Are Your Kids Growing Up Too Fast?

You can see it everywhere: elementary kids dressing as if they are 16. The fashion industry is encouraging our children to dress and behave like rock stars and models. Increased exposure to media portraying highly sexual content is convincing young girls to forget their dolls and blocks and board games and pushing them straight into young women vying for male attention.

Now, don't get me wrong, at some point all children grow up and there is nothing we can or should do about that. However, isn't 7 years old a little too young to be sporting thong panties? Should our 10 year olds be wearing belly-showing shirts on top of low-rise jeans? For that matter, should a toddler be wearing low-rise jeans?

At some point, a parent needs to step in and make informed decisions about the music their children hear, the clothes their children wear and the company their children keep. Here is a list of suggestions to help your child or preteen have a better shot at a childhood full of wonder and fun rather than a distant or promiscuous childhood that you have no part in.

Encourage family time. While it's true that many families are quite busy these days, often with both parents working, it's important to show children that family comes first no matter what. Planning a night at least once a month that encourages family participation with minimal or no scolding is proven to increase a child's self-esteem. A confident child is less likely to give in to peer pressure or to need reassurance from their friends for things such as music or clothing.

1. Know what your kids are watching. There is no reason that a parent can't monitor and/or watch TV with their kids. If you are regularly tuning in to see what your kids are viewing, you have a much better idea where her view of pop culture is coming from. Telling a child she can't wear a cropped shirt and mini-skirt but allowing her to see girls dressing like that in most shows she sees can send a mixed message. At least viewing the shows together can start a dialog as to why that manner of dressing is inappropriate for your child.
2. Computer time should be "public". Although we all know that even teenagers should not be left alone on a computer, it's often difficult in this day and age to force a child to use a computer in a common living space. However, a schedule could help or simply limiting the amount of time being spent playing games or on the internet. Or, only allow your child to use the computer during times that you are likely to be in the computer room for a majority of the time. By watching what your child is doing, you can immediately stop access to a site or game that you don't approve of.
3. Listen to your child's music. Children repeat almost everything they hear. Very often, there are words and concepts in popular music that they are just too young to listen to or understand. By listening to their music first, you are able to stop access to inappropriate music as well as discuss singers or music type in a more informed manner.
4. Be a united front - not only with your spouse or partner, but with the parents of your child's friends. By seeking out families with similar values to your own, you can feel more comfortable with the time your child spends away from you. Getting together regularly with these parents, in front of the kids, shows that you are all in agreement in what type of activities, music and clothing are appropriate.
5. Do not allow kids to dictate their wardrobe. While their opinion should matter and it is fine to allow children to follow trend guidelines, there is simply no good reason to allow an 8 year old girl to wear low rise jeans and a thong. Shopping for or with your child will show what is okay for her to wear. Also, do not be afraid to just say no to certain outfits and explain why you feel the way you do. Kids will have more than enough time to act and dress like an adult in a few short years; allow them to explore the world through their own eyes rather than trying to do it through prematurely aging eyes.
6. Read with your child. While this may sound silly, reading allows your child to imagine things without the movie and television industries dictating what they see. By reading stories aloud, your child can explore a world without the society pressures that all of us often feel. Choose books together. Reading chapters of a longer book each night could encourage less TV and movies watching as well as reduced computer usage.
7. Set a good example. We all know that kids see everything. But, there are times that all of us feel that we are exempt from behaving decently because we are the parents. If you don't want your child listening to certain types of music or reading certain magazines, don't have them around your house. Or, keep all items you deem to be inappropriate for your child in your bedroom, helping to limit contact and unauthorized viewing. Be sure to explain that some items are simply not for a child's eyes.
8. Be careful of your child's self image. While many adults are overweight and dieting, children should not be made to feel that being on a diet is cool or normal. A young girl should not be thinking of exercising a certain amount or losing weight. However, healthy habits should be encouraged often. Limiting sweets and promoting activities such as dancing and biking show kids what types of things should have priority over others.
9. Don't be too strict. Even with the suggestions above, it is easy to go too far. By disconnecting your child with all popular things could very easily push your child into experiencing them without your permission or input. When it is time, allow your child to expand into appropriate activities with you as a guide. This way, she will be more likely to come to you when she wants to try something new rather than do it behind your back.

While there is no perfect way to raise a child, these suggestions can be a starting point for raising a child who acts in an age appropriate manner. Remembering that kids gain confidence from parent/adult guidance and protection before entering the world as adults is the key to creating a good atmosphere for growing up!