you asking you where you've been, who you were with, why didn't you call, or even things you can't control like why someone was looking at you as you walked down the street. You may be on the receiving end of many false accusations and end up wondering where things went wrong.

Jealousy isn't something that just appears out of the blue. It can however, be something that comes out gradually. From small subtle things such as telling you a precise time to call or trying to make plans that keep you from hanging out with other people. If you're in a relationship, your partner ay jokingly tell you that you'd better not look at anyone else or not to talk to certain people on the phone. These are signs of jealous and controlling behavior. No one has the right to tell you who you can look at, talk to, or hang around.

When people are starting to show their jealous ways, more than likely they don't have as much trust in you or your relationship as you once thought. In the case of friendships, perhaps they are just being selfish and think that you should only spend your time hanging out with them instead of sharing your time among other friends of yours. Jealous people tend to have a "me mentality" where everything revolves around what they want out of the relationship. Never mind that you have other people who you enjoy being around. Some people see friendships and relationships as a lifelong bond. Anyone other than the two of you that enters into the equation is a threat to that permanent bond you have built in your head. What do we do with threats? Well most people will do all that they can to get rid of it. Lying, cheating, possessiveness, and being argumentative to try to control someone else's actions shows that you are insecure in your own. Maybe you haven't been the best friend or mate you could be and you're worried that someone else will take your place. Or maybe you have been a great friend or mate but you still have insecurities that cause you to lash out in acts of jealousy.

If someone truly loves and cares about you, they aren't going to just ditch you for someone else. Sure they might not spend every waking moment of their lives with you, but that doesn't mean your about to be thrown out with yesterday's garbage. When I notice a friend or mate getting clingy or showing signs of jealousy, my first reaction is to put some space between us. I prefer to spend my time with people who are more secure in themselves and in the nature of our relationship that they know there is no reason for them to be jealous in the first place. Communicating your feelings rationally and calmly will be much more effective than letting jealousy take over. Some people's jealous ways have been the cause of many friendships and relationships to end. All relationships, whether platonic or something more have to have a solid foundation that is build on trust. Without trust, the relationship will eventually crumble because there will be nothing holding it up. When cracks start to get in your structure in the form of jealousy, lying, cheating, or whatever else it may be, you're allowing outside factors to seep in and start to tear down what you've built up.

Realize that a relationship does not give you the power to rule over the other person. Give them some breathing room. If you have a solid foundation then you have nothing to worry about. However, if you allow your jealousy start to crack your building, you just may find yourself having to rebuild alone.