Are You a Lazy Parent?

Lazy parenting has become the norm in American society, but typically, suburbanite parents would be quick to disagree. More and more parents are exhausting themselves with secondary duties outside of work, instead of worrying about effective child rearing. The results are obvious to outsiders, but not always the parents themselves.

Modern-day parents get lost in stresses such as work or paying bills, and come home only to confuse good parenting with a clean house, a square meal and well-dressed kids. Most parents find time to nurture their children with hugs, kind words, or time spent at a park, but lately, parents are forgetting the importance of early education in the home, specifically reading. Refusing to read to your child or otherwise enrich your toddler is just plain lazy, no matter how much work you do in your house or outside of the home.

Some parents in lower income households admit that subjects such as reading, writing and sometimes even drawing, are best left to schoolhouse professionals, and that it's just too time consuming, demanding or even too messy to do in the home. I've seen this attitude many times first hand, and it's saddening.

Reading to your child every single day is one of the most important and easiest ways to improve your child's demeanor and increase his or her intelligence. One of the most vital aspects of raising a child has become the most neglected in recent years.

I have a friend who is constantly overwhelmed by her four children. She complains about the time it takes to clean her large house although she will admit to spending more time in front of the TV during the day, stewing over her situation than actually cleaning. Her two oldest children are well-behaved but on their own program. Her and her husband have no real goals or expectations for them as they enter high school. The youngest two are complete hell raisers and she admits to being more lenient because she just doesn't have the time to bother with them. She never reads to them and never lets them draw in fear of messing up the walls or furniture.

While babysitting one afternoon, I introduced them to crayons and paper. The youngest boy drew random squiggles while holding the crayon in his fist like a one-year-old would while my daughter of the same age was drawing people, houses and yards. He couldn't spell his name and didn't know how to write the letter A.

While certain parts of this scenario demonstrate clear laziness on the parent's behalf, the real truth lies in the speech patterns of her three youngest children. When children are old enough to start reading on their own but can't put together well-sounding sentences, or, as in this instance, can't even use a crayon to make a simple smiley face for one letter, the parental laziness goes unnoticed by the parent, but is painfully obvious in others, including their preschool and kindergarten teachers. When a teacher mentions a deficiency, the lazy parent becomes defensive.

Unless a child has a documented speech impediment or actual learning disability, there is no reason for a five-year-old's speech to sound like, "Tan you twy dis? I twied but I tan't get dis sicker book opan. I doanna boke it." Other common examples are the confusion of "three" versus "free", or "other" versus "udder".

Doting, oblivious parents will find this speech pattern cute as a button, but the reality is that their child probably wasn't read to enough. If a child is read to for at least a half-hour every day from early on, that child will learn how to mimic the parent's English at a shockingly early age, and learn how to say words properly.

Another pro of reading lies in a child's ability to pick up on basic manners displayed in the stories of their books. Children who are read to everyday will learn logical reasoning sooner and will be more creative in play and while drawing on paper. Of course, avid reading by the parents is also key in early interest in reading and writing. Well-versed children will show an interest in individual reading and writing about one year earlier than children who were never read to by their parents.

I have seen this trend in my friends' children, but I have also experienced both sides of this phenomenon in my own home.

When my seven-year-old daughter was one and a half, my husband went off to Japan with the armed forces. I was left on my own in a new city with my daughter and a new job. I struggled with successfully balancing swing shifts with the Federal Aviation Administration and raising my daughter to the best of my ability. I loved my job but when I came home, sometimes at 11:00pm, I harbored feelings of guilt as I loaded my sleepy toddler into the car to head home.

I cherished my time home with her and read to her every single day, sometimes twice a day for an hour each time. She loved cuddling on my lap as I read to her, and I loved the extra bonding time. As months went by, she started engaging me as I read to her. By the time she was two, she began asking questions about the story or would make little comments about the characters. I also let her draw at her art table every day and as the months passed, her caveman-like drawings turned into little comprehensible masterpieces - usually characters or vivid scenes from her books.

I even brought books along to doctor's appointments or random trips to the DMV - pretty much anywhere I anticipated a wait. One day I was reading to her in the pediatrician's waiting room and the nurses looked at her in amazement when she began verbalizing her opinions about the characters. I was irritated by her precociousness and the fact that she kept interrupting my story, but one nurse was intrigued by her. She said, "You must read to her every day, huh, because she doesn't talk like a two-year-old!" I was shocked. I hadn't noticed a difference between her and other kids.

When she turned three, we moved to Japan, and she was once again given a compliment, this time by a Canadian English professor at a local Japanese university. She said she had taught children early on in her career, and she had never heard a child speak so eloquently or so clearly. Again she asked if my husband and I had read to her everyday. She was impressed enough with our parenting skills to befriend us and keep in touch. I was still perplexed as far as what everyone was seeing in her. To me she was an average child, although I didn't spend time with other children back then.

Not long after my second daughter was born, an injury and chronic pain kept me from wanting to read to the new baby as much as she got older. My older daughter, now four, was in pre-school and was beginning to read thanks to Hooked on Phonics in the home thanks to her daddy and the extra studies at school. With one less child to nurture during the day and a new nine-to-five schedule, it seemed like I had all the time in the world to read to my daughter, but my pain admittedly altered my parenting. Instead, I read only a couple times a week. I exchanged knowledge for extra cuddling and coddling in a conscious attempt to make up for not giving her as much of a head start.

When she turned four, I noticed a difference between her and her older sister at that age. My younger daughter still used her baby voice - sort of a high pitched voice but most of her words were pronounced correctly. My husband and I thought she was trying to milk out her cuteness and youth a little since she had an older sister to compete with for attention. Then I noticed her saying "free" instead of three and "udder" instead of other and it hit me.

I immediately realized that not reading to her every day had caused this improper speech pattern. From that moment on I put my woes aside and read to her more often and started Hooked on Phonics with her, causing a complete turnaround in only a few weeks. I credit these positive changes to snapping out of the lazy parent syndrome.

It's true that parenting would be much easier if babies came with a manual, but certain common sense aspects of parenthood seem to be going under the radar these days. Your child's discipline and education must go hand in hand and become one of the top priorities in the home as soon as your little one is old enough to sit through the reading of a picture book.

While having a clean home is just as important as running your toddler to and from parks and enriching her with ballet, gymnastics and other such play dates, the best thing you can do for your child is ask yourself, "Am I a lazy parent," and take an honest look at yourself. It's never too late to become a better parent.